Husband of 27 years wanted to get out..Wife has done a complete turnaround ??Confuse

I have been with my wife since I was 18 years old now 45 we have certainly had our share of ups and downs . I’ve just come to the point I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired, No intimacy..No affection, no deep kissing even when I was allowed to have sex with her, very dominate no bargaining women . We almost got a divorce at 31 because it was mostly we where just leading separate lives and I was hanging with my buddies to much. I was devastated when she wanted a divorce then and she was done. I balled for days on end because I knew it was mostly due to me being stupid. Then after several months she decided she wanted me back and I came running. After a year we where back on the no intimacy path again and we now have an 8 year old boy. About 8 months ago I just gave up and decided I was just going to do my own thing and then work up the courage to leave the marriage. I was tired of begging her to hold my hand / cuddle / or sit by me on the couch for a movie. In the process of my withdrawal I messed up and met someone before I had got out of my marriage. Yes I know let the bashing begin !!!! I should have waited to finish this relationship before I started another one…I told my wife I was not in –love with her anymore and that I didn’t have feelings for her anymore and just wanted a marriage of happiness and enrichment and I was tired of trying to make it work . She went through a short period of anger then she did a complete turn around …wants to cuddle hold hands go on motorcycle rides go dancing gets up fixes my breakfast massages just everything yadda yadda yadda things I have been trying to get her to do for 10 years begging to no avail.. I got us in counseling and that seems to help us deal with it. I tried to break it off with the OW from whom I have fallen for deeply and she agreed but I am having the hardest time letting her go…Only reason the OW saw me was because I convinced her I was leaving my marriage and I was just trying to get finances, and child rearing set up as well as getting my wife to a place I felt comfortable before I left and that she wouldn’t go nuts.

Again I just can’t figure out the change in my wife just like she flipped a switch. She apologized profusely to me for the years of neglect and taking advantage and begs me to give her another chance…she says she realizes how perfect I was and what a wonderful man I am and it is totally her mistake…she has also said she believes I have had an affair but doesn’t seem to care about it I have been trying hard ,(profusely) to try to get some sort of spark back for her trying the fake it till you make it approach but its just not happening . I really think I haven’t been in-love for long I can’t just flip a switch like she did and be madly in-love again …my question is will I ever get the love back for her again. I know I fell deeply for the OW and ive put her off to work on this but I really don’t want to lose her even though there is a large age difference between us we just click so well intellectually and we seem so compatible …I just don’t know how long I should keep trying with my wife before I throw in the towel? Does anyone have any recommendations how long I should keep trying…we are doing everything together and my wife is extremely attractive blond 115 lbs gorgeous always gets hit on every time we go out but she just doesn’t do it for me anymore… I don’t know how long I can keep trying??