Joined
·
3 Posts
Two weeks ago, (a week before my 52nd birthday), my husband left. I had sent him on a 5-day bike trip for his birthday (44th)and I got angry when he didn't call home. I said some things I shouldn't, but the truth is, I've been unhappy with him for a very long time.
He has always been a little OCD, moving from expensive hobby to expensive hobby, while I cheap-shopped, took care of everyone's needs, and sacrificed the things I wanted so everyone could have their needs/wants met. Everything he does, he does way over the top, and for the past three years, it's been biking/triathaloning, etc. I've felt like a single parent for years--he does whatever he wants, and I try to keep everything else together. To me, his irresponsibility and lack of regard for putting other people's needs ahead of his own has been hard to deal with.
In the past two years, we've been struggling with excessive debt, and I've been fighting to save our home from foreclosure, which now looks like its going to happen. I had finally lined up investors who were going to buy it, rent it back to us for 3 years, and then let us re-buy it at market value, and that was scheduled to close Oct. 1st. We have also been trying for years for my husband to be able to buy out his boss and take over the company he has been working at for all these years. That's scheduled to happen this week, and I will not be a part of it. Everything we've worked for is now falling apart.
He has never seemed very tuned in to the needs of his family or his kids, but suddenly, he is Mr. Compassionate to the rest of the world. I always attributed his habits, compulsions and lack of warmth to the fact that his own father left when he was young and they had a very rough time financially. But the one thing I did believe was that, despite the way he often behaved, he loved me and our kids as best he could. Now, that no longer appears to be true. He told me he isnt in love with me anymore, doesn't know if he wants to work on our marriage, etc., etc. I'm stunned, heartbroken, and furious. I could have left years ago, but I stayed because I DID love him, even though I often didn't feel "in love," and I love our family. He texts my son almost every day, but has not even attempted to talk to me. It's like I dont even exist to him any more. I don't understand, and I don't know how to deal with it.
I am unemployed, and I am having to pack up the house we built together all by myself, because we are going to lose our home. My son and I will probably have to move to an apartment out of his school district. He has lived here all his life. I am probably going to have to file bankruptcy as well. And he is just doing his thing, like we aren't over here dying a little more each day. I tried to reconcile with him, offered to get marriage counseling, but so far, no move on his part, so I am just moving forward with packing and preparing for come what may.
He has not yet asked me for a divorce. He says we will wait until the end of October and see what happens. But this "time apart" isn't helping. I'm growing angrier and more disillusioned, more heartbroken with each passing day. I miss him and wonder how he can't miss me, but I also hate him for what he's done to us and feel like I will never trust him again. It's horrible, and I really don't know what I'm doing. He's asked to come to my son's birthday party this coming Saturday, which I think would be awkward because of the status of things. Somebody give me something, please?
He has always been a little OCD, moving from expensive hobby to expensive hobby, while I cheap-shopped, took care of everyone's needs, and sacrificed the things I wanted so everyone could have their needs/wants met. Everything he does, he does way over the top, and for the past three years, it's been biking/triathaloning, etc. I've felt like a single parent for years--he does whatever he wants, and I try to keep everything else together. To me, his irresponsibility and lack of regard for putting other people's needs ahead of his own has been hard to deal with.
In the past two years, we've been struggling with excessive debt, and I've been fighting to save our home from foreclosure, which now looks like its going to happen. I had finally lined up investors who were going to buy it, rent it back to us for 3 years, and then let us re-buy it at market value, and that was scheduled to close Oct. 1st. We have also been trying for years for my husband to be able to buy out his boss and take over the company he has been working at for all these years. That's scheduled to happen this week, and I will not be a part of it. Everything we've worked for is now falling apart.
He has never seemed very tuned in to the needs of his family or his kids, but suddenly, he is Mr. Compassionate to the rest of the world. I always attributed his habits, compulsions and lack of warmth to the fact that his own father left when he was young and they had a very rough time financially. But the one thing I did believe was that, despite the way he often behaved, he loved me and our kids as best he could. Now, that no longer appears to be true. He told me he isnt in love with me anymore, doesn't know if he wants to work on our marriage, etc., etc. I'm stunned, heartbroken, and furious. I could have left years ago, but I stayed because I DID love him, even though I often didn't feel "in love," and I love our family. He texts my son almost every day, but has not even attempted to talk to me. It's like I dont even exist to him any more. I don't understand, and I don't know how to deal with it.
I am unemployed, and I am having to pack up the house we built together all by myself, because we are going to lose our home. My son and I will probably have to move to an apartment out of his school district. He has lived here all his life. I am probably going to have to file bankruptcy as well. And he is just doing his thing, like we aren't over here dying a little more each day. I tried to reconcile with him, offered to get marriage counseling, but so far, no move on his part, so I am just moving forward with packing and preparing for come what may.
He has not yet asked me for a divorce. He says we will wait until the end of October and see what happens. But this "time apart" isn't helping. I'm growing angrier and more disillusioned, more heartbroken with each passing day. I miss him and wonder how he can't miss me, but I also hate him for what he's done to us and feel like I will never trust him again. It's horrible, and I really don't know what I'm doing. He's asked to come to my son's birthday party this coming Saturday, which I think would be awkward because of the status of things. Somebody give me something, please?