[Cyclopsmermaid]

Hello.
This is my first post, and I am not sure if anyone will read this, but if you do thank you. If not then may the void listen.

My name is Fiona. I am 27 years old. I have been married for about 4 years. I had sex on our first date. We were drunk and ended up getting pregnant. We got married 11 months after we found out that we were going to have a child. When I look back I can see how remarkable the chances of this encounter really was. I acknowledge the things that have happened in my life. Choices were made, I am accepting responsibility. I look towards life positively and aim to learn, heal, and grow.

Prior to meeting my husband and getting pregnant for the first time..I was isolated for 15 years of my life. I was abused by my stepfather, sexually molested by a teacher, and raped by 5 people. I went through college homeless and have since received my degree. In short I have been through a lot of trauma that has effected my mind. I am strong-willed but I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder with agoraphobia and borderline personality disorder. I came into this relationship with my husband with a lot of baggage and although I am doing better me and my husband are having some major issues. I am trying all that I can but it is getting to the point where its exhausting.

I am trying to become the person that I want to be but it is difficult when I do not have the support from my husband.

Our relationship is complicated. And we are very much different. We love each other but we don't always LIKE each other. I suppose that can be labeled as a "normal" marriage, but I know that what is happening is damaging for both of us and something has got to change.

I was just wondering if there is anybody out there that can talk with me. Maybe help me make sense of this confusion. Thanks.

 

[Uptown]

Fiona, welcome to the TAM forum. I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time in your marriage. For a person suffering from BPD, your description of events indicates that you have an amazing level of self awareness -- something that is very rare in BPDers.

As a man who was married for 15 years to a BPDer, I would be glad to participate in your thread wherever I think some of my experiences may be pertinent to your issues. More important, you likely will soon attract the attention of several other "Nons" (nonBPD partners) as well as BPDers (e.g., Mavish, Pidge70, Soul Potato and Trenton).

You likely will get more useful comments, Fiona, if you will provide us more detail on what the marital problems are. Specifically, what do you mean when saying, "My husband are having some major issues." What are the issues?

 

[mablenc]

I'm sorry for what you have been through, I'm curious to know what kind of treatments you have had and if your dignosis has been confirmed by another party. What is your goal in life? What is he not supportive about? I realize you got married bc you where pregnant and not for love, that must be something hard to deal with. What issues are you having?
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[Camelia]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have suffered so much and it has left such a mark on you. I know more about how that feels than I would like to. I personally think the best course of action for your marriage right now is for your husband to get educated on the illnesses, and how they impact your daily life. I hope you attend regular counseling. I go every week. There are some weeks that I would almost rather go to the dentist, but I go anyway, and it helps. Perhaps if your husband understood more about the nature of the illness, the triggers, and ways to help, your marriage will be better. It's okay for spouses to be different, but there have to be common things too. Share things, share love, and be willing to receive it.

 

[argyle]

Best wishes. BPD is hard, for everyone in the R/S. It is to your credit that you're accepting responsibility and trying to change your R/S.

I wonder what sort of issues are you and your husband are having and what sort of support you need from your husband?

--Argyle

 

[CreekWalker]

Hello,
Families have started out in stranger ways (o: don't worry. I fell for my husband within a week of meeting him and already had a small baby. You have a lot going on, but with every day you live, the bad experiences can be further behind, and the new/good ones take up more and more space in your life.

A lot of people are having good luck with DBT therapy; DBT Therapy | Dialectical Behavior Therapy Is it possible you could find a good therapy practice that is familiar with this?

Warm wishes
CW