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Hi there - Newbie here.

Looking for experiences or perspective on an issue in our 5-yr marriage. Husband travels weekly and I'm at home with our child. Our contact when he is traveling is becoming less and less and I'm not thrilled with this. Yesterday, when sending photos of our kiddo from his phone to mine I noticed a bunch of crazy pictures and asked him what they were. He told me his team went mechanical bull riding a few days earlier. I feel hurt that he wouldn't want to share that with me. His response was to shrug his shoulders and say it wasn't intentional.

This isn't an isolated incident. It feels like he has a completely different life during the week. I want him to have fun - but I don't understand why he doesn't share with me? Any advice? Pls & Thank you!
 

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Agree, that would seriously bother me. If he didn't travel so much & was home, he would be sharing his days with you right? There really is no excuse to keep in contact with you more.

Don't let it go.

Good luck.
 

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Would it help to suggest that weekly traveling for work can be a mind numbing, horrible, excruciating chore? The planes, the hotels, the never ending schmoozing. Its exhausting. Bullride? Yeah maybe that too... but on balance it is, in fact, like work the entire time. I wouldnt completely disregard him not wanting you to think he is having too much fun... he knows what you are dealing with at home...or he should.

And then you on the other end - probably feeling stuck to some degree while he is off seeing the world.

Its not all its cracked up to be *for either of you* - but thats the way it is with some jobs, and a new baby. You shoud tell him to send some of those pics so at least you can have some 'fun' too. You should do the same and send a pic to him of what is going on at the domestic front.

The lifestyle changes in a new marriage with a new child and your domestic challenges and his job that demands travel can be a pretty big deal once you look at it. Its like 'wow.. did I sign up for this?'

Any chance you 2 can get away for an overnight somewhere? Are you at a place in your life and do you have access to someone who can take the child overnight once?

Just having a little alone time can help perhaps. It sounds to me like you have a little cabin fever?
 

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I could never live that way. I'd be convinced that he was up to no good. My hat is off to those who can have a thriving marriage under these circumstances. It must be really hard.
 

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Our contact when he is traveling is becoming less and less and I'm not thrilled with this.
I wouldn't be thrilled about this either. He's away enough as it is. Not only that, but I would be suspicious of why he's communicating less being away so often.

Time to have a talk about this change.
 

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If he traveled once a year for business he'd probably share everything. But traveling every week? At that point it's just an everyday existence, and nothing to write home about. Plus, if these trips are one "cool" thing after another (like bull riding, or sky diving) then telling you about it every week is bound to sound like bragging. At some point you'll start complaining that you're home with the kids while he's out having fun all the time, and frankly, who wants to deal with that. It may look like fun, but to tell the truth, it's work. I'm not a fan of golf, but I do it because certain relationships have to be cultivated in my business. So, to a wife who's home with the kids, me going for a 4 hour "game" sounds like I'm having all the fun, and it just isn't that way.
 

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As others suggested, focus on why the frequency of contact is shifting; not exactly a red flag, but focus on that quietly.

PS. At least the photo was of bullriding instead of riding something else. ;)
 

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I quit telling my wife exciting things that happen to me because she is a horable listener!

says things like your so lucky you got to do that wish I could have done it or totaly interupts me and starts telling me her stuff.

are you a good listener?
 
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ColoradoMom - keep in mind this forum is heavily populated by a certain demographic. 'coping with infidelity' has a quarter of a million posts in it - the largest by far. 'long term success' has 3,000. People come here for advice for problems, and there IS good advice to be found here - but personally - I wouldnt jump to any conclusions. No red flags here to me - none whatsoever.

but then again... Im just another guy. ;-)
 

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I love business travel and if course have a little fun in the down time. But I don't tell my wife that I was drinking, gambling and staying out late. Why? I'm not cheating on her but it still sounds fishy if she knows I was out partying (or what I consider partying now compared to my wilder past).

Yor H was riding a mechanical bull and you're upset? Sounds as if you need to relax and stop being so edgy.
 

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I guess the OP needs to clarify...

Is he sharing less detail about his days away, or calling less altogether?

If it's the latter then that's the problem I was referring to in my first post.
 

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Part of me says that he doesn't want to rub this in your face. When I traveled for business I liked taking pictures but never hared them with my wife. Why? Because she would have wanted to go (who wouldn't like to go to London?) but couldn't so showing her the pictures would have just rubbed salt in her wounds.
This...BUT....i would still address it..

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OP, I so get where you're coming from. Your comment on the 'leading a different life' so resonated with me. My H travels for work, has for 15+ yrs - he's gone 3 weeks/home 3 weeks. Used to be 4 weeks on/2 weeks off, but has recently made a job change. This is truly not a life cut out for everyone. It can take its toll on even the strongest of relationships. I, too, would be concerned if the frequency of contact were to begin diminishing. Not so much so that I'd begin making accusations; but I feel if I'm doing my part on the home front (taking care of the kids, home, yard, vehicles, etc) I certainly have the right to ask WHY the change? I also ask H to share his experiences with me. If everything's legit, then there should be no reason he wouldn't want to. As far as 'after hours activities' - unless the opportunity is there for both of you to be out and about and be ok with it, then neither of you should be doing it. How we feel is: Neither of us should be doing anything we wouldn't want the other to do. I know some here aren't going to agree with this and I'm ok with that. Unless they live our lives/walk in our shoes, their opinions really don't matter. We, H and I, mutually agree to save our partying for when he's home. We view this as a gift to each other for the sacrifice we BOTH make.
 

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There is a difference between 'partying', and taking or going out with a work team. Team building is an important part of work... and it isnt exactly about riding bulls.

I dont travel much - but when I do its stressful. Sometimes we have conflict and tension and its necessary to go out at the end of the day and remember that everyone is pulling in the same direction, no hard feelings, etc etc. Typically, I call the wife - or she calls me when the kids are getting ready for bed and we char to 10 minutes just to say hi. She may shoot me a text mesage of the kids on one day, maybe not. I may text her a picture of the view from my hotel room in the morning - maybe not. Sounds like you need a little more reassurance than what works for us.

Just saying. Its not so easy to see it that way I have little doubt - when you are sitting home dealing with little ones and reheating chicken nuggets and cleaning the bathroom - but thats a fact.

I agree that if you feel he is partying there is more of an issue here - but really - burning off steam on work trips is part of it. We are not talking about strippers and doing shots and behaving badly, right?

I wouldnt do it - the idea of travel like that (constant) makes me tired just thinking about it... and the 'weeks at a time' thing - ugh. Not for me. Its a big sacrifice for both sides - and thats simply how some jobs are.

I guess what I am trying to say - it is exactly that - a sacrifice by both sides. He should be maybe making the extra effort to keep in touch - and she should also understand that its work - just as much as her job at home is work.
 
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