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Husband not meeting Wife's needs

7K views 34 replies 28 participants last post by  hinterdir 
#1 ·
Raw details:
He is 35, I just turned 30.I have maintained my weight and looks despite having a child and am considered pretty and sexy looking (32DD with 25 waist and 38 hip/ass ratio at 5'2" with nice face). We have 1 child together. Together 6-7ish years.
Problem:
Husband makes excuses like he feels ill (says he has IBS) or is too tired to avoid sex. This happens at all times of the day (I try to initiate). In fact, sometimes if I get all dressed up in lingerie and want to do something he like freezes up and 9/10 times turns it down. The only time we have sex is when he initiattes which is always in bed when we are about to sleep bu just like touching one of my breasts... that is it and thinks that is all I need so he can push me ontop of him and go for like 5 minutes... this is not how it always was but it has been this way for like 3 years now and I am over it. HOWEVER when we go on vacations he has sex the whole time like one to 3 times a day and acts differently so I think he is so full of shhhh using excuses at home and leads me to believe he is cheating, going to strip clubs, and at times I seriously question his sexual preference (if he is straight only because I honestly do not think straight men would turn me down in lingerie trying to initiate in a variety of ways). I have found his browser info on his phone showing he watches porn almost daily to whack off so he is purposely choosing that.
So I tell myself he is just lazy and contemplate staying together for the sake of our child. I also discovered that if I pretend to cheat on chats or he sees me flirt in person, he then will want to have sex but becomes angry with me, but I do this because I know I will get sex out of it from him. I am at a point where I try to open up discussion of an open relationship so I can get what I need, but he always says no he is monogamous only which I think is total BS, he is purposely not having sex with me and looking at porn. I have asked men in person about this and they all say it is not normal but I don't know if they are honest or maybe even blind to their own behaviors. Are there men out there who maintain interest in their wife after 5 years honestly or would I just be leaving to do the whole thing over again?Thoughts?
 
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#35 ·
Raw details:
He is 35, I just turned 30.I have maintained my weight and looks despite having a child and am considered pretty and sexy looking (32DD with 25 waist and 38 hip/ass ratio at 5'2" with nice face). We have 1 child together. Together 6-7ish years.
Problem:
Husband makes excuses like he feels ill (says he has IBS) or is too tired to avoid sex. This happens at all times of the day (I try to initiate). In fact, sometimes if I get all dressed up in lingerie and want to do something he like freezes up and 9/10 times turns it down. The only time we have sex is when he initiattes which is always in bed when we are about to sleep bu just like touching one of my breasts... that is it and thinks that is all I need so he can push me ontop of him and go for like 5 minutes... this is not how it always was but it has been this way for like 3 years now and I am over it. HOWEVER when we go on vacations he has sex the whole time like one to 3 times a day and acts differently so I think he is so full of shhhh using excuses at home and leads me to believe he is cheating, going to strip clubs, and at times I seriously question his sexual preference (if he is straight only because I honestly do not think straight men would turn me down in lingerie trying to initiate in a variety of ways). I have found his browser info on his phone showing he watches porn almost daily to whack off so he is purposely choosing that.
So I tell myself he is just lazy and contemplate staying together for the sake of our child. I also discovered that if I pretend to cheat on chats or he sees me flirt in person, he then will want to have sex but becomes angry with me, but I do this because I know I will get sex out of it from him. I am at a point where I try to open up discussion of an open relationship so I can get what I need, but he always says no he is monogamous only which I think is total BS, he is purposely not having sex with me and looking at porn. I have asked men in person about this and they all say it is not normal but I don't know if they are honest or maybe even blind to their own behaviors. Are there men out there who maintain interest in their wife after 5 years honestly or would I just be leaving to do the whole thing over again?Thoughts?
Well, I felt sympathy for you at the start of your story but by the end...you chatting with men on line, you flirting with men, you being open to having an open relationship....I really do not respect you and I really do not sympathize. Your moral compass seems off. I would tell anyone who was so dissatisfied with their lack of sex to have an intervention with their mate and declare how important sex and intimacy is and tell them they need to do what they need to meet your legitimate needs. If they will not then divorce.

Having affairs is just evil. Divorce him if it is that bad.

I think you flirting with other men is vile.

Now, pretending I didn't read the last part of your story, based on just the first part it sounds as if he is wronging you by using his sexual energy and outlet on porn. I believe porn damages relationships and marriages. I would advise to confront him about porn and ask him to stop, his sexuality is for you not pictures of other women that he enjoys all in private. I believe if he turned away from porn his sexual desires would be up and he'd desire you regularly. I wouldn't accept the porn. If he won't stop and won't fulfill your needs divorce him.

Make it 100% clear this is a legit, real need and he needs to hear you and value you and love you to make sure he is fulfilling your legit needs.

If you want to screw other men then just divorce.
 
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