My husband had been wanting a motorcycle. One day, we had a fight, and he decided that he would purchase it to "put me in my place." I was against this, because we don't have the money for it, (and of course, the intention of it all). I asked if he could wait at least until after my exams, because his animosity/passive-aggressive behavior makes it hard for me to focus on my rigorous coursework. He said he didn't care, and made the purchase.
In order to even the playing field, we have made an agreement that I will withdraw, from our savings, an equivalent amount to all money spent on the bike. This is not the best way to do things, but it's all I can do for now. In my opinion, nothing good can come of any of this, and I don't have an immediate use for the money. I would rather just have a kind husband that doesn't assert his dominance in such dramatic ways.
A bit of background: I am a full-time student; he is in the army (special forces). We have no children. I do not work, but I also don't agree with the idea that it is "his" money. Marriage should be a team. When I do get my career going, I would certainly never pull any nonsense like this on anyone.
I have a tendency to be controlling, but I have also brought it to his attention that if he was someone I could look up to, I wouldn't feel the need to make a lot of the decisions. (He does not read contracts, shop around for prices, and in general, does not like to "think" about any decisions that affect him or the two of us.) He threatens divorce and does things like this to shut me down.
I don't associate with his peer group, but they all get what they want, and I have a feeling that this macho mentality has rubbed off on my husband. I also have a feeling that his dad treated his mother poorly when my husband was growing up, and that my husband probably sees this as normal, acceptable behavior for a man.
I don't believe in divorce; I'd like to try all possible routes to make us work, but I know I don't deserve to be treated this way.
It's Thanksgiving, and he decided that he's not going to help me cook, just to "punish" me for disagreeing with him. He does this frequently. In order to keep the peace (and I guess it's also avoidance), I have him stay the night at his work, so that I can focus on school without him throwing his dominance in my face all of the time.
Anyone else gone through this?
In order to even the playing field, we have made an agreement that I will withdraw, from our savings, an equivalent amount to all money spent on the bike. This is not the best way to do things, but it's all I can do for now. In my opinion, nothing good can come of any of this, and I don't have an immediate use for the money. I would rather just have a kind husband that doesn't assert his dominance in such dramatic ways.
A bit of background: I am a full-time student; he is in the army (special forces). We have no children. I do not work, but I also don't agree with the idea that it is "his" money. Marriage should be a team. When I do get my career going, I would certainly never pull any nonsense like this on anyone.
I have a tendency to be controlling, but I have also brought it to his attention that if he was someone I could look up to, I wouldn't feel the need to make a lot of the decisions. (He does not read contracts, shop around for prices, and in general, does not like to "think" about any decisions that affect him or the two of us.) He threatens divorce and does things like this to shut me down.
I don't associate with his peer group, but they all get what they want, and I have a feeling that this macho mentality has rubbed off on my husband. I also have a feeling that his dad treated his mother poorly when my husband was growing up, and that my husband probably sees this as normal, acceptable behavior for a man.
I don't believe in divorce; I'd like to try all possible routes to make us work, but I know I don't deserve to be treated this way.
It's Thanksgiving, and he decided that he's not going to help me cook, just to "punish" me for disagreeing with him. He does this frequently. In order to keep the peace (and I guess it's also avoidance), I have him stay the night at his work, so that I can focus on school without him throwing his dominance in my face all of the time.
Anyone else gone through this?