You must talk about this matter together in private and help him to quit smoking step by step.
I fully agree.The fact that he is hiding it from you is because of how you react. Its sounds like you are the mom and he is the kid. Maybe be supportive of him. If he slips up, encourage him. This is his choice and I think you are making it harder for him to quit. You're making him want to smoke by monitoring him. If he wants to smoke he is going to smoke, period. Just back off and let him do this his way.
Whats left of your quote above looks like indications of a larger problem. Ask yourself why he would feel the need to go to such an extent. Also he doesnt have the same values as you regarding honesty. My wife and I dont have the same values on this either. I adjusted my approach to accomodate it rather than expect her to be a carbon copy of me. Its reality.I told him at that time that I was afraid that his incentive would lead to him lying to me about continued smoking. As it turns out, I was right.
I caught him yesterday going through a very lengthy ritual to hide his smoking.
Later that evening, after asking a few leading questions to give him the opportunity to admit what was going on, I confronted him
That a co- worker and a neighbor we barely know had been helping him hide it from me.
I was devastated and still am.
I know that quitting is hard. I wanted to be part of his support system, but instead he lied to me. I don't feel like I can trust him at all anymore. The lengths he went to hide this from me and the ease of the lie. He even tried to manipulate my feelings to keep his lie a secret. I feel really stupid for being so understanding through the mood swings and cravings. It is like he completely played me, and now I'm questioning other things. I struggle with depression and now feel very alone.
Is it an overreaction to be so upset? I could handle him having a hard time. I can't handle him lying to me. I'm literally always honest with him. I thought our relationship was a 2 way street in that sense. I just want to trust him again and have our easy relationship back.
Personally I got tired of sneaking so I just smoke in front of my wife and tell her I'll quit on my own terms. Besides I already quit alcohol so she knows if I really want it I can do it. But meh, I enjoy it too much.You could look at this situation and see him as a just a liar, or you could ask yourself why he doesn't feel he can tell you the truth. He's probably ashamed of his weakness, ashamed of your disappointment. Maybe he knew he'd get dragged through broken glass by his wife. He had a smoke. He didn't sneak out and rob banks or rape babies or have an affair with the neighbor's wife.
And that's how a real man handles it! Lying and sneaking is just immature and hurtful. Not to mention, way more upsetting than the smoking!Personally I got tired of sneaking so I just smoke in front of my wife and tell her I'll quit on my own terms.