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I have another topic on this fourm (We don't have anything to talk about), but the more my husband and I talk about our problems, the more I'm seeing that though we don't have a lot of conversations, that not really what's bothering him.

Now he says he has had doubts about us being right for each other since before we were engaged. He says he loves and cares for me, but he doesn't think it's the way you should love and care for your wife, but maybe a sibling or close friend. He has had these doubts and didn't feel he had anyone he could talk to about them because his family all love me. Through circumstances beyond either of our control I had ended up living with him and his family before we were engaged and he knew we couldn't break up because I would have no where to go. He thought that since he loves me, that that might be good enough and since he didn't know what else to do, he decided to take a step forward and marry me. I don't understand his thought process there, but I guess he felt stuck. We got married at 21, it's only been 2 years and we are 23 now.

Throughout our marriage he says these thoughts have come and gone/been forgotten about. He hasn't wanted to bring them up because he doesn't want to hurt me, but finally did let it out last Saturday. He says he feel like the worst man, that he should be happy because I'm the 'perfect' wife that everyone dreams about. Neither of us want this to come to divorce, but we don't know what to do to make it better. He really is upset at how much this is hurting me. We are trying couples therapy (we start Monday) and I'm hopefull, but he has already expressed his doubts that it will help. He says it's not that we are broken, but that we never fit together right in the first place. However, he also says that he is really going to try to make this work.

Has anyone heard of/been in a situation like this and it's worked out? I'm really starting to loose hope that this can be fixed =(. I hate this so much, because I've been happy with our marriage (for the most part, I mean everyone has their doubts and problems sometimes, but mine haven't ever really been serious doubts). Looking for any advice but mostly just seeing if anyone thinks there is hope for this not leading to divorce...=(
 

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We have our first marriage counseling tonight...I hope it goes well, but I know he is going into it thinking that it's not going to help. I really hope he is wrong...
 

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Counseling went OK. Just kind of highlighted what may have been the start of our problems (We no longer share the same religion. We used to go twice a week and hang out with friends after, but now that we don't have that, we need to find something we enjoy to fill that spot in our relationship). Therapist wants us to go separately, then go back together again, so we will see how it goes.

This is driving me crazy though. He gets so bipolar sometimes. For example, the other day we were having a good time and being loving toward each other, and tonight he's sleeping as far from me as he can get and before bed just seemed distant. I can't sleep so I'm on here hoping someone can give me some advice or anything.
 

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I'm curious what he means when he says he feels toward you like a sibling or friend. Does that mean that he doesn't desire you? How is your love life? Does it mean that you do things for him all the time like a mom would - and maybe he should be doing some of those things for himself?

Has your husband always been a moody person? Here was a good article that summarizes what I would want to tell you on how to deal with that aspect of your husband: Dealing with Moody People

I hope your counselling will help out.

Best wishes.
 

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I don't think it's a lack of desire, he says he's physically attracted to me, and that he is happy with our sex life. He says he cares or me, but he doesn't think it's the way it should be in a husband wife relationship. He says this is why he hasn't brought it up earlier is because he cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me.

The more we talk the more it seems like it changes what is the biggest problem. I'm convinced it's that we don't have as much in common now that his religion has changed...It was what our relationship was founded on (how we first noticed each other), and now it's gone and we can't think of anything big enough to fill that hole.

And generally he has always seemed happy around me, not moody, but apparently that has all been a front. He says he's not unhappy, but he's not happy. I don't know. I'll definitely read that though, since now he apparently is a moody person.

I hope the counseling will help also, but the more we talk, the more I really don't think it's going to keep us together...I think it will help us each individually, but not as a couple. It just makes me sad...Married and divorced before 24...
 
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