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Hi! My husband and I have always been plus size (I was uk size 14 when we met, now size 16). We got married 3 months ago, I’m 23 and he’s 21. To me that means we should both have pretty healthy libidos. But, unless I initiate, we can go weeks without sex. I’m also the only one who initiates snuggles or kisses.

he’s recently lost some weight so I’m wondering if that could affect how he seea me.

the other night I thought it may be fear of rejection holding him back, although that doesn’t make sense as I’m always mindful not to put him off making the first move. So I got all dressed up in fancy lingerie and he literally made fake snoring sounds

what do I?? I’m a pretty passionate woman of 23, I know I do sound like a weird one but I’m actually quiet normal albeit plus size
 

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How was your sex life and affection (kissing, cuddling, etc) before marriage? Has it always been this way or did things suddenly change when you married or when he lost weight?

For some people, when they lose a substantial amount of weight, they suddenly have the need to bang everyone but their spouse. Is he doing anything that would make you suspect he is cheating or wants to (physically or emotionally)?

Has your husband wanted you to lose weight with him? Improve your diet? Exercise with him? If you are refusing to do that or not supportive it could be a factor.
 

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It was always really good, he would just take charge and make me feel like a woman (not the easiest task as I’m 6” tall and size 16)

I wouldn’t say he isn’t the type to cheat on me, but, now with the lockdown, I’m pretty sure he isn’t.

During his diet, he’s actually been encouraging me NOT to follow him but pushing me to eat pizza and other calorie loaded foods.

so, if he simply has an issue with me, what can I do?
 

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It was always really good, he would just take charge and make me feel like a woman (not the easiest task as I’m 6” tall and size 16)

I wouldn’t say he isn’t the type to cheat on me, but, now with the lockdown, I’m pretty sure he isn’t.

During his diet, he’s actually been encouraging me NOT to follow him but pushing me to eat pizza and other calorie loaded foods.

so, if he simply has an issue with me, what can I do?
How is he handling the lockdown? Do you think he could be feeling a bit depressed? That could be affecting his libido and can cause weight loss for some people. If he lost his job or is stressed about money/the future, that can affect libido as well.

Have you talked to him about this? Communication is a very important part of marriage. We can speculate until the cows come home but at the end of the day, he's the only one with the answers.
 

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I’ve tried talking to him so many times but he’s always had difficulty emphasising with my problems (many people have told me he seems to have a low level autism)

he’s still got his job and I’m always so careful so give him his space as soon as he says he needs it
 

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Also, EVERY DAY, I make sure to get dressed properly so he doesn’t just see me in tracksuits the whole time
 

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Typically, affection and sex don't just suddenly stop. There is usually a slow decline over many months or years. You haven't been married very long. If the issue started around the same time as the lockdown, then I would assume it is related to that. He may be stressed and just isn't talking to you about it - it does sound like he has poor communication skills.

If he recently started any new medications, many have sexual side effects. If he has any health conditions, some of those can have an effect on sex life as well when the condition changes over time. It would be a good idea for him to get a checkup with his doctor to rule out a medical reason.

So, right now you have a problem in the bedroom but that doesn't mean you should try to fix it in the bedroom - if that makes sense. So instead of using lingerie, new toys, or otherwise trying to spice things up, work on the relationship instead. If the problem isn't due to a physical problem or stress, then it's time to work on your relationship. Don't put stress on your sex life, that won't help at all.

I know you feel like this is a problem with you, but there is a good chance it is actually a problem with him.
 

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Do you know why he lost weight, e.g. exercise and/or diet? If it happened mysteriously about the same time his libido disappeared, there could be a health problem that explains both.

For that matter, any unexplained weight loss needs to be checked out by a doctor.
 

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Sorry you're going through this.

It appears like straight up asking direct questions, clear, short, direct to H about wanting you.

Only for yourself, if you choose to, it may be good to improve diet and exercise.

Bear in mind I say that only for you and in no way am I saying you're too heavy.

And it's time to get H to have a complete physical including blood work, testosterone check. There may be an underlying physical reason his attention is lagging.
 

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Hi! My husband and I have always been plus size (I was uk size 14 when we met, now size 16). We got married 3 months ago, I’m 23 and he’s 21. To me that means we should both have pretty healthy libidos. But, unless I initiate, we can go weeks without sex. I’m also the only one who initiates snuggles or kisses.

he’s recently lost some weight so I’m wondering if that could affect how he seea me.

the other night I thought it may be fear of rejection holding him back, although that doesn’t make sense as I’m always mindful not to put him off making the first move. So I got all dressed up in fancy lingerie and he literally made fake snoring sounds

what do I?? I’m a pretty passionate woman of 23, I know I do sound like a weird one but I’m actually quiet normal albeit plus size
So, so many possibilities.
Until you pin him down and sit and have a full-honesty (but done lovingly) discussion and talk about sex, how much you want, why is he rejecting you...etc. and get some real answers out of him it is hard to know what is going on with him.

He could be hooked on porn and that is his sexual outlet and he doesn't want you.
He could have erectile dysfunction.
He could actually be getting involved in an emotional affair or physical affair with another woman
He could have low testosterone and need medical help or hormone shots
He may just not be physically attracted to you and until you get in better shape like him he may not change
He may be gay and the entire marriage is a lie
His drive just may be naturally lower than yours and he is kind of being selfish by not still giving you more intimacy because you need it more....if he doesn't need it as much he expects you to have to go without.

There are so many possibilities.

Until you sit him down and talk until the truth comes out it is hard to know.
 

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You are still both very young. He may have his eye on someone in the office. People often start to lose weight, dress better etc not for their SO but for someone else.
Keep your mouth shut and observe for now. Stop approaching him for sex.
Start doing the 180 on him.
Do you work? Start to back off and be interested in other things, go to gym, get some hobby, do not build your life around him.
If he is cheating on you, dump him you have your whole life ahead of you.
 

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So, right now you have a problem in the bedroom but that doesn't mean you should try to fix it in the bedroom - if that makes sense. So instead of using lingerie, new toys, or otherwise trying to spice things up, work on the relationship instead. If the problem isn't due to a physical problem or stress, then it's time to work on your relationship. Don't put stress on your sex life, that won't help at all.
This. 1000x this. Most problems in the bedroom are fixed anywhere but the bedroom!
 
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