[Ladylou]

I have been with my husband for 8 years, we have 2 children. I'm 30 he is 38. Over the past 5 years, things between us have slowly but surely deteriorated. He's now very distant, extremely moody, sleeps constantly. Despite asking him on numerous occasions what is wrong or what could I do to help? His response is always " I'm sorry I'm a bad person but I can't change who I am!" I suggested seeing a doctor, counsellor, I've queried if he's gay, having an affair etc he always says no to all. I've asked if he's just not interested in me, he tells me I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, he can't live without me, he adores me? His behaviour shows otherwise! How I got to coming on here was a friend approached me the other day to say it was clear that I was doing everything I can to help him but he's just not giving anything back, how long are you going to live like this with him. He's no longer interested in sex, when I asked him if he was masturbating he says no, I asked that purely to see if there was any spark of sexual interest left. It isn't sex really that gets to me it's the lack of any affection, conversation or even acknowledgement of my existence! What can I do?

 

[izzy123]

long answer - get a copy of divorce busting by Weiner-Davis.

short answer - you need to do something DIFFERENTLY to change the dynamic in your relationship. Stop asking what you can do to help and throwing questions at him. Can you think of an actions that you can take instead?

How is your lifestyle outside of the house/marriage? Any social activities, volunteer groups, exercise classes to join? If he sees that you are progressing in your separate spheres, then that might activate some positive energy in your relationship.

 

[indiecat]

You probably will have to issue an ultimatum, that he HAS to see his doctor or you have to separate. He sounds depressed. 5 years is a long time, something has to change.