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I am seriously having issues right now. My husband recently asked me if he could go on a weekend trip with his friend and his friend's teenage daughter (17) on a surfing trip this weekend. I told him no because I don't feel comfortable with him being around a teenage girl especially when she barely wears any clothes. They would all be staying the same place but will have separate rooms. He got angry at me and told me that I am just jealous of his friends daughter and he is not allowing me to spend time with his friends kids. I told him that it is inappropriate for a 51 year man to be hanging out with a teenager. His friends and him included, like to look at other girls at the beach (underage or not)...that I don't know. For me, it makes me sick to my stomach to know how he is and his friends are so for him to be around her, makes me feel very uneasy. I would personally would not let my daughter go and hang out with my husband's friends. My husband also likes to hang out with his other friend and their 20 year boys and "parties" with them. I am definitely married to a child. Am I overreacting?
 

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Why the heck would his friend invite him to go on a Father/daughter trip anyway? That is so weird! Does his friend know your husband likes to eyeball underaged girls? I wonder how he'd feel if he knew about your husband's proclivities. Who all are invited? If he insists on going, I'd go if I were you, and call his BS out in front of his friend and embarrass his ass good and proper.

Why shouldn't you be jealous of him leering at other females? You two are married, regardless of the age of said female. You're definitely married to a man trying to recapture his youth. My ex never looked at other women in front of me, but he cheated with a 19 y/o (we're both 40) and it wasn't about looks, chick is a pale imitation of me. However, he had an established pattern of hanging out with younger people 15-20 years younger and got stuck in Peter Pan mode.

Does your husband like having people look up to him and affirm his coolness by blowing smoke up his ass? If so, watch out. What do you plan on doing about this? I don't think you're overreacting.
 

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I am seriously having issues right now. My husband recently asked me if he could go on a weekend trip with his friend and his friend's teenage daughter (17) on a surfing trip this weekend. I told him no because I don't feel comfortable with him being around a teenage girl especially when she barely wears any clothes. They would all be staying the same place but will have separate rooms. He got angry at me and told me that I am just jealous of his friends daughter and he is not allowing me to spend time with his friends kids. I told him that it is inappropriate for a 51 year man to be hanging out with a teenager. His friends and him included, like to look at other girls at the beach (underage or not)...that I don't know. For me, it makes me sick to my stomach to know how he is and his friends are so for him to be around her, makes me feel very uneasy. I would personally would not let my daughter go and hang out with my husband's friends. My husband also likes to hang out with his other friend and their 20 year boys and "parties" with them. I am definitely married to a child. Am I overreacting?
Does your husband have any friends his own age other than these 2 fathers?
 

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This is difficult, but it's obvious your husband's behavior makes you feel uncomfortable. Knowing younger people through work etc and having some sort of friendship as in a work-based friendship I would think was pretty normal more of a same-sex thing. But hanging out and partying and holidaying with them I think is a bit of a red flag. Whether it is above board or not I wouldn't want to live with this type of stress. He looks at young woman/girls shows little attention to boundaries.
 

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It's may! where in the world can you surf in may without a full wetsuit?
I probably don't understand surfing. Here is what I do understand. Having people think you are a predatory creep.
You believe your husband and his friends are a danger to all children. I'm assuming you have some evidence to back this up. But it doesn't change the idea that it is a horrible relationship for him. Don't get me wrong I have no sympathy for child predators, But I wouldn't live with someone who couldn't trust me.

Older men interacting with teenagers a very short guide:
As long as common sense precautions are taken it is healthy for teenagers to have relationships with good mature men. The men serve as role models, mentors, and sounding boards. They also tend to reign in the more risky teen behavior.
The RULES:
No one on one interaction. Always at least 2 adults present (adequate adult supervision). Safe activities are planned and parents informed and consenting Safety as a priority). No sharing of tents or restrooms. (privacy protected).

There are some good youth protection courses available. They take 30 to 60 minutes to take. The one side effect is that after taking one you will wonder WTH schools are thinking. The break all the rules on a regular basis for cost savings.
 

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I am seriously having issues right now. My husband recently asked me if he could go on a weekend trip with his friend and his friend's teenage daughter (17) on a surfing trip this weekend. I told him no because I don't feel comfortable with him being around a teenage girl especially when she barely wears any clothes. They would all be staying the same place but will have separate rooms. He got angry at me and told me that I am just jealous of his friends daughter and he is not allowing me to spend time with his friends kids. I told him that it is inappropriate for a 51 year man to be hanging out with a teenager. His friends and him included, like to look at other girls at the beach (underage or not)...that I don't know. For me, it makes me sick to my stomach to know how he is and his friends are so for him to be around her, makes me feel very uneasy. I would personally would not let my daughter go and hang out with my husband's friends. My husband also likes to hang out with his other friend and their 20 year boys and "parties" with them. I am definitely married to a child. Am I overreacting?
Your husband has "creep" written all over him.

So his claim is that you won't let him 'spend time with his buddy's daughter?' What, is he her stepfather or something and you're depriving him of his parental rights? Maybe he needs to spend more time with his OWN daughter - unless he's creepy around her friends, too?

Yuck.

How can you possibly respect this guy when all he wants to do is gape at teenage girls and 'party' with 20 year old boys? I'd be so freakin' gone.
 

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On the surface, it really doesn't seem so strange or harmful. Do you have some other reasons to be concerned? I think that a lot of guys look at females on the beach so that's not so strange unless there is something that you're not saying or if they are kids.

As far as the trip, it might be creepy or not and it depends on a lot of things. I certainly don't think that the natural reaction should be that it's inappropriate for a man to go away with his friend and his friend's child or teenager. So I don't see it as a problem UNLESS there is some other factors in play here. Do you think your husband is going because of some sexual motivation? If so why?

I think it's kind of nice that different generations are spending time together and I think it's wrong to assume that there's sexual motivations unless there's more evidence of that than that he looks at females on the beach. But as always creepiness can be subtle and hard to describe. And for the 20 year old boys, that can be perfectly normal or unusual depending on if it's some kind of habit and the nature of the interactions.
 

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On the surface, it really doesn't seem so strange or harmful. Do you have some other reasons to be concerned?
I tend to agree with this, too. It sounds as though husband enjoys surfing, as does his friend (and friend's daughter). It's not that your husband is going for a surfing weekend away with friend's daughter. The trust of both her dad (the decision to invite his friend), and her dad's friend (your husband) are being questioned here. Unless there's something more to this than has been shared, whether something directly with your husband, or from your own history, I'd question the way this scenario is framed, titled, and the cause for mistrust.
 

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I agree that this does not have to mean anything creepy. Two buddies going surfing, one of the brings daughter who shares the passion. Why not? It is possible for men to be around young women without throwing themselves on them. Do you really think your husband will try to flirt with 17 yo in front of her father/his buddy?
If anything, bringing daughter with them will make both guys to be more responsible during the weekend: should not get too drunk or go after women in the bar. She will be kind of like a chaperone.

unless there is more that you are not sharing. But noticing good looking people on the beach is normal. We all see them, just trying to be discreet about it;) isn’t why sunglasses were invented?, lol
 

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This maybe innocent, but we are dismissing the fact that the OP feels really uncomfortable. We are taught to trust our instincts, why are we dismissing hers ?
 

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This maybe innocent, but we are dismissing the fact that the OP feels really uncomfortable. We are taught to trust our instincts, why are we dismissing hers ?
The OP asked for opinions on whether or not she's overreacting.

Of course we should have trust in our instincts but sometimes people's instincts ARE wrong and getting opinions from others is useful. People have shared opinions on both sides. In sharing my opinion, i was careful to not dismiss her discomfort but to probe more about WHY she's feeling uncomfortable with it because I get the feeling that there is more to this than what's been shared. We can only respond to what we know.
 

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He got angry at me and told me that I am just jealous of his friends daughter
This is the statement of a man who thinks you see the daughter as competition. It doesn't sit right with me. I can see why you're concerned. If your husband doesn't want to be seen as a dirty old man, then he can stop acting like one.
 

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He got angry at me and told me that I am just jealous of his friends daughter and he is not allowing me to spend time with his friends kids.
Is this written correctly? What you're saying is that HE is not allowing YOU to spend time with his friends' kids? OR do you mean that he told you that YOU are not allowing HIM to spend time with his friends' kids?

It's confusing because the idea to flows better with my second interpretation (i.e. it's things he told you but that's not what the words say.

Not trying to discuss grammar but if he's truly not allowing YOU to see his friends' kids then that would be weird if he, himself, wants to hang out with them. Regardless of what you mean here, it would be interesting to know his attitude for you being included in these outings.
 

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This maybe innocent, but we are dismissing the fact that the OP feels really uncomfortable. We are taught to trust our instincts, why are we dismissing hers ?
If your instincts are never wrong then your life is a lot simpler than mine. My instincts suggest things to me, some sensible and some really dumb. There is a middle ground btw dismissing and blindly trusting them, that is what we're going for here.
 

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This maybe innocent, but we are dismissing the fact that the OP feels really uncomfortable. We are taught to trust our instincts, why are we dismissing hers ?
Without her telling more we do not know. The act itself does not have to be suspicious, and that’all we can say based in the very limit data about her husband.
Unless OP comes back and gives us more details then we can have better understanding.
 
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