husband left me with a 2month old baby

2035 Views 7 Replies 5 Participants Last post by dojo, Dec 1, 2012

hopingandwaiting

Discussion Starter · Nov 29, 2012

quick background my husband and I have been together 9 years and married a year.

We have always had a great relationship, friends,good sex life, lots of affection etc.
We both agreed to try for a baby back in jan and I fell preganant very quickly.

H begain to become distant a few months before our baby was due and I saw the signs, would leave phone on silent, lost loads of weight, working out etc.

a week before our baby was due I found out he was having an ea with a co-worker. baby was born and he agreed to come back and cut all contact with her. When baby was 8 weeks old he decided he couldnt do it anymore feelings had changed ily but nilwy any more.

This left me heartbroken. I found ut the girls name, contact mutual friends, her parents and his parents yesterday and some work colleagues as I found out they were still seeing each other.

I did sleep with my husband a few times stupid I know. But before I found out they were seeing each other but we were seperated ( he moved in with parents) we were getting on I was trying to do 180 and he seemed to want to be around me more texting, cooking dinner, asking about what I was doing etc.

Last night things got bad, he reacted badly about me contacted her family etc. He now says he wants nothing more to do with me.

How do I handle this. Deep down I still love him so much even after all he has done. His behaviour is so out of character he was always the perfect husband, loving attentive, so excited about the birth of the baby and we have never had any issues before. Im pretty sure that there relationship hasnt become physical yet but they have kissed.

Im so lost

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ExitMusic

· #2 · Nov 29, 2012

Sounds to me like he's just a little bewildered by this other women at the minute. I'd give it a few months before I'd let go all together because you do have a child together.
Try not to contact him for a while give him space/time without you, to actually miss you.
You could try talking to his parents? Friends?

Does he see the baby? Because even if he doesn't love you, theres no reason for the baby to be neglected.

Good luck.

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hopingandwaiting

Discussion Starter · #3 · Nov 29, 2012

He has said that he does have feeling for this girl. He was seeing the baby 2 nights in the week and on saturdays and staying over. However he wanted to sit together make dinner, watch films and talk to me and laugh and joke like nothing had happened and I cant handle that knowing he is still with her.
I tried to be out in the eve when he came to see the baby but sometimes that wasnt possible so I would suggest that I sit upstairs and he would be like no stay downstairs.

I exposed to her family yesterday and he wants to be with her so I have said no contact at all and I dont want to be around him so I will take the baby to his mums on sat only drop her off and pick her up and not see him.

He is still providing financially for the baby too.

It does seem to me that he is really infactuated with this girls and I catch him lying to me again and again.

I cant deal with him anymore all the time they are together.

When I told his parents he said that he wanted to be the one to tell them.

I have exposed to a few work colleagues but havent to his hr dept. He works for a big bank in the city and I ont actually know if I want to get him fired as I rely on his income while on maternity leave.

We currently rent and the last thing I need on top of all this is to not afford the rent too.

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hopingandwaiting

Discussion Starter · #4 · Nov 29, 2012

His family and friends seem to think he is having a crisis and his mum actually asked me to wait for him.

I dont know if he will ever want to come back and cant wait around forever.
I would love for our little family to be together but I will no longer ask him to come back he has to be fully remorsefull and want to be with me not just for our babys sake.

He has isolated his closest friend even his best friend of over 10 years and he feels he s judging him.

He has become very close to a young single guy at work and feels that his work friends and her is his new life now.

He just keeps saying he is starting a new life for himself and obviously we are not part of that anymore

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Dewayne76

· #5 · Nov 30, 2012

you're not alone hon. My stbxw cheated on me after a blow up. We were stressed all year building a haunted house for business. Before selling our property and cars (hot rods) I asked her if she was completely happy with us and if we were ok... she said absolutely.

For a month that the new guys were around she went to flirting with the help. Time for me and daughter became zero. When I blew up at her, she kicked me from the room and cheated on me in 2 weeks.

Now we're living in 2 different places. Her her brother's and me at my friend's. She's served me papers. Gave me the Ily but Nilwy speech and said that she is wanting a new life w/o me. Doesn't want me or want a life with me (always adds "not right now")

We're co-parenting a plan of "when I can get her" and in the papers a 50-50 plan with no support.

It's like all of a sudden her views of life has changed. Says she's "Building a better life" I'm like WTF? heh. She's got issues.

So does your man. To leave you like that ... that's wrong.

Also, same as your man, my stbxw has a lot of new, single YOUNG friends. For me, I think mine was forced into an early "MLC" theory and is wanting to see if she can do better.

good luck and keep your head up. Love that baby no matter how you feel!

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hope4family

· #6 · Nov 30, 2012

These stories are similar to my own in various ways. Keep your head up. Do only what you are able to.

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hopingandwaiting

Discussion Starter · #7 · Dec 1, 2012

Im trying to!

My feelings are such a rollercoster. One minute I think I dont deserve this I wont take him back if he decided he had mad a mistake I will move on a find love again and be happy.

The next minute I just want him so badly and would take him back in a second

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dojo

· #8 · Dec 1, 2012

I am SO SORRY to hear about your struggles. Having a baby and being together for almost a decade should be wonderful things. Can't even imagine how hard it can be for you.

I am more stubborn than others so I'd probably not want to hear about this guy anymore. I mean he has A WIFE and A KID and he's doing this? Great. Get a divorce, put the bastard to pay through his nose in alimony and everything you can get your hands on (a cheating spouse might not 'sit' well in the court either) and move on.

You have a great thing happening in your life, that beautiful baby, focus your energy on it and forget the bastard. What he's done is absolutely disgusting. I don't care 'he's under influence' or all the crap others say to protect him. He's a husband and a father and should act like a responsible adult.

YOU WILL FIND LOVE again, just don't stay stuck in a bad marriage just 'for the child'. Your kid deserves better than having mommy put her life on hold for the sake of a cheating husband.

ALL THE BEST to you and may your life turn out great once again. You surely deserve that.

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