Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 18 of 18 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi, I’m 45 and my husband 41. About 2 years ago I found out he was having an affair with a 26 year old. When confronted, he told me it started The month before and chose to leave the house and not try save our marriage.
Fast forward two years, we are divorced and she now lives in the house I built for our family. They seem very happy and that infuriates me. My children have chosen to spend most of their time with them and his family have accepted her.
I’m stuck alone and he left me in financial crisis. I now have to find a job and look after myself.
My anger towards her is actually growing the more I see how he spoils her and spend moneys and I’m still stuck alone counting pennies. I spent 17 years supporting him and still feel very betrayed.
How will I ever get over the betrayal ? It’s like I keep getting angry and he doesn’t care because he’s so happy. I feel she took what belonged to me. My husband, my children, my house and my financial security.
Will this anger ever go away ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,888 Posts
Ruth i am sorry you find yourself here, may i ask how did he end up with the house? are not the children with you (at least 50-60 percent fo the time)
I going to bet you that he will find himself in the same position that he put you in with this 26 year old gets tired of him...he will not be able to keep up with her and she will find someone else.
in the end you are still young, do allow this jerk to write your narrative, put away the anger and focus on the next steps, the next goals.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
He was the breadwinner and owned the house... the children also prefer staying there as my new place is much smaller and they spoil them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,888 Posts
He was the breadwinner and owned the house... the children also prefer staying there as my new place is much smaller and they spoil them.
are you tell me that for 17 years his name was on the mortgage, and if the children are under 18 years of age they normally give the children to the mother...i have to say that you had a crappy lawyer i would hire a new lawyer and bring him back to court
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,128 Posts
What you need to do is stop living your old life and develope a fresh life with fresh perspective. The more you wallow in self pity, the more you think about how you got the short end of things and everyone else is living happy the longer the pain and anger will last.

Then there's that old saying....the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Have you dated? At least do things you enjoy, keeping busy is important.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,780 Posts
There are plenty of things to be mad at him for, but being happy after the divorce isn't one. If he was unhappy now, you wouldn't be any better off. A grudge does great damage, mostly to the person who holds it.

The anger won't so much "go away", you will have to dismiss it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
7,837 Posts
It’s true that life’s not fair and you’re living it. But forget about her. She didn’t steal him — he chose her. If you want to be angry at someone then direct it at him because he’s the real problem. And, no, it won’t go away as long as you keep feeding it so focus on making yourself happier and forget about them.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,529 Posts
@ruth07,

I merged your two threads because they are on the exact same topic. You will get better input with one thread per topic.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,529 Posts
Hi, I’m 45 and my husband 41. About 2 years ago I found out he was having an affair with a 26 year old. When confronted, he told me it started The month before and chose to leave the house and not try save our marriage.
Fast forward two years, we are divorced and she now lives in the house I built for our family. They seem very happy and that infuriates me. My children have chosen to spend most of their time with them and his family have accepted her.
I’m stuck alone and he left me in financial crisis. I now have to find a job and look after myself.
My anger towards her is actually growing the more I see how he spoils her and spend moneys and I’m still stuck alone counting pennies. I spent 17 years supporting him and still feel very betrayed.
How will I ever get over the betrayal ? It’s like I keep getting angry and he doesn’t care because he’s so happy. I feel she took what belonged to me. My husband, my children, my house and my financial security.
Will this anger ever go away ?
If they have a lot of debt, you could file for bankruptcy.

Do you have extended family living close enough that you can spend time with them? What about friends? Do you have friends you can do things with?

I'm asking because the best way to start healing is to surround yourself with people who care for you and start doing things that are good for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,421 Posts
I am so sorry!! That is probably every women’s worst fear, at least one of them anyways. I think that it’s really hard to get over a betrayal like that. But you can.

It always makes us feel a little better when bad things happen to bad people, and do the fact that he cheated and is living a happy life is really terrible.

I think that you need to change your mindset that he owns you anything, because he doesn’t. You are a grown adult and can’t rely on another person.
If you follow them in social media stop. Just off social media now, because they will just torture you. You need to use this challenging time to become better, not bitter.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
280 Posts
we are not living in America. Our country is patriarchal and supports the man. It’s a lose lose situation for me
Unfortunately this is very common in. patriarchal countries. Women are expected to be loyal to their husband and stay home and take care of kids, depended on their husband financially, but men can do whatever they want, even leave them when they find someone else younger. Women are the ones who are judged anymway. Like you blame her, not him. She is another “victim”, who may have same fate as you if he gets bored or she gets sick.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,175 Posts
we are not living in America. Our country is patriarchal and supports the man. It’s a lose lose situation for me
OK, because you had an American flag under your icon, I think it is natural that people assume you live in the US and under US laws.
In which country and under what laws do you live? It may guide the kind of advice that people give you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,955 Posts
He was the breadwinner and owned the house... the children also prefer staying there as my new place is much smaller and they spoil them.
After so many years were you not entitled to alimony or some financial support? Did you go through the courts and get a lawyer?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,955 Posts
we are not living in America. Our country is patriarchal and supports the man. It’s a lose lose situation for me
Yes, I understand that. Was there no way of getting something out of him
 
1 - 18 of 18 Posts
Top