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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi. I would like some advice about my situation, kind of a long post so..

Ive been married for 1 year and a half, since we got married we have had fights about everything, like three times these fights ended up being physical (both of us involved) one of this times I got bruises on my face. I know it sounds so bad but i dont think our relationship was that bad. We had funny moments and a lot of plans/projects for the future.
Today we were planning a vacations trip (out of the country) and the fight started! because he lost some papers (car documents). I had told him long time before to look for those papers and he said he did, but he lied. I got REALLY pissed off and say some hurtful things like: i hate you, damn you, idiot. He only laughed and started looking at me like he was proud of what he did. After some minutes I calmed down and went to look for him and tried to talk but he ingored me so I told him to go away and not talk to me. We are having a family get together in a couple of hours and I asked him if he is going and he replied thats none of your bussiness. He tried to humilliate me because he felt that I offended him so much even though he ruined my trip! I told him we needed to go gift-shopping and he say he didn´t need me and stuff so I went by myself, when I came back H had packed his stuff and told me he was leaving. I told him to reconsiderate and he said he made his decision and nothing is going to change it. I started crying and told my H to think about it. He said I already did and left.
He has done this before but I dont plan on taking him back again. I know I have done wrong too but I don´t think I deserved this on Christmas eve.
And about the car, i had paid for that car when we both work in the same thing, he NEVER helped me but he always uses it and lost the papers thats why I got sooo mad.
I need HELP , i dont feel any hope and I feel that mY Xmas spirit is ruined :(
 

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sounds like there is much more going on that is causing your relationship problems.
you mentioned a family get together. hopefully you have someone in your family you can talk over these troubles with as you try to sort out options and what you want to do.
from the brief description you gave it sounds as if both you may lose your tempers and say and do things you regret. you may need the helpful advice and intervention of a more neutral third party (like a marriage counselor) if both of you want to sincerely work on improving things.
It is always worse when these sorts of things happen on a holiday.
Hope you have someone(s) there to talk to about this.
 

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Im sorry he left on Christmas Eve. It does sound like you drove him to it. Maybe he didnt want to fight with you any more. You do sound pretty verbally abusive.

I wish you luck and hope things turn out for the best for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
sounds like there is much more going on that is causing your relationship problems.
you mentioned a family get together. hopefully you have someone in your family you can talk over these troubles with as you try to sort out options and what you want to do.
from the brief description you gave it sounds as if both you may lose your tempers and say and do things you regret. you may need the helpful advice and intervention of a more neutral third party (like a marriage counselor) if both of you want to sincerely work on improving things.
It is always worse when these sorts of things happen on a holiday.
Hope you have someone(s) there to talk to about this.
Yes theres a lot going on, I will go to a counselor since I don´t want family to know about marital problems because they dont really give neutral advice even if they mean well.
Thanks for your help
 

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You say that he has done this before. Where does he go?
 

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Yes theres a lot going on, I will go to a counselor since I don´t want family to know about marital problems because they dont really give neutral advice even if they mean well.
Thanks for your help
When someone doesn't want to go to MC because they assume that any MC will be biased against them, it means that they know in their mind that they are wrong. I suspect this is the case with you. You told your husband you hate him and he is an idiot, and you did this on christmas eve. If someone hated me and thought I was an idiot I would not spend christmas eve with them either.
 

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I can't help but think when I read your post, "Diarrhea of the mouth and Constipation of the brain". Try leading with your heart instead of these childish behaviors, I'm sure if you and your husband could manage to do that; there would be much more peace and happiness in your lives. Forgiveness is a blessing...
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
When someone doesn't want to go to MC because they assume that any MC will be biased against them, it means that they know in their mind that they are wrong. I suspect this is the case with you. You told your husband you hate him and he is an idiot, and you did this on christmas eve. If someone hated me and thought I was an idiot I would not spend christmas eve with them either.
You got me wrong I said I AM GOING to seek a counselor I have suggested this to my husband but he doesnt want to pay his half I even offered to pay for it. I said family's opinion might be biased . Yes I called him like that but he called me Bit=ch earlier cause I hurried him (we were late for an appointment) I m not excusing myself for my words I know it was wrong and I regret it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
You say that he has done this before. Where does he go?
To his parents place or just goes somewhere in the car and comes back later trying to act as if nothing happened. Once he went to a night club and assured me that he only went there for a beer.
 

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It's really sad when it's just simple lack of trust and communication. Being vulnerable is tough, especially when you've been hurt so many times. However, never stop trying, when hope is dead so is the marriage.
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He definitely should not be hitting you and leaving bruises on your face, but you really shouldn't talk to him like that either. If this is how you relate I don't think any relationship is going to work out for you until you seek some counseling and learn to deal with your anger.
 

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The hard truth is you guys sound like oil and water. Maybe by his leaving your H did you a huge favor. Once you get over the hurt and anger and try to look at things with less emotion, you will see that perhaps you are not right for each other.

That doesn't mean you are a bad person, it doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means that sh!t happens and you may have married someone that doesn't bring out the best in you. This will only get worse with time and it's better to know this early in the relationship instead of 20 years and three kids into the relationship.
 
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