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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Is it normal to keep doing this even if you're already married and have a daughter? He is also commenting to them. I thought he already stopped it. We fought about it thousand times before marriage and while pregnant before.

Although, he is so caring and loving. He always does everything to make me feel loved. Surprises, efforts, praising me, saying he loves me and that I'm beautiful and sexy. He's doing household chores and taking care of our baby to help me, even telling me his plans for our future.

I don't want to be unfair just because I'm jealous and insecure of myself. Please give me a piece of advice.
 

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Well, it shouldn't be normal and probably isn't although I know a lot of married or partnered men that mess around, Flirt and test the edges. Doesn't make it right.
Although your husband seems to be a decent guy and devoted to you, I can only feel like I want to yell at him; "CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!"
 

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I will drop this here.

 
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Is it normal to keep doing this even if you're already married and have a daughter? He is also commenting to them. I thought he already stopped it. We fought about it thousand times before marriage and while pregnant before.

Although, he is so caring and loving. He always does everything to make me feel loved. Surprises, efforts, praising me, saying he loves me and that I'm beautiful and sexy. He's doing household chores and taking care of our baby to help me, even telling me his plans for our future.

I don't want to be unfair just because I'm jealous and insecure of myself. Please give me a piece of advice.
Marriage is about communication. I suspect the majority of people, like you would reasonably feel disrespected. You can say as much to him, that is OK.

Your issue is that he is making a personal connection with another women, this is something that would be reasonable if he was single but he isn't anymore.

He is basically acting like he is single while you are married. You have every right to ask him to stop.

I wouldn't argue anymore though. I would detach for a little bit and distance yourself. That is a better strategy. You can't force someone else to change their behavior but you can change yours and give them consequences.
 

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If it bothers you, he needs to respect that and stop. He needs to really see his actions hurt you. Is it worth it to him to boost his ego a bit at your expense?

Maybe he didn't know how serious it affects your wellbeing. It sucks you have to tell him more than once. But it seems he isn't taking your complaint seriously, yet.

It's not about fair or not. Another couple may not care if their SO flirts online. But he's in a relationship with you and you guys have agreements on what is and isn't okay. Maybe make it more clear how it hurts you? He seems to know he can get away with it. So either he didn't really understand the consequences of his actions or he doesn't care about you.
 

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Most normal, healthy heterosexual men will look at sexy women.... IME, The one's that say they don't are either asexual or gay... .it's really pretty damned tempting and downright impossible to avoid these days...If you want to complain to someone about this, maybe you should take it up with Our Creator...

Anyway, that being said, he's an idiot...There are all kinds of ways to do this discreetly and he absolutely shouldn't be commenting on their photos...That's just stupid...
\
If he is all the things you say, then he's probably a decent guy, just failed at the subtleties of this aspect of male life...If you are still getting good sex and he has a lot of desire for you, then it's probably something that can be overcome...If you want a limp dyck dud, that doesn't do anything, never looks at sexy women, but look at X Box, sports, or some other crap, then you will have a far greater problem on your hands. Just hang around here for a bit and you will hear all the tales of woe from women with guys that are completely disinterested in anything to do with a woman and her body....

I'm not one for a tit for tat game(no pun intended), but maybe start to do the same thing he is doing to you...Start commenting and ogling on all those ripped/jacked tatted up guys that women circulate through social media,..Maybe he gets the idea that it's disrespectful to do this in this way..
 

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I don’t agree with a tit for tat, but I do agree it’s best not to say anything. Look, it’s public, I’m sure people can see all his comments and also see all the women he’s following... so I’m sure people are talking and pretty soon he’s going to be in an embarrassing situation where someone’s going to say something to him 🤫 wink wink.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I don't think it's right for any married man. You are normal to be jealous. What does he say when you ask him to stop?
I don't think it's right for any married man. You are normal to be jealous. What does he say when you ask him to stop?
He said he won't do it anymore and that he's just curious. I think it suits to single men. Do you know a married man like this? I know people who does but it's just that they are appreciating the girls. I dunno anymore. I think it's just my insecurities.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
He said he won't do it anymore and that he's just curious. I think it suits to single men. Do you know a married man like this? I know people who does but it's just that they are appreciating the girls. I dunno anymore. I think it's just my insecurities.
Thanks Diana for the advice
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I don’t agree with a tit for tat, but I do agree it’s best not to say anything. Look, it’s public, I’m sure people can see all his comments and also see all the women he’s following... so I’m sure people are talking and pretty soon he’s going to be in an embarrassing situation where someone’s going to say something to him 🤫 wink wink.
Someone told me so, same as you've said. But he is using dummy accounts for this.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Most normal, healthy heterosexual men will look at sexy women.... IME, The one's that say they don't are either asexual or gay... .it's really pretty damned tempting and downright impossible to avoid these days...If you want to complain to someone about this, maybe you should take it up with Our Creator...

Anyway, that being said, he's an idiot...There are all kinds of ways to do this discreetly and he absolutely shouldn't be commenting on their photos...That's just stupid...
\
If he is all the things you say, then he's probably a decent guy, just failed at the subtleties of this aspect of male life...If you are still getting good sex and he has a lot of desire for you, then it's probably something that can be overcome...If you want a limp dyck dud, that doesn't do anything, never looks at sexy women, but look at X Box, sports, or some other crap, then you will have a far greater problem on your hands. Just hang around here for a bit and you will hear all the tales of woe from women with guys that are completely disinterested in anything to do with a woman and her body....

I'm not one for a tit for tat game(no pun intended), but maybe start to do the same thing he is doing to you...Start commenting and ogling on all those ripped/jacked tatted up guys that women circulate through social media,..Maybe he gets the idea that it's disrespectful to do this in this way..
Am afraid he will blame me and put on me. Like I'm just like him and that since I am doing it, he'll do it too instead of stopping 😭
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
OP, you're going to have to enforce some consequences when he violates boundaries, so you can get through to him. Without consequences, he has no motivation to change what he is doing.
I tried. I did before. I am ignoring him. Then he got mad at me bec I'm making things like that a big deal. Also, no sex. But then, he just walked away mad too
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
If it bothers you, he needs to respect that and stop. He needs to really see his actions hurt you. Is it worth it to him to boost his ego a bit at your expense?

Maybe he didn't know how serious it affects your wellbeing. It sucks you have to tell him more than once. But it seems he isn't taking your complaint seriously, yet.

It's not about fair or not. Another couple may not care if their SO flirts online. But he's in a relationship with you and you guys have agreements on what is and isn't okay. Maybe make it more clear how it hurts you? He seems to know he can get away with it. So either he didn't really understand the consequences of his actions or he doesn't care about you.
I did. Long time ago. I got so fed up and gave up. I can see he's no longer doing it. But then, I found out that he still does it. Secretly. I already told him that just respect me as a person. If he wants sex I'm always ready. I always agree. He still adores me and praises me. But since I know that he's still attracted to others, then I feel like I'm not enough. I'm so obsessed with beauty products. I feel down why I am like this and that. It drains me. I know I'm the one who must first love myself. But I just can't.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
It's not a matter of it being "normal" or not. It's a matter of his behaviors violating your boundaries or not. It sounds like it does.

Normal is a state of mind.
What should I do. I tried everything already. Crying, consequences, opening up to him that it hurts me and triggers my insecurities, it is so disrespectful.. then he said when he got mad and burst like "maybe it's better if i should've cheated on you instead of reacting this way. Maybe it's better to do it for real"

Is this some kind of cheating? He just did it secretly like before bec accdg to him, he just don't want me get mad and make it a big deal.

He never cheated on me. He's always full of love, caring, help, support, effort, love words and all. But this, this is his dark side.

I'm torn between. I told him, if he will cheat on me, then that's that. It's gonna be over. He won't see us, my daughter and I.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Marriage is about communication. I suspect the majority of people, like you would reasonably feel disrespected. You can say as much to him, that is OK.

Your issue is that he is making a personal connection with another women, this is something that would be reasonable if he was single but he isn't anymore.

He is basically acting like he is single while you are married. You have every right to ask him to stop.

I wouldn't argue anymore though. I would detach for a little bit and distance yourself. That is a better strategy. You can't force someone else to change their behavior but you can change yours and give them consequences.
I already did this before. 🥺 He stopped. Then did it again. It's a circle.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Well, it shouldn't be normal and probably isn't although I know a lot of married or partnered men that mess around, Flirt and test the edges. Doesn't make it right.
Although your husband seems to be a decent guy and devoted to you, I can only feel like I want to yell at him; "CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!"
Haha thank you. Yes he is a decent man. Just having this kind of dark secrets. We're okay. We're always sweet. Tho, sometimes when we are making love, I'm wondering, is he thinking about me or the girl he followed and commented on. I actually asked this to him before. He said, those girls are nothing. Just a "wow" then that's it. My sister told me that even his bf also said that it's hard not to look on a girl when your mind knows that the stimulus is just around. It's like magnet. But after that, that's it. No string attached.

I just can't help it. I don't want to fight with him about this old tale that we have.
 

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Wow. I can't believe he said he should have cheated instead. Honestly, liking girls online is so stupid. He doesn't actually get that much out of it. Why is he so protective of that? Is he also paying for OF or other contents?

I am sure you are beautiful. Working on your insecurities is one thing. Him doing things his spouse says not to is another.

If it's just curiosity...can you ask him to share with you? Would you like to be a part of viewing together? Actually, I'm a woman, and I like to see Instagram models that are female. Not that I'd comment. So if he don't want to stop, would you want to be a part of the experience with him? Don't actually know if this is a good idea. But at least the secrecy part would be gone and maybe those girls would lose their allure. Part of the thrill is doing something you are not "allowed" to. So maybe he gets excited from that too? And so it would be less of a big deal if you let it be in the open?
 
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