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My husband and I met when I was 15 and he was 17. It was love at first sight for both of us. We became inseparable very quickly. I'd never felt anything like it before, nor have I felt anything like it since. I still love this man with all my heart and soul, and I have NEVER loved anyone else. I couldn't get him out of my mind in twenty years.
In fact, not long after we met, just a month before my 16th birthday, I lied to my parents and told them I was going to a concert and had my friend lie and say I was staying at her house. Instead, I stayed with him at his friend's house and I gave him my virginity. I've never regretted that. He is the only person I have ever known that was worthy of something so important.
Not long after I gave him my virginity, he made out with my best friend right in front of me in the car. He was driving, I was in the front seat on the passenger's side, and she was sitting between us. I was so angry I was afraid I was about to kill her, so I demanded he pull the car over and let me out. I walked home alone in the middle of the night.
He came over and knocked on my bedroom window later that night begging for my forgiveness, which I gave him because I love him more than anything. However, it wasn't long at all after that when he brought the sister of another of my friends home and took her into the bedroom we had begun sharing. (We'd gotten our own place together.) He says he kissed her and nothing else happened, but I SAW them go into the room together and it DESTROYED me at the time. I don't know why I didn't just jerk her up by the hair of the head and physically throw her out the front door. I guess because she was my friend's sister.
Again, I forgave him. However, after a while he had started hanging out with another female who he says to this day was nothing but a source of drugs to him (he used to have a drug problem, but has not touched them in many years.) Anyway, he told me one day he was going to this girl's house so her mom could cut his hair. I told him I'd pay to have his hair cut professionally, but he absolutely insisted he HAD to get it done by her mother. Of course, visions of him kissing my friend and going into the bedroom with my friend's sister entered my head and despite my begging him not to go, he did. As I said, he says now they had no relationship and it was only about drugs, but at the time I had no way of knowing that because he didn't tell me.
So I called this guy who had been asking me out repeatedly and I went on a date with him. When I got back, I told him about the date. He was heartbroken. He cried, and we broke up. There were a couple of attempts at reconciliation after that, but it was difficult. We didn't talk for twenty years, but I had been trying almost the entire time to find him. I loved him. I knew I loved him. But I couldn't locate him.
Fast forward twenty years. I have five children by two different men, two very, very terrible relationships that I regret and wish I could take back. I found him on Facebook. We talked for about a year, then decided to try to rekindle our love. It's been bliss, except for one major thing. He is extremely jealous of my past relationships.
Now, one would think *I* would be the jealous one because (a) I am female and (b) he kissed other girls right in front of me at least twice after I gave him my virginity. Yes, I AM indeed a bit jealous of his previous relationships, but not to the point he is by any means.
This problem rears its ugly head every week or two. Sometimes it happens when we are having sex and he can't finish. He will almost always keep going until I orgasm, then he will stop. He usually says it's because he has to pee or he's dehydrated or tired, but I tell him go pee and come back and he won't. Only once did he say he was thinking of me with someone else, but since then I am thinking that is always the reason when it happens.
Sometimes he just gets very quiet. Sometimes he actually gets angry and snaps at me and says something like, "Maybe you should call so-and-so. I'm sure his **** was bigger than mine and he could please you better than me."
The thing is, my husband is NOT small by any means. Occasionally it even hurts. If he were any bigger, I would not be able to deal with it. Additionally, he is the ONLY man I have EVER enjoyed sex with. EVER. Every time I ever had sex with anyone else, I would just lie there and pray it would be over quickly. They weren't him. No one ever was. In twenty years, no one was EVER able to make me forget him, even for a moment.
There are a few reasons he is so jealous.
1. I had a one night stand once. It was a guy I knew in high school. He was at my house, he initiated things, and I gave in simply because I had the stupid teenage desire to impress my best friend, and my best friend happened to think this guy was extremely hot. I wasn't even attracted to him. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. I was 16. I was impulsive and reckless and dumb.
2. I dated a series of guys after we broke up. Each one lasted at MOST a week or two. I had sex with most of them. I was heartbroken and stupid and just wanting to feel like I wasn't hideous and worthless, which is how I felt. It was a fair number of guys in the span of a few months. Nothing massive, but more than my husband has EVER been with in total.
3. One of the guys I dated was his best friend. After he and I broke up the first time, his friend came over and asked me out. I said yes, dated him for a few days, had sex once, and immediately broke up with him. I regretted it instantly, but I couldn't take it back.
4. I met this guy through a bizarre coincidence. I learned he couldn't stand my husband because he says my husband took a girl away from him. (I later found out this was not true, and the girl in question never liked the guy at all.) Anyway, he asked me to marry him and I impulsively said yes, because I thought it would get back to my husband (then boyfriend) and make him jealous and he would come back to me and tell me he loved me and wanted only me. He didn't, so I very stupidly proceeded with a marriage to someone I barely knew and couldn't stand. It lasted a month before I told him I wanted out because I was still in love with my now husband. He'd slapped the crap out of me a few days before that, so I didn't feel bad telling him the truth.
5. The guy I went on the date with when he was "getting a haircut" became my boyfriend. My cousin and my now husband drove me and the guy to his ex-girlfriend's house to get his stuff. My husband says I was making out with him in the back seat and telling him I loved him and apparently trying to get his pants off, but I honestly DON'T remember that happening. But I'm sure it did, because it still haunts my husband to this day. The only thing I can think of is that I must have been trying to make him jealous and hoping he would turn around and tell me he loved me. If he had, I would have dumped the guy in a heartbeat. I only ever wanted my husband. But I thought he didn't want me, that he didn't care, so I stupidly married this guy. Another very, very dumb move. He was abusive, and it lasted a couple of months off and on. We were never together long at a time, and then it was over for good. I didn't love him.
6. I was with my ex for 14 years. This is the relationship I was in when I found my husband on Facebook. This ex was extremely abusive to my children from a previous relationship, and when I found out what had been hidden from me I left. The only reason I even stayed in the relationship despite HATING this person, was because every time I tried to leave I got hit with threats of suicide and I was guilted into staying. I was MISERABLE. I even told his person (as I did everyone else I ever dated) that I was still in love with my now husband.
I should mention that the only time I ever did anything WHILE he and I were together was the one date I went on when he was over at that girl's house "getting a haircut" after I begged him not to go. Everything else was when he and I were broken up.
He just has so much jealousy over all of this. I made mistakes. I NEVER stopped loving him. I NEVER even remotely felt this way about anyone else. I can't take back my past, but I would in a heartbeat if I could. But most of it was twenty years ago, when I was around 16 years old!!!!
I just don't know what to do. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him over this. I love him so much. He truly, truly is the other half of my soul. If he and I don't work out, I will NEVER be with anyone else, because I see now that he is the one. The ONLY one.
I am faithful. I wouldn't even dream of doing anything with anyone else. I don't even find other men attractive anymore! I have done everything I know of to show him how very much I love him. I am with him 24/7. I have spent hours and hours filling out job applications for him and working on his resume. I have helped him get back into college. I have listened to him talk about how terrible his exes were to him. I've listened (painfully) to him talk about the sexual interludes he had with people he met online and such. It hurts, but not enough for me to get mad at him over. However he DOES sometimes get mad at me over MY past, which I have learned to rarely talk about. Sometimes things do slip into the conversation, though, and then I realize I've screwed up.
We are expecting a baby. This is his first child. We are happy. He is an INCREDIBLE husband the vast majority of the time. He makes me happy. He takes care of me and the kids. He is protective, loving, the most incredible lover I could ever imagine. He makes me smile and laugh. Hell, he even sat through a ten hour marathon of the Twilight movies in the theater for me! (Now THAT is LOVE!!)
I'm just lost. I don't know what to do. I can't stand to see him hurting like this. I don't know how to help him, how to make him stop getting these visions of me with other men that hurt him so much. I can't lose him. I love him so much!
In fact, not long after we met, just a month before my 16th birthday, I lied to my parents and told them I was going to a concert and had my friend lie and say I was staying at her house. Instead, I stayed with him at his friend's house and I gave him my virginity. I've never regretted that. He is the only person I have ever known that was worthy of something so important.
Not long after I gave him my virginity, he made out with my best friend right in front of me in the car. He was driving, I was in the front seat on the passenger's side, and she was sitting between us. I was so angry I was afraid I was about to kill her, so I demanded he pull the car over and let me out. I walked home alone in the middle of the night.
He came over and knocked on my bedroom window later that night begging for my forgiveness, which I gave him because I love him more than anything. However, it wasn't long at all after that when he brought the sister of another of my friends home and took her into the bedroom we had begun sharing. (We'd gotten our own place together.) He says he kissed her and nothing else happened, but I SAW them go into the room together and it DESTROYED me at the time. I don't know why I didn't just jerk her up by the hair of the head and physically throw her out the front door. I guess because she was my friend's sister.
Again, I forgave him. However, after a while he had started hanging out with another female who he says to this day was nothing but a source of drugs to him (he used to have a drug problem, but has not touched them in many years.) Anyway, he told me one day he was going to this girl's house so her mom could cut his hair. I told him I'd pay to have his hair cut professionally, but he absolutely insisted he HAD to get it done by her mother. Of course, visions of him kissing my friend and going into the bedroom with my friend's sister entered my head and despite my begging him not to go, he did. As I said, he says now they had no relationship and it was only about drugs, but at the time I had no way of knowing that because he didn't tell me.
So I called this guy who had been asking me out repeatedly and I went on a date with him. When I got back, I told him about the date. He was heartbroken. He cried, and we broke up. There were a couple of attempts at reconciliation after that, but it was difficult. We didn't talk for twenty years, but I had been trying almost the entire time to find him. I loved him. I knew I loved him. But I couldn't locate him.
Fast forward twenty years. I have five children by two different men, two very, very terrible relationships that I regret and wish I could take back. I found him on Facebook. We talked for about a year, then decided to try to rekindle our love. It's been bliss, except for one major thing. He is extremely jealous of my past relationships.
Now, one would think *I* would be the jealous one because (a) I am female and (b) he kissed other girls right in front of me at least twice after I gave him my virginity. Yes, I AM indeed a bit jealous of his previous relationships, but not to the point he is by any means.
This problem rears its ugly head every week or two. Sometimes it happens when we are having sex and he can't finish. He will almost always keep going until I orgasm, then he will stop. He usually says it's because he has to pee or he's dehydrated or tired, but I tell him go pee and come back and he won't. Only once did he say he was thinking of me with someone else, but since then I am thinking that is always the reason when it happens.
Sometimes he just gets very quiet. Sometimes he actually gets angry and snaps at me and says something like, "Maybe you should call so-and-so. I'm sure his **** was bigger than mine and he could please you better than me."
The thing is, my husband is NOT small by any means. Occasionally it even hurts. If he were any bigger, I would not be able to deal with it. Additionally, he is the ONLY man I have EVER enjoyed sex with. EVER. Every time I ever had sex with anyone else, I would just lie there and pray it would be over quickly. They weren't him. No one ever was. In twenty years, no one was EVER able to make me forget him, even for a moment.
There are a few reasons he is so jealous.
1. I had a one night stand once. It was a guy I knew in high school. He was at my house, he initiated things, and I gave in simply because I had the stupid teenage desire to impress my best friend, and my best friend happened to think this guy was extremely hot. I wasn't even attracted to him. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. I was 16. I was impulsive and reckless and dumb.
2. I dated a series of guys after we broke up. Each one lasted at MOST a week or two. I had sex with most of them. I was heartbroken and stupid and just wanting to feel like I wasn't hideous and worthless, which is how I felt. It was a fair number of guys in the span of a few months. Nothing massive, but more than my husband has EVER been with in total.
3. One of the guys I dated was his best friend. After he and I broke up the first time, his friend came over and asked me out. I said yes, dated him for a few days, had sex once, and immediately broke up with him. I regretted it instantly, but I couldn't take it back.
4. I met this guy through a bizarre coincidence. I learned he couldn't stand my husband because he says my husband took a girl away from him. (I later found out this was not true, and the girl in question never liked the guy at all.) Anyway, he asked me to marry him and I impulsively said yes, because I thought it would get back to my husband (then boyfriend) and make him jealous and he would come back to me and tell me he loved me and wanted only me. He didn't, so I very stupidly proceeded with a marriage to someone I barely knew and couldn't stand. It lasted a month before I told him I wanted out because I was still in love with my now husband. He'd slapped the crap out of me a few days before that, so I didn't feel bad telling him the truth.
5. The guy I went on the date with when he was "getting a haircut" became my boyfriend. My cousin and my now husband drove me and the guy to his ex-girlfriend's house to get his stuff. My husband says I was making out with him in the back seat and telling him I loved him and apparently trying to get his pants off, but I honestly DON'T remember that happening. But I'm sure it did, because it still haunts my husband to this day. The only thing I can think of is that I must have been trying to make him jealous and hoping he would turn around and tell me he loved me. If he had, I would have dumped the guy in a heartbeat. I only ever wanted my husband. But I thought he didn't want me, that he didn't care, so I stupidly married this guy. Another very, very dumb move. He was abusive, and it lasted a couple of months off and on. We were never together long at a time, and then it was over for good. I didn't love him.
6. I was with my ex for 14 years. This is the relationship I was in when I found my husband on Facebook. This ex was extremely abusive to my children from a previous relationship, and when I found out what had been hidden from me I left. The only reason I even stayed in the relationship despite HATING this person, was because every time I tried to leave I got hit with threats of suicide and I was guilted into staying. I was MISERABLE. I even told his person (as I did everyone else I ever dated) that I was still in love with my now husband.
I should mention that the only time I ever did anything WHILE he and I were together was the one date I went on when he was over at that girl's house "getting a haircut" after I begged him not to go. Everything else was when he and I were broken up.
He just has so much jealousy over all of this. I made mistakes. I NEVER stopped loving him. I NEVER even remotely felt this way about anyone else. I can't take back my past, but I would in a heartbeat if I could. But most of it was twenty years ago, when I was around 16 years old!!!!
I just don't know what to do. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him over this. I love him so much. He truly, truly is the other half of my soul. If he and I don't work out, I will NEVER be with anyone else, because I see now that he is the one. The ONLY one.
I am faithful. I wouldn't even dream of doing anything with anyone else. I don't even find other men attractive anymore! I have done everything I know of to show him how very much I love him. I am with him 24/7. I have spent hours and hours filling out job applications for him and working on his resume. I have helped him get back into college. I have listened to him talk about how terrible his exes were to him. I've listened (painfully) to him talk about the sexual interludes he had with people he met online and such. It hurts, but not enough for me to get mad at him over. However he DOES sometimes get mad at me over MY past, which I have learned to rarely talk about. Sometimes things do slip into the conversation, though, and then I realize I've screwed up.
We are expecting a baby. This is his first child. We are happy. He is an INCREDIBLE husband the vast majority of the time. He makes me happy. He takes care of me and the kids. He is protective, loving, the most incredible lover I could ever imagine. He makes me smile and laugh. Hell, he even sat through a ten hour marathon of the Twilight movies in the theater for me! (Now THAT is LOVE!!)
I'm just lost. I don't know what to do. I can't stand to see him hurting like this. I don't know how to help him, how to make him stop getting these visions of me with other men that hurt him so much. I can't lose him. I love him so much!
