[goodtoall]

We are in our 50s and have been married 8 years. When we met, my husband and I shared same ideas,dreams.....we both talked a lot. He works overseas on offshore rig for month on, month off. I have a job and we are empty nesters. With the extra bedrooms. my husband has started sleeping in one of them. He will sleep with me and get cuddly a few nights before he has to leave for work, no sex at all. The first week home...he is sweet, when I picked him up from airport this last hitch, he treated me to a manicure/pedicure. Within 24 hours, after his arrival, you can not please him anymore. He will drink several shots of tequila and drink several beers a day. I do not know of this is a problem. but if we say 20 sentences a day to each other...I would be surprised. He says I talk too much,I started ADD meds hoping this would help. My friends say it alters mu personality
..I shouldn't have to change ...I am a teacher and do not think I have ADD....I give him short answers. And if I try to converse with him, I am aware of trying to "make it short and to the point". But he still says I talk to much. Or "oh,I stopped listening"! I am home alone for a month at a time, am I expecting too much, or being emotional abused? This is our 2nd marriage.

 

[TBT]

I think you just have to sit down and talk it out...what you expect...what he expects...do you still share the same ideas and dreams.Imo the fact that he now occupies another bedroom and he doesn't talk much can be partly attributed to the fact that his life is lived in two entirely different lifestyles.He did choose however to be married and to my mind there comes an obligation to recognize your needs as well,so I don't think you're expecting too much in wanting him to be present with you when he is actually present...it seems only natural.As far as taking ADD meds when you don't have ADD...that's wrong and there are side effects.When you're having problems you have to be able to communicate with one another openly and honestly and with respect for one another...I hope you find the way to do this and maybe the best time to approach it is in that first week home when he may be more amenable and receptive to discussing your concerns.Good luck and I hope things work out for you and your husband.Take care.

 

[Chelle D]

Stop taking ADD meds if you are not ADD. A doctor prescribed these to you? Why would you tell him you have ADD symptoms if you don't?

Sounds like you are very social & possibly talkative. Your hubby is much more reserved. Now he has resorted to anti-social drinking. He is reverting into a shell, and not taking you with him.

I think he needs counseling. Go to some AAA meetings. See if anyone there thinks he is becoming alcholoic? Ie, is he drinking to shut you out, shut out the world? Or does he become anti social Because he is drinking?

Also sounds like possibly your two personalities just don't mesh well. But that is not an excuse to let him keep sliding into further depression (if that is what it is).

I seriously suggest counseling for him... and probably MC for both.

 

[IndiaInk]

I have no idea why why you're taking ADD medicine to cure a talking problem.

They actually tend to make people extremely talkative for several hours because they flood your brain with dopamine.

Besides, that's a harsh stimulant...you really don't want to be taking them if you don't have to.

Regarding your problem:

Whether you talk too much or not isn't the issue. It's unacceptable for him to handle it the way he does.

If you really have a problem with over-talking...he needs to put his hand up when you're speaking so that you stop and he can politely explain whatever it is that bothers him. For example, if you tend to go off on completely unrelated tangents he could stop you and say

See, now your talking about the dog barking...how did we get from paint colors to dog barking?"



In doing this, he could bring your attention to some habit you have that you may not be aware of...

But what he's doing now has got to stop

 

[katewislet]

8 years are more than enough, you need to figure out the things immediately, you are losing your attraction continuously. Find out solution immediately.
Best Luck

 

[goodtoall]

Thanks for troubleshooting with me. Let me clear up a few things-He is offshore, he does not spend anytime inland.....I dont worry about cheating overseas. We went overseas this summer for 2 weeks,some time was spent with a tour group.we balance it well, You would think he would be romantic.but that didnt happen. He is also overweight and feels bad about it. I tell him he could be extremely obese.I would always love him.People think I look good for my age. So insecurity on size could be an issue. no matter what I think. Also...someone e said I should talk to him the first week he is home.That week is always the worst...after 1 day or so. He says I am to easy going and positive. Within a few days.he is complaining about petty things...telling me that he gave me a verbal list of "priorities to do while he was gone". I stay busy and do a variety of things....I have tiled. Painted.repaired....all the things that attracted us to each other....So whether I work on something or not.I'm damned.....Now he is pouting because I did a $700 sewing job while he was gone to pay for a debt I owed. I didn't want it to come out of his pocket....And if it would have... wouldntnhavenbeen happynanyway.