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Discussion Starter #1
Hi all,

I'm brand new to this forum and I've come here with a problem that I have no one to talk to about. The problem is my husband of almost 3 years seems to be getting a little too comfortable. What I mean by that is he doesn't seem to care about the things he used to. He used to dress to look nice when we go somewhere, keep his hair neat and attractive, and also weighed about 20lbs less.

I understand this must all sound very superficial, but when you look at the man I met and him now it's hard to believe it is the same person. I love him regardless of how he looks, but I put effort into my appearance because I want him to be attracted to me physically. I just wish he'd do the same. He constantly complains about his weight but does nothing about it. I've told him that we are BOTH going to eat healthy and I even started doing P90X Lean in an effort to get him motivated and wanting to do it as well. That was a failure and I ended up doing it all alone. I'd like him to make an effort not only for the outward benefits for but the health benefits as well. I feel myself turned off by the growing belly, unkempt hair and lack of effort in appearance.

How do I tell him how I feel without hurting him? Is that even possible. Thank you in advance for your input.
 

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You can't really. He will be offended. All you can do is offer yourself as an example, but you need to take care even in doing that so that he doesn't feel like you're being manipulative.

I have the same issue wherein my partner hasn't the motivation, all I have done is stick to my regimen and hope for the best.

I know too, that I have been a pain in my own ways in the past which she put up with. Marriage is give, take, ebb and flow and at the end sometimes the best you can get is an imbalanced compromise. Still, I love my woman and will wait. As to the future, it will bring what it will.
 

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You can't really. He will be offended. All you can do is offer yourself as an example, but you need to take care even in doing that so that he doesn't feel like you're being manipulative.

I have the same issue wherein my partner hasn't the motivation, all I have done is stick to my regimen and hope for the best.

I know too, that I have been a pain in my own ways in the past which she put up with. Marriage is give, take, ebb and flow and at the end sometimes the best you can get is an imbalanced compromise. Still, I love my woman and will wait. As to the future, it will bring what it will.
This, pretty much exactly.
 

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Do you do all the cooking? Maybe start by cooking all healthy meals. You can cut out the fat, add a little spice and it still tastes good. Also, eating healthy gets easier after a while. There are cookbooks and websites(like weight watchers) for low fat recipes/cooking. As for exercise, is there something you can do together? Maybe start walking a mile together after dinner? This would be a good start. Throw out the junk food and replace with carrots, apples, broccoli, ect....

As for dressing better why not buy him some clothes you'd like to see him in. Have him or throw away or donate the things you don't like. Maybe ask him if he ever gets tired of what he wears.

I'm not a man, so I have no idea how to bring this up. There are a few things I don't like what my hubby wears, but I just tell him. He's always asking my opinion about his clothing in the first place. If I don't like it, he gets rid of it. My husband has a very fast metabolism, plus he works out daily. He's very thin and very picky what he eats. A lot of times I make 2 separate meals for dinner. One for the kids and one for hubby and I. We eat the healthier version, but I don't work and I have the time.
 

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I do all the cooking, and since we are vegan our meals are quite healthy. I don't buy the junk food, but when he is on his way to work he is buying the sugary energy drinks and eating out at lunch everyday. I told him that for one week to not drink the sugary drinks and bring his lunch, he dropped 6lbs in that one week! But that just wasn't enough to keep him away from the stuff.

For the clothes, I could buy whatever I want but he won't wear it if he isn't 100% comfortable in it. If the sleeves are slightly too tight or the neck falls weird it's out. He has clothes with the tags on it that are really nice that he's gotten from his parents and ex girlfriends and most likely will never touch them. He has some horrible shorts/capris and tshirts (I seriously don't know what they are) that he's had for 15 years, they are ripped and quite frankly ridiculous looking. He refuses to part with them. I've tucked them in the way back of his closet and even straight out asked him to give them up with no success.

My father is getting married very soon and I'd love for him to go get a haircut that doesn't look like he is a high school freshman from the 90's in all the pictures.

I love him so much but his total lack of motivation for his appearance really gets to me.
 

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The extra weight is not that much, so that wouldn't bother me - 20 pounds, but my husband is 6'2". How tall is your husband?

Now on to the haircut - I'm all over that. Why can't you ask him to get one? That is not an offensive question to a spouse?

Finally, could he be depressed? Not caring about your appearance is sometimes a symptom
 
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