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Husband is addicted

6K views 69 replies 28 participants last post by  Justsurviving85 
#1 ·
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???
 
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#2 ·
Sorry but this really isn't going to get better. Get you stuff in order and divorce. See a lawyer so you'll know what the options are for you. Don't tell him you are seeing a lawyer. Do you have a job?

He's looking to share. He wants to be a cuckhold or he's gay. His behavior means as some point he will also start to pressure you. None of this is good. I don't see any chance of him changing. Stop wasting your life with a guy who wants to be your pimp.
 
#9 ·
I do work and I am also in school. He does pressure me to have sex with him to the point where I don’t enjoy it at all anymore. The two children we have are his kids not biologically mine. When we were dating and in the bedroom fantasying and role playing was fun but now I see that he is trying to make it a reality I am not cool with that.
 
#59 ·
....He acts like a dog humping legs. Ewww. He needs to get his addiction under control. And, grow the hell up.
The usual way you cure a dog that humps legs is take them to the vet and "get the dog fixed" or neutered.

Unfortunately that is not usually legal or medically ethical.

And yes Ewww is the appropriate response to his behavior.

The OP's husband sounds like he has a lot of problems with healthy social interactions. He obviously, needs a lot of maturing to go through at a husband, a parent, and a member of society. The bad boy biker should have been a real red flag during early dating, but maybe he can agree to some serious individual counseling or therapy.
 
#16 ·
What do I do???
What you describe your husband doing is likely related to his suppressed bisexuality/homosexuality being explored via proxy. As in he was raised to believe only traditional heterosexual relationships were acceptable. Being a "big bad biker" sounds like a social support system that would likely humiliate and ridicule those with an alternate sexual orientation.

What do I mean by proxy? This means that he is using you as a way to attract and interact with other men sexually. Because you are female it is easy to for him to label all these interactions as heterosexual and allowable.

I could be wrong but from what I have read in psychology books about non-monogamy, this seems like the dynamic you are describing.
 
#21 ·
First thing is you need to find and wipe any copies of all of these pictures. Your husband has a real problem and even after you separate and ultimately divorce if he still has any he will be sharing them. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he escalated to uploading them to porn sites.

Your husband is a rear breed of creepy. He is addicted to these behaviors, he won't stop and will probably get worse. You might even need to get law enforcement involved. Get the pictures and do some google image searches to see if there are any publicly online already.

Get to a lawyer immediately.
 
#24 ·
A biker husband with homosexual tendencies and a desire to share his wife. Not likely to find too many people with your exact situation.

You don't need someone with an similar experience when there is so much going on that you don't like. Are you just looking for someone to tell you a way to fix this so you can stay with him?

I didn't see at first that the girls aren't yours. Where is there mothers? Even if they aren't your I assume you have some attachment and care for them after 6-7 years, so I can see why you haven't already jumped ship.
 
#23 ·
He sure is a great friend to his horny buddy, but has less than zero respect for his wife. He really doesn't seem to value you more than just a piece of meat. For your sake and for your daughters you have to get out of there. He's a filthy example of a man and you DO NOT want your daughters to think this is normal and acceptable behavior.
 
#26 ·
This “man” sounds awful. I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

you deserve WAY better. Everything this guy is doing is well beyond unreasonable. He’s trying to pimp you out and I wouldn’t doubt if he starts cheating soon if he hasnt already.

considering the nice things you do for him, I would say it wouldn’t be hard for you at all to find a quality man that would treat you with respect.
 
#32 ·
He wants you to dress provocatively in front of your daughters?!?!?! ..... This has more red than the chinese communist flag. In my opinion, he needs medical help from a psychiatrist today. He seems like a sex addict and borderline child predator.

I don't believe there is anything off limits in the bedroom between two married people who are into it. But him trying to farm you out like a pimp to friends is about as low and disrespectful as it gets right above physical abuse.

You need to get off this forum and get those kids out of there and lay down some rules with him..... 4-5 times a day masturbating, I didn’t even do that when I was a pimple faced glass of testosterone discovering porn at 15 lol.
 
#33 ·
This is just plain nuts.

This is the female equivalent of the guys that marry strippers and then complain that they keep going to the strip clubs, taking guys back to the boom boom room and blowing guys for extra cash in the parking lot.

You can't change him. There isn't any magic phrase or pearls of wisdom that will make him slap his forehead and say, "Oh man, I see what you mean, I'll turn into a normal husband and father now!"

This is about you and what you can do.

You decide if this is where you want to be and if this is how you want to live your life or not. If so, at least see if he'll charge his buddies for your nakey pictures and blow jobs so you can at least get the kitchen remodeled the way you want.

If that's not how you want to spend the rest of your life then get a lawyer and start working on getting a restraining order and divorce plan.

If you are afraid for your physical safety to even get to a lawyer then contact the domestic abuse organization in your area for assistance.

You picked a bad egg and rotten eggs do not magically turn good. you either find a way to live with it or you get away from it.
 
#36 ·
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom.
Sad to say, but you got what you went after. The whole enchilada. The bad boy aint so great now. Being a bad boy he is doing what the bad ones do. Isnt passing “the old lady” around to rest of guys in the club part of the deal? Why are you surprised.

Hope you aren’t living in the situation in “Hotel California”. Your bad boy n his buddies could make life unpleasant if you try to leave.
 
#38 ·
You need to leave him and take the kids with you. What he's doing in front of the kids is awful. You should report him to child Protective services and they can get the ball rolling. He's abusive. Putting your photos on the internet without your permission is illegal. They're all over it now. They will likely affect your employment sometime in the future. Your kids are in danger from this. Get the hell out and get custody of your kids. CPS will see to it.
 
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