Husband is addicted

5282 Views 69 Replies 28 Participants Last post by Justsurviving85, Jan 21, 2022

Married&confused15

Discussion Starter · Jan 14, 2022

We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???

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happyhusband0005

· #21 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???

First thing is you need to find and wipe any copies of all of these pictures. Your husband has a real problem and even after you separate and ultimately divorce if he still has any he will be sharing them. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he escalated to uploading them to porn sites.

Your husband is a rear breed of creepy. He is addicted to these behaviors, he won't stop and will probably get worse. You might even need to get law enforcement involved. Get the pictures and do some google image searches to see if there are any publicly online already.

Get to a lawyer immediately.

Reactions: 3

Married&confused15

Discussion Starter · #22 · Jan 14, 2022

Have any of you dealt with something like this?

BigDaddyNY

· #23 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???

He sure is a great friend to his horny buddy, but has less than zero respect for his wife. He really doesn't seem to value you more than just a piece of meat. For your sake and for your daughters you have to get out of there. He's a filthy example of a man and you DO NOT want your daughters to think this is normal and acceptable behavior.

BigDaddyNY

· #24 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
Have any of you dealt with something like this?

A biker husband with homosexual tendencies and a desire to share his wife. Not likely to find too many people with your exact situation.

You don't need someone with an similar experience when there is so much going on that you don't like. Are you just looking for someone to tell you a way to fix this so you can stay with him?

I didn't see at first that the girls aren't yours. Where is there mothers? Even if they aren't your I assume you have some attachment and care for them after 6-7 years, so I can see why you haven't already jumped ship.

Reactions: 3

Married&confused15

Discussion Starter · #25 · Jan 14, 2022

BigDaddyNY said:
A biker husband with homosexual tendencies and a desire to share his wife. Not likely to find too many people with your exact situation.

You don't need someone with an similar experience when there is so much going on that you don't like. Are you just looking for someone to tell you a way to fix this so you can stay with him?

I didn't see at first that the girls aren't yours. Where is there mothers? Even if they aren't your I assume you have some attachment and care for them after 6-7 years, so I can see why you haven't already jumped ship.

Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often

LATERILUS79

· #26 · Jan 14, 2022

This “man” sounds awful. I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

you deserve WAY better. Everything this guy is doing is well beyond unreasonable. He’s trying to pimp you out and I wouldn’t doubt if he starts cheating soon if he hasnt already.

considering the nice things you do for him, I would say it wouldn’t be hard for you at all to find a quality man that would treat you with respect.

Reactions: 1

ccpowerslave

· #27 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
How would that present problems?

Likely violent person who doesn’t obey laws, what could go wrong?

Reactions: 1

Anastasia6

· #28 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often

So don't take your phone to the lawyer's office. Leave it at work and go to your appointment.

Reactions: 2

Married&confused15

Discussion Starter · #29 · Jan 14, 2022

Good point from both of you

happyhusband0005

· #30 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
Have any of you dealt with something like this?

I have run into guys like this yes. These guy try and bs their way into the swinging community all the time. I have found them to seem mentally ill, they are so wrapped up in the fantasy they think if they can just get their wives alone with other men or another couple she will suddenly be into the idea. It is almost a psychosis, your husband is in denial that he has a serious problem. You might also want to sweep your house, bedroom, bathroom, anywhere you could be caught naked or engaging in sexual activity, and look for hidden cameras. This can go very deep and be very dark and over time he will likely get worse. Guys like your husband were a major factor in my wife and I deciding to step back from the lifestyle. Talk to a lawyer make a plan and RUN.

Reactions: 4

Married&confused15

Discussion Starter · #31 · Jan 14, 2022

Thank you for all the advice I have a lot to do and think about

ThatDarnGuy!

· #32 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???

He wants you to dress provocatively in front of your daughters?!?!?! ..... This has more red than the chinese communist flag. In my opinion, he needs medical help from a psychiatrist today. He seems like a sex addict and borderline child predator.

I don't believe there is anything off limits in the bedroom between two married people who are into it. But him trying to farm you out like a pimp to friends is about as low and disrespectful as it gets right above physical abuse.

You need to get off this forum and get those kids out of there and lay down some rules with him..... 4-5 times a day masturbating, I didn’t even do that when I was a pimple faced glass of testosterone discovering porn at 15 lol.

Reactions: 1

oldshirt

· #33 · Jan 14, 2022

This is just plain nuts.

This is the female equivalent of the guys that marry strippers and then complain that they keep going to the strip clubs, taking guys back to the boom boom room and blowing guys for extra cash in the parking lot.

You can't change him. There isn't any magic phrase or pearls of wisdom that will make him slap his forehead and say, "Oh man, I see what you mean, I'll turn into a normal husband and father now!"

This is about you and what you can do.

You decide if this is where you want to be and if this is how you want to live your life or not. If so, at least see if he'll charge his buddies for your nakey pictures and blow jobs so you can at least get the kitchen remodeled the way you want.

If that's not how you want to spend the rest of your life then get a lawyer and start working on getting a restraining order and divorce plan.

If you are afraid for your physical safety to even get to a lawyer then contact the domestic abuse organization in your area for assistance.

You picked a bad egg and rotten eggs do not magically turn good. you either find a way to live with it or you get away from it.

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Reactions: 1

oldshirt

· #34 · Jan 14, 2022

And also, a lot of these things aren't an addiction. It's bad character and bad behaviour.

Reactions: 2

Gabriel

· #35 · Jan 14, 2022

Sometimes the bad boys don't work out. Example, this guy.

You reap what you sow....

Reactions: 2

Rus47

· #36 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom.

Sad to say, but you got what you went after. The whole enchilada. The bad boy aint so great now. Being a bad boy he is doing what the bad ones do. Isnt passing “the old lady” around to rest of guys in the club part of the deal? Why are you surprised.

Hope you aren’t living in the situation in “Hotel California”. Your bad boy n his buddies could make life unpleasant if you try to leave.

EleGirl

· #37 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
Why would I leave my home that I have built. Why can’t I make him leave with his children?

You don't have to leave your home. But you can get out of your marriage. You need to see a lawyer who can help you end this marriage and get him and his kids out of your house.

DownByTheRiver

· #38 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
We have been together for 7 years and married for 6 years in the beginning when he would be the big bad biker guy it was sexy in the bedroom. But now that we have two daughters and he wants me to dress in see through and micro mini skirts in front of them I just can’t do that. I take pictures for him and him only (naked) and pics of us together then two years ago I find him on a swingers site trying to set us up and sharing my pictures with strange men. He said he was sorry and that he would quit. Of course I find it again a year later. This time he is pretending to be me and getting videos of men jacking off to my photos. When I confront him he just says that he likes the way men respond to my photos it makes him feel more like a man. I told him it makes me feel violated. He swore to me he would never do it again. Granted on there he hasn’t that I know of but now I find out he is sharing photos of me and videos and getting some in return from his friends and their wife for the past two years along with offer me up to have sex with his friend!!!!! When I confronted him he just said it’s because his friend and his friends wife are going through some things and his friend hasn’t been laid in over a year I told him I don’t care!!!!!! Of course this just happened. On another page if I don’t have sex with him daily or allow him to rub on me in my intimate parts even in front of the kids continuously then I get the guilt trips or he gets angry or the continuously jacking off 4-5 times a day. What do I do???

You need to leave him and take the kids with you. What he's doing in front of the kids is awful. You should report him to child Protective services and they can get the ball rolling. He's abusive. Putting your photos on the internet without your permission is illegal. They're all over it now. They will likely affect your employment sometime in the future. Your kids are in danger from this. Get the hell out and get custody of your kids. CPS will see to it.

Rus47

· #39 · Jan 14, 2022

EleGirl said:
You don't have to leave your home. But you can get out of your marriage. You need to see a lawyer who can help you end this marriage and get him and his kids out of your house.

Trouble is she is in situation similar to member trying to leave the mob. Lawyers n law enforcement are no help. She will need to secretly carefully plan her escape. Similar to going into witness protection. Having two kids that aren’t hers complicates the exit even more.

Stories about women trying to escape in local news nearly every night.

A cautionary story for anyone thinking to hook up with a bad boy ( or girl)

EleGirl

· #40 · Jan 14, 2022

Married&confused15 said:
Their mother was physically abusive to them this is how he received custody. Of course I am attached to them, I just lost my brother which would have been the person I would have ran to and two days after loosing him is when I find out about the stuff with the friend. I also have my disabled mother living with me trying not to uproot her. I don’t trust my husband and I know that he has a tracker on my phone he says it’s because I have a seizure disorder but I don’t believe that. If I were to talk to a lawyer one would have to come to me at work and hopefully my husband wouldn’t show up which he does often

There are different ways you can deal with the tracker issue.

You could just remove it and tell him that you are not ok with it any longer. Just stand up to him on this issue.
These days a lot of attorneys are ok with zoom meetings (or other types of video calls). You might not need to go their office. If you feel you can't do this on your cell phone 'cause your husband can find o9ut about the call, get a burner phone.
You could just leave your cell phone at work, or with someone you know, while you go to an appointment with your attorney.
You could choose an attorney whose office is near a place you would go shopping. Park your car at the store and walk or take an uber to the attorney's office. Or maybe an attorney near your doctor's office.

Do you have an office or other private place at your job where you could do phone appointments?

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