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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I met and married my husband from India almost 3 years ago and we have a newborn daughter together.

When we first got married, we got a lot of money from my mom as a wedding gift. Without telling me, he took the money and bought the house he was renting and put only his mom's name and his name as owners of the house. I warned my parents he was only after a greencard plus our money, but they didn't listen.

Last August I noticed a weird email used for a metacafe program. When I googled the email and name, I found two things. He was signed up on gays.com and listed himself as bisexual. A few months before our wedding, he changed it to "****". I still don't know why.

With that same email, I found a fake facebook profile where he listed he was part of the bisexual community.

I confronted him, and he said that since he works in IT, it was part of his work and they must have pulled his info when he signed onto another site. It would have been believable but his real birthday was on there and he added friends and information about himself.

This past Christmas, I also found out he joined several shemale groups on a yahoo account many years ago with this fake screen name. He said it was for work, but I don't believe his job required him to join private shemale groups.

This past week, I found out he has been taking money regularly out of the account and going to a strip club near his work. I was in another city visiting my parents and I took a flight back home to take my stuff and file for divorce and leave when we got into a fight. Police were involved and I actually spent the night in jail for being the "aggressor" when he was the one who threatened to kill my family + stab me and twisted my arm.

Either way, ever since I got out of jail he has not bothered to call once and has turned his phone off. I once called to check if his phone was on and after it rang twice, I hung up. He immediately texted back "do not disturb" :confused:

I feel like hes taking various measures to make me look guilty of harassing him so he can stay in the country and enjoy his "sexual freedom". He has no remorse for his actions whatsoever and I feel that he has been planning this from the beginning of our marriage. If he cared about me at all, wouldn't he have contacted me?

My parents keep nagging me that my daughter needs a father and hes not that bad, but he just needs major therapy. My intuition and evidence tells me I need to get rid of him ASAP and my newborn daughter will be happy without a father like him.

Any advice?

Should I let him stay in this country so he can see his daughter and support her financially? Or is he such a big sociopath and fake that I should get him deported?
 

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Welcome to the forum Priya and I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your husband has some major problems. He's selfishly disrespecting you as a wife, and using your family's money and connections to the US for his own benefit.

It sounds to me like he's trying to "gas light" you. That means he's mis-behaving but trying to make you out to be the crazy one. You're not, and you need to keep your wits about you.

First thing you need to do is become a 007 spy and start collecting evidence against him. Get evidence off his computer about all those crazy websites he's going to. Try installing a key logger to get his passwords etc.

Go to the store and buy two or three "VAR"'s, Voice Activated Recorders to record his conversations. Put one under the front seat of his car, and swap it out with the second one when the batteries go down.

Start there and come back to this sight for more advice. You need to have evidence in case you divorce and so that you have something more than a "he said she said" case.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Welcome to the forum Priya and I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like your husband has some major problems. He's selfishly disrespecting you as a wife, and using your family's money and connections to the US for his own benefit.

It sounds to me like he's trying to "gas light" you. That means he's mis-behaving but trying to make you out to be the crazy one. You're not, and you need to keep your wits about you.

First thing you need to do is become a 007 spy and start collecting evidence against him. Get evidence off his computer about all those crazy websites he's going to. Try installing a key logger to get his passwords etc.

Go to the store and buy two or three "VAR"'s, Voice Activated Recorders to record his conversations. Put one under the front seat of his car, and swap it out with the second one when the batteries go down.

Start there and come back to this sight for more advice. You need to have evidence in case you divorce and so that you have something more than a "he said she said" case.

Good luck!
Gas lighting huh? Thank you. Ive got tons of evidence but I think I need more if I want a divorce.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
dont disturb !!! unbelievable. Cut him out of your life. Enough drama
Yeah he has some nerve to say it but I think he was looking to get a negative reaction from me so we would start talking again. I didn't take the bait and havent tried calling again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
i cant believe this is a real question, are we being punked?
If it was just me, he would have been gone the second he put the house in his moms name. Family pressure to raise my daughter with a father that's involved is too high and that's what is causing me to hestitate.

Divorce in my culture doesn't just affect me, but my whole family. My family members who want to get married later on may have a difficult time because divorce is considered shameful and my husband has promised to drag my family's name through the mud.
 

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Priya616:

I think buladscot's point what that you put "...IF I want a divorce" implying you'd be crazy NOT to want one. However your following post points out that a divorce for YOU affects your entire family.

I assume there is no equivalent to an ANNULMENT in your culture? (An annulment ERASES the marriage completely, like it NEVER HAPPENED in the first place.)

Is he likely to be the kind of father you would WANT around your daughter? He's deceptive, greedy, manipulative, etc. What would he expose her to when she's living with him during visitation periods? What would he tell her about YOU? Your family? Americans in general (she's one, too)? Your culture? Your culture's beliefs?

You need to decide NOW if he's someone you want in your daughter's life. If you decide to have him deported, will the INFORMATION you have on his lying, manipulation, greed, etc. help your family's position in the future with regards to the divorce? I mean, will the fact that he acts this badly make your divorce MORE UNDERSTANDABLE in your culture? If your cousin found out her husband was a serial rapist/murderer, would your culture look down on your family if she divorced him? Is there behavior SO BAD that a divorce can be excused?
 

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One way to help would be to visit your local police. What he did with the money and house was fraud. So is using you to stay in the country. I would talk to an investigator. After all, if he is convicted of something criminal, I bet HE would be the one shamed and you could divorce him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Priya616:

I think buladscot's point what that you put "...IF I want a divorce" implying you'd be crazy NOT to want one. However your following post points out that a divorce for YOU affects your entire family.

I assume there is no equivalent to an ANNULMENT in your culture? (An annulment ERASES the marriage completely, like it NEVER HAPPENED in the first place.)

Is he likely to be the kind of father you would WANT around your daughter? He's deceptive, greedy, manipulative, etc. What would he expose her to when she's living with him during visitation periods? What would he tell her about YOU? Your family? Americans in general (she's one, too)? Your culture? Your culture's beliefs?

You need to decide NOW if he's someone you want in your daughter's life. If you decide to have him deported, will the INFORMATION you have on his lying, manipulation, greed, etc. help your family's position in the future with regards to the divorce? I mean, will the fact that he acts this badly make your divorce MORE UNDERSTANDABLE in your culture? If your cousin found out her husband was a serial rapist/murderer, would your culture look down on your family if she divorced him? Is there behavior SO BAD that a divorce can be excused?
Thanks for clarifying. I was wondering what Buladscot was trying to imply.

I'm not sure how the Annulment works, but it seems like it may be an option. Thanks, I'll look into that.

Now that you brought it up, I don't think hes the type of man I want around my daughter. He didn't take a single picture or video of my daughter on his phone bc he was saving room for porn on there. He would complain about the cost of formula when he would spend hundreds on strip clubs. She doesn't need a father, she needs a great father who puts his family's needs before his ****'s needs.

A lot of the Indian culture is backwards. Instead of getting rid of the dowry system, they abort or kill baby girls. When a woman is raped, they often blame the victim. When a woman is divorced, she is the one blamed for breaking up her own family instead of "adjusting" and ruining the family's reputation. He really has nothing on my family but I know he will make up stuff just to look innocent.

When I called his aunt to tell her I'm getting a divorce and I have proof of bank statements hes going to strip clubs, she implied that I created false documents to make him look bad. When his uncle heard that we would be getting a divorce, his advice to hubby was to find a way to stay in the country. Their whole family is full of scam artists. Instead of talking sense into him, they are making him out to be the victim.

I spoke to my family. They told me they won't force me to stay in the marriage at all considering the circumstances. They just ask I don't do anything in anger to provoke him.
He's such a master manipulator that hes convinced the men in the family that he's the victim so I cant begin to imagine what a sociopath like him will say when I file for divorce.

Thank you so much for the insight about if I want my daughter around a selfish greedy prick like him. For now, I think we will get separated and when his green card expires, I will file for divorce.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
One way to help would be to visit your local police. What he did with the money and house was fraud. So is using you to stay in the country. I would talk to an investigator. After all, if he is convicted of something criminal, I bet HE would be the one shamed and you could divorce him.
I don't really trust the police anymore. When I needed their help when he threatened to kill me, they blamed me for being the aggressor while ignoring the proof I had.

I will be contacting an immigration attorney today.
 
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