[Bonnie]

Hello. I'm hoping for some sound advice. My friends either validate me or get me more worked up. Either way, I need to know what I should do, or if it is me.
My husband has a staring problem. His friends tell me he has always been like that and that he stars at everyone. But I catch him staring at the ladies a lot though. It drives me nuts. I know we all look, but there is a limit. He calmed down a bit. But this morning as he was driving, making a left hand turn was staring at some girl in a suv with long dark hair and looked young/attractive, throughout the whole freaking turn! so let me know, Am I over reacting? and if so or not, to make a marriage work do I just ignore it? It makes me feel like I am putting myself on a lower standard of what I will tolerate though...whatever, it just makes me feel like an idiot ignoring it, like not looking at the problem.
The other problem we have is whenever he is stressed out over money he puts it out on me, with being really crabby and ready to argue about anything. Lately he has been fine. He is a good man, takes care of his responsibilities. He is a decent hubby.
Can anyone give some advice on what to do?????:scratchhead:

 

[hurthubby]

Have you discussed this with him, or had anyone else. He maybe doing it and not realizing it. The first thing I would do is to talk to him and see whats going on. Dont turn in into an argument just calmly ask why he is staring. Have you ever caught him staring at you(maybe he does when your not looking) Im not tryin to make excuses for him just tryin to help you get a starting point. However if this is something that you are uncomfortable with then you need to express that to him and he should respect your wishes.

 

[Bonnie]

we have talked about it. and argued about it. He says he stares at everyone,so he is nosy, but he stares at other woman. not sure if i should just accept that or what.:scratchhead:

 

[alte Dame]

Directly ask him to curb the staring at other women when he's with you because it hurts you. Ask him to do it for you.

 

[Cosmos]

A glance is normal a stare or ogle is rude and disrespectful. Talk to him again, OP, and ask him to stop making himself look foolish and you feel foolish.

 

[TheEruditeOne]

Bonnie, you honestly didn't notice this before you married your husband? I find it hard to believe that if he's been doing this his entire life (friends confirm this) that you missed this. What's really going on here?

Cosmos makes a brilliant point about the staring versus a glance. My mom's boyfriend does this too (55 yo) and it bothered us both. I questioned him while they were visiting my house and he told us that he is Autistic, amongst other things. That explained everything. While that doesn't make it better, at least we understand why he does it.

TEO

 

[Bonnie]

Bonnie, you honestly didn't notice this before you married your husband? I find it hard to believe that if he's been doing this his entire life (friends confirm this) that you missed this. What's really going on here?



TEO

yes, he did have a staring problem when we meet. And while we dated yes. I was getting out of a dull relationship when I meet my hubby. So at first I didn't care, cause we were not a couple. It was just for fun. Cause we did have lots of fun. He was very fun. Then he wanted to be in a relationship, and asked what he had to do for that to happen. I kid you not, I told him, "well you have to stop staring" he said "OK, I'm going to work on it, I will stop" Like an ding dong I believed him cause I was all in love! very very in love, and love is blind and makes you do silly things. I had so alive, before him I was feeling so dead, and bored.

so yes I did know. He is a great father and husband. He has his tempers, and can be a jerk at times. But I don't think he has done anything for me to leave him.

Maybe if I just have another perspective on this.

 

[BjornFree]

so yes I did know. He is a great father and husband. He has his tempers, and can be a jerk at times. But I don't think he has done anything for me to leave him.

You know I think couples these days throw out the divorce word so easily. Divorce shouldn't be an option unless there's physical abuse or cheating involved.

 

[greenpearl]

Next time, you can start pointing out sexy and beautiful women for him to stare. I think if he realizes that you know what he is doing, he will behave himself more.

And, when you see a handsome young man on the street, you stare at that man and let your husband know you are admiring that man's body.

 

[wiigirl]

You know I think couples these days throw out the divorce word so easily. Divorce shouldn't be an option unless there's physical abuse or cheating involved.

Do agree people use divorce as an easy out.

Disagree with everything else.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[BjornFree]

Do agree people use divorce as an easy out.

Disagree with everything else.

Posted via Mobile Device

I respect your stand on this matter.


But I'm just glad I married someone who is on the same page as me. We've been able to work through a number of issues. But that's just us.

 

[Bonnie]

You know I think couples these days throw out the divorce word so easily. Divorce shouldn't be an option unless there's physical abuse or cheating involved.

I agree. Dont get me wrong with my comment for not leaving though. My father gave me very good advice. He said there are only a few good reasons to leave : cheater, free loader/not providing, druggie, alcoholic, physical abuse, abuses child

everything else is workable. My hubby can be a real jerk when life is not going his way though. But he is working on it.

I just wanted I guess another perspective in this....

 

[MaritimeGuy]

You know I think couples these days throw out the divorce word so easily. Divorce shouldn't be an option unless there's physical abuse or cheating involved.

I disagree. If one side is not living up to their vows and even after it's brought to the attention refuses to do so the other side has every right to divorce them. Fidelity is not the only vow people make when they get married.

 

[Corpuswife]

Staring is creepy. And if done, in front of you, with attractive females...it's disrespectful.

 

[olwhatsisname]

he is probably an on the job GOURMET,and he is yours.

 

[DMZ1]

Hello. I'm hoping for some sound advice. My friends either validate me or get me more worked up. Either way, I need to know what I should do, or if it is me.
My husband has a staring problem. His friends tell me he has always been like that and that he stars at everyone. But I catch him staring at the ladies a lot though. It drives me nuts. I know we all look, but there is a limit. He calmed down a bit. But this morning as he was driving, making a left hand turn was staring at some girl in a suv with long dark hair and looked young/attractive, throughout the whole freaking turn! so let me know, Am I over reacting? and if so or not, to make a marriage work do I just ignore it? It makes me feel like I am putting myself on a lower standard of what I will tolerate though...whatever, it just makes me feel like an idiot ignoring it, like not looking at the problem.
The other problem we have is whenever he is stressed out over money he puts it out on me, with being really crabby and ready to argue about anything. Lately he has been fine. He is a good man, takes care of his responsibilities. He is a decent hubby.
Can anyone give some advice on what to do?????:scratchhead:

Mine does the same thing. We have talked about it and it has stopped for the most part. He stares not only at other women but men too. He's a people watcher. His daughter has even told him to stop staring so long at other people. It makes everyone uncomfortable. He said he likes to look at what others are wearing etc. OK. I still do not like it.

 

[FemBot]

There's a book called "for men only" and there is a chapter about looking at other women etc. basically it lets husbands know how hurtful it can be because as women we are so bombarded with beauty expectations and our husbands should be making us feel beautiful. Instead they make us feel the opposite when they ogle other women. He should be protecting your feelings, not trampling them. He has a great responsibility here.

At the same time are you making yourself as attractive as possible to keep his attention on you? Sometimes as wives we let ourselves go (stress, jobs, kids) and we stop putting effort into our looks for our husbands. I have come to find out that it matters to them greatly, even if it's not polite to say so...and he likely will never tell you. Anyway something to think about

 

[hambone]

Is he ADD or ADHD?

 

[olwhatsisname]

tell him to grin all the time.

 

[nogutsnoglory]

Next time, you can start pointing out sexy and beautiful women for him to stare. I think if he realizes that you know what he is doing, he will behave himself more.

And, when you see a handsome young man on the street, you stare at that man and let your husband know you are admiring that man's body.

This is a good method, if done correctly. When you see him staring at a girl. Say something like "pretty girl, huh?"
He may or may not respond, but leave it alone. Don't look for the confrontation to occur. This is about making him aware that 1. he does it and 2.you see him doing it. If he continues, then move on to men coming by and mention to him. "handsome guy, wow!" when he says "what?" let him know you have decided to make your observances an open topic with him, so the two of you are not upsetting one another. Make it sound like it's for the two of you. Believe me he will not want you checking out men and commenting on it as it will hit his ego and men can't handle that (most). When he finally says something about it, let him know everything in marriage is a 2 way street. It bothers you as well and you already asked it to stop, since it has not stopped you are trying a different approach so you can feel more comfortable with it. "If I start doing it, then I can't be mad at you for doing it". He will see that as logical and men can't argue against logic, its in our nature to look for logic. Use that against him. It will make him think more about this in your presence and he will get to a point that he tells you he is trying to not do that anymore and you doing it bothers him and he understands your point and voila. You Win.
Although disrespectful, you have to realize men are very sexual and constantly are looking at other woman. More than you will ever know. We aren't looking to score with them, just check them out. He is clearly taking it too far, I wouldn't take it too personally, but I would use reverse psychology and put him in his place.

Good Luck!