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This might be long but I would love some advice. My H and I have been together almost 4 years...married for 2. We have 2 awesome kids together. We met when I was 18 and he 32 but you can't even tell there is an age difference. In the beginning everything was great. We knew we loved each other and wanted to be together. But in the last year things have taken a wrong turn.

He is military so has seen a lot and been deployed 6 times. When he got back from his last deployment in May of 2011 he seemed fine but it wasn't long before things started to change. And when I had our son that July I really noticed it. He got mad a lot faster, drank a lot more, short term memory is horrible, and our sex life pretty much turned non existant.

He just got the confirmation about a 2 months ago that it is PTSD. And our lives have gone through so much stress in the 1 year that it has made things worse. He still wants to go out and drink a lot which makes things hard but I can handle that. What is getting extremely hard to deal with is the lack of passion and still not having very much of a sex life...which is maybe once every 2-3 weeks.

I am trying to hold things together so he doesn't feel bad but it is becoming hard. I try talking to him about sex and he says that I am being selfish and only thinking of myself and not what he is going through. I know he is going through a hard time but I also have needs that haven't really been met for the last year. I stay with him because I know he is a great person and a great father....but I don't know how much more I can take.

I'm 22 and feel like my world is passing by. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be with someone else....but I would never cheat on my husband. I just feel like the connection isn't there anymore and that we are more like room mates than husband and wife.

I would love to hear from people that are going through something similar and what I can do to feel the way I use to about him.
 

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Yes he is being treated. He goes to therapy and they have him on medication also for depression. They are still doing a lot of test on him at this point so hopefully when they are all done he will get a more structured treatment plan.
 

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what I can do to feel the way I use to about him.
If he's being treated, then you've got the hardest first step accomplished.

You're going to have to muster some patience with him. It's not like he can help what he's going through... he's not doing this to you on purpose. He's hurting himself in the process. He needs your support and love even when he's being difficult.

For some people, a mental illness is a dealbreaker. For others its a challenge. Which is it for you?
 

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My husband and I are both retired military and my husband is 100% disabled with the entire 100% for his PTSD.

If you are near a VA hospital, contact their Mental Health department which specilizes in counselling and groups specifically for PTSD. In addition, a lot of the VA facilities have PTSD spouse support groups (I'm in one here). You can get support from other spouse's who are in the midst of PTSD also.

It is tough and my husband has experienced all the same issues you are having. Quick to anger, shuts down, yells, no sex, no intimacy, paranoia--you name it.

We have been married almost 29 years and I know it's not his fault--so I make sure he takes his meds and attends his counselling/groups--the counselling/groups will HELP a lot as long as he goes regularly and makes an effort to "receive" the help being offered.

I've seen a big change in my husband since he went to counselling/groups for his PTSD. He can now be in large crowds without getting nervous. He doesn't have to vary his route when he goes somewhere all the time and little by little he is opening up to me "some."

It takes patience, time and love. If you're not willing to provide that, then maybe you need to seek support yourself or look at an exit strategy. Support for spouse's dealing with PTSD will help you to "understand" what he is going through, recognize the symptoms (which will help you to adapt your behavior to what is going on, etc.).

But YOU need to make a decision on what you are going to do because it's not fair to him to expect your support, then you bail.

But, if you would get some counselling or get into a group that specifically deals with PTSD, you would have more to work with and be better informed so you could help him if you decide to stay.
 

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Sadly the issue you describe is not uncommon for those spouses of forces personel that have seen action.

Drink is frequently a "get out" substance used as the process reduces the anxiety levels a little like anty depressants. being very straight here it could be said that when marrying a forces person you marry the issues that conflict frequently brings and therefore his war and its results thereafter becomes your war.

It wpould be really useful to you to ask the people helping your husband through this for some supportive councilling which will provide you with more understanding of this issue, allow you to vovalise the issues your encountering and provide you with some tools that will help you ans of course you are as much a victim as your husband.

This will be a difficult time for both of you, no one can deny that, Help is there and as a forces wife you may even find support through the "wives groups" which are frequently set up on and around forces bases
 

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Thank you al for your comments. I am open to counseling and we have marriage counseling set up as well. I try to be there as much as I can....but it is hard when I don't know how he feels. I try talking to him about everything but he doesn't want to. And I don't blame him cause I know he will when he is ready. I am definitelt staying with him. There is no way I could ask for a divorce when I know that he is going through so much. I really love my husband and I want us to get through this. I think it is just how bad things are right now that makes me question us staying together. I'm going to give things time to start working with his meds. and counseling and see how things go from there.
 

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I am so sorry you are going through this. Your situation reminds me a lot of mine. My husband is ex military and also deployed 6 times, PTSD and all of the same symptoms you have described. It is not easy- especially the no sex part. I know for me, it makes me feel very bad about myself, like maybe if I were skinnier/prettier he would be more attracted to me. :( It sucks!!

Being a military wife is not easy. I hope your husband improves with therapy. I know you mentioned that he is on medication for depression, that could be the cause of his low sex drive too. Medication can have those side effects.
 
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