Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I am looking for some advice. I have been with my husband for 8 years and only married for 15 months. My husband is the love of my life and I have taken his love for granted. He is normally a very placid and caring man. We have has a very tough time, I have been depressed and I have been working 2 jobs, he used to run his own business which he found very stressful, my husband does not cope well with stress.

My husband and I were living away from our families, he has been homesick but I did not understand the extent.

Towards the end of September my husband announced that he wishes to return to Scotland and that he didn't love me anymore, which I do not believe and neither do his friends.

2 days before he was due to leave I found out that I was pregnant, I told my husband and he freaked out and told me to get rid of the baby.

I should also mention that he has become extremely depressed and cold with everyone, all his friends and family have noticed the change of personality in him apart from his mum and dad, I think they are being very blinkered. They are glad to have their son back.

I went for my first scan last Monday and they found no heartbeat, I miscarried on the Monday night and I am absolutely devastated. On the Wednesday I left my home and have been signed off work as I could not take anymore. I have returned to my mums house in Scotland which is about 10 minutes from my husband. When I told my husband about the miscarriage he held my hand while I sobbed and he wasn't as cold as he had been, he looked as if he cared. I did not discuss our marriage with him, then I left.

About 8 weeks ago my husband has been chatting on Facebook to this absolutely ugly female who could not be further from his type, a cheap tart, the complete opposite of me. She knows who I am. Since returning to Scotland my husband has been meeting with this person and it makes me feel physically sick.

My mum (a nurse for over 30 years) met with my husband as she was concerned about him, she told him that he is depressed but he does not see it. He told her he hates me and blames me for everything that has happened.

I desperately want him back as he is my soul mate, we have such a connection and his behaviour is completely out of character. I want to help him sort our issues out and move on.

I downloaded the "Magic of Breaking up" by T W Jackson and I am struggling with the no contact. But I will not contact him if it means we will get back together.

Does anyone have any experience of this and or the depression? I would be grateful for any advice as I want my marriage to work.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long thread.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
The one thing I never questioned was his love and never thought this would happen. I have said some things which were not very nice and would be very harsh and angry with him.

We did not spend any time together and forgot who we were.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,335 Posts
I've so sorry about your loss. And with that I'm sorry I'm going to change the subject because the issue of your pregnancy came after he had decided to go and I think that that issue is a (significant) side issue.

You say he's been talking with a woman who is a "tart" which is completely opposite of you and not what he likes. To be frank with you, the fact that he's talking with this woman tells me that in point of fact that IS what he likes. At least some of the time. Which begs the question, is there any chance that you're not enough of a tart when the two of you are alone?

What are your ages? Your post kind of makes me think mid life crisis. Or if not, then possibly some kind of mental illness. But mid life crisis is the first thing to come to mind. Leave the wife, pick up a tart, get a new sports car, start sky diving....you get the picture. Although he hasn't done the last two. Yet.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for your reply.

I'm 25 and he's 26. He is definitely suffering from depression. He had actually started to come round to the fact that I was pregnant and wanted to be involved in everything.

I just don't know how to win him back? And how to approach him.

I do think you have made a point about my "tart" comment at least when we are alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,335 Posts
There could be a bit of a "dialect" barrier, but to me the "complete opposite" of a tart is a prude. So if he has the urge for a tart, but you've proven over the years to be a prude then I think that the answer to "how to win him back" is pretty obvious.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,478 Posts
Ginamarie - i'm so very sorry for your double heartbreak. You've had such a lot to deal with recently. Life sure sucks sometimes doesn't it!

I can only tell what i would do in your shoes. I would take all the energy I'd focused on him and focus it on me. I'd try my best to eat well, sleep well, exercise (both aerobic and strength), i'd work on my stress/mental health with yoga or meditation, find some new interests etc...

I'd also go dark on him. Do the 180 ( there are links on these boards for it). Being unavailable and mysterious may peak his interest in you... but if not the 180 readies you for your new life and remember a new life isn't always a bad thing... just a different thing than you wanted.

You can't make him want you and stay but you can look after yourself and get busy busy with your own life...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,335 Posts
Ginamarie - i'm so very sorry for your double heartbreak. You've had such a lot to deal with recently. Life sure sucks sometimes doesn't it!

I can only tell what i would do in your shoes. I would take all the energy I'd focused on him and focus it on me. I'd try my best to eat well, sleep well, exercise (both aerobic and strength), i'd work on my stress/mental health with yoga or meditation, find some new interests etc...

I'd also go dark on him. Do the 180 ( there are links on these boards for it). Being unavailable and mysterious may peak his interest in you... but if not the 180 readies you for your new life and remember a new life isn't always a bad thing... just a different thing than you wanted.

You can't make him want you and stay but you can look after yourself and get busy busy with your own life...
:iagree: I can't fault this advice at all. At the same time, I still stick with my earlier advice, but not until you get him back with you. And to get him back with you, this advice is best.
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top