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My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We are very young and I feel like we should not be having sexual problems so early. I will be 24 next month and my husband is 28. He has been a frequent watcher of porn basically the entire time we've been together. I've told him multiple times that it bothers me, and have even threatened divorce over it but he doesn't seem to care. Now it's becoming more of a problem because we rarely have sex anymore. I thought for a while it was my body he was unhappy with but I've lost a considerable amount of weight since we got married. My average weight nowadays is 130-135, so I'm not sure what the problem is. He watches porn nearly every day, and I find myself masturbating on my own nearly every day. We barely have a sex life. I don't know what to do! Please help!:scratchhead:
 

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He, like most guys, likes porn. Don't call it an addiction unless he's been evaluated by a professional.

Why did you threaten him with divorce if you weren't going to follow through?? That's a useless thing to do. Worse than useless - now he knows that your threats are empty and he has no consequences to worry about.

You need to tell him exactly what will happen if he continues, and then DO IT. Come up with something that you WILL do. And be prepared to do it, because now that you've shown him you don't follow through, he won't believe that you will this time either.

Also, my guess is that this is not the only problem you're experiencing. The fact he totally ignores your wishes tells me you have deeper issues going on. Get to the root of it - you're just treating the symptoms here.
 

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No... you're not too 'young' to have problems. The fact is, the honeymoon wears off and that is when all the interesting things start happening. The warm glow of infatuation slowly receeds a little and suddenly you realize that your mate does indeed fart and can be annoying sometimes.

Let me pose a rhethorical point however... Im not so sure I would be able to draw a gigantic differentiation between your masturbating and his. Perhaps my male bias is showing. Lets say you are using a vibrator and he is using a picture of...whatever... bottom line is - both of you are finding other ways to get a little satisfaction.

As Hope said - before you focus too much on the symptom - perhaps you both need to work on figurng out how to enjoy each others company again... all that before good sex comes back. Lets say he suddenly agrees to not watch porn ever again and lives up to it flawlessly. You really think your relationship will suddenly be all better?

In my experience - good sex only occurs when there is no resentment or friction or problems. It has very little to do with the few extra pounds you may have gained. What else is going on?
 

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For me, I'll turn to porn for different reasons, but never because I don't like my wife's body. The biggest reasons are that she is sometimes a pain in the butt sexually. I mean, sometimes it's just too much work to get her to have sex and porn is quick and easy. Not fair, I know.... it's pretty hard to compete with quick and easy when you're simply NOT quick and easy. The other reason I'll turn to porn is because I get off on certain things that she simply refuses to do. She used to not swallow, and she still almost never allows anal. Anyway, it's that sort of stuff that will make me prefer porn sometimes.

I'm not saying that it's a given that your husband feels the same. Just my perspective on my own porn use.
 

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I love porn but would rather be with my wife than masturbating. Hands down. But I do use it a lot and I suppose that I justify it by figuring that my wife (who has a lower sex drive than I do) will probably say no that evening. Especially if we had some fun the previous night.
 

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My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We are very young and I feel like we should not be having sexual problems so early. I will be 24 next month and my husband is 28. He has been a frequent watcher of porn basically the entire time we've been together. I've told him multiple times that it bothers me, and have even threatened divorce over it but he doesn't seem to care. Now it's becoming more of a problem because we rarely have sex anymore. I thought for a while it was my body he was unhappy with but I've lost a considerable amount of weight since we got married. My average weight nowadays is 130-135, so I'm not sure what the problem is. He watches porn nearly every day, and I find myself masturbating on my own nearly every day. We barely have a sex life. I don't know what to do! Please help!:scratchhead:
Seems to be a big disconnect. I would think he's taking care of himself when you're available, right?

Have you always been available? Some guys turn to porn when their wife is no longer interested (or can't keep up with his needs) and when she becomes interested, he's already found out that porn and masturbating is easier and less frustrating than trying to initiate and being turned down.
 

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He, like most guys, likes porn. Don't call it an addiction unless he's been evaluated by a professional.

Why did you threaten him with divorce if you weren't going to follow through?? That's a useless thing to do. Worse than useless - now he knows that your threats are empty and he has no consequences to worry about.

You need to tell him exactly what will happen if he continues, and then DO IT. Come up with something that you WILL do. And be prepared to do it, because now that you've shown him you don't follow through, he won't believe that you will this time either.

Also, my guess is that this is not the only problem you're experiencing. The fact he totally ignores your wishes tells me you have deeper issues going on. Get to the root of it - you're just treating the symptoms here.
This....and dont bluff...mean what you say.

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Discussion Starter #8
I should clarify that masturbating was never a regular thing until the sex stopped. I LOVE SEX! I am available whenever, however. There is nothing that I won't do. About the divorce issue, I thought by saying that he would stop..assuming that our marriage is more important than porn. I really have no other reason to want to leave other than that issue. I've even tried to get him to watch it with me and make it something we can enjoy together.
 

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I should clarify that masturbating was never a regular thing until the sex stopped. I LOVE SEX! I am available whenever, however. There is nothing that I won't do. About the divorce issue, I thought by saying that he would stop..assuming that our marriage is more important than porn. I really have no other reason to want to leave other than that issue. I've even tried to get him to watch it with me and make it something we can enjoy together.
Just make sure that when you make a threat such as divorce, you follow through with what you say you're going to do if chooses not to stop. He likely wont just because you want him to.
 

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I went thorough the same thing with my husband.

You just have to stop talking about what you are going to do and do it. Don't threaten him with divorce and not do it. Follow through with it.

Like you i wanted sex all the time and we would only have sex once every other month. It drove me absolutely nuts.

I told my husband that if i found it again, I was done! Sure enough i found it yet again. WE fought about it yet again. 2 days later I left.

It wasn't so much that he was watching it, it was because we were having sex 6 times a year!! He was replacing our sex life with porn.

I am back home now! Porn is no longer welcome in this house Ever, because of everything that happened.


The next time you make a threat make sure that you follow through with it, empty threats mean there are no consequences. Why should they stop, if you don't follow through?
 

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My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We are very young and I feel like we should not be having sexual problems so early. I will be 24 next month and my husband is 28. He has been a frequent watcher of porn basically the entire time we've been together. I've told him multiple times that it bothers me, and have even threatened divorce over it but he doesn't seem to care. Now it's becoming more of a problem because we rarely have sex anymore. I thought for a while it was my body he was unhappy with but I've lost a considerable amount of weight since we got married. My average weight nowadays is 130-135, so I'm not sure what the problem is. He watches porn nearly every day, and I find myself masturbating on my own nearly every day. We barely have a sex life. I don't know what to do! Please help!:scratchhead:
I'm missing the porn "addiction". All I see is a husband and wife who have some serious communication, and connection, issues, with porn being used as a possible scapegoat.

:scratchhead:
 

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I suppose that you can say I'm addicted to having orgasms because now that my wife's sex drive has improved, my masturbation has decreased. Therefore less porn. It's a simple formula- if you don't want your husbands watching porn, bang him more.
 

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There is something wrong with a man who chooses porn over his wife.

Don't make the mistake of blaming yourself, this is absolutely your husbands issue, however as others have said, he clearly needs some harsh consequences and flollow through from you.

Porn can be highly addictive, and IMO has no place in a marriage nor sex life that is supposed to be between two people.
He needs to focus on you, and be connecting with you, because his behaviour is destroying your marriage. However even if he is addicted to porn, he is still choosing porn over you, that is on him, only he can stop doing that.


Book your self into counselling and make real steps to move on with out him.
 
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