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hey, I was hoping someone could help me. I have been married for 4 months now. My husband and I got married after 6 years of dating.

My husband and I are young (24) and have always been up for having three somes because we are younger and just live a little on the crazy side when we go out and party...BUT nothing to this extent.

About a year ago, something "extremely" crazy happened. one night me and him and my cousin go out and all have a bunch to drink, and she comes onto me. Much to my surprise because she is my family - she starts making out with me and trying to do other things. I found this strange, but my (then fiance) kept egging it on. I guess I was to drunk to handle the situation correctly and just kept going with it .. later to find out we all had a three some. I never brought it up to her again, I thought it was weird that she came onto me and just never wanted to talk to her about it. Time goes by and my fiance tries telling me that he really likes the fact that me and her hooked up a month before we are to wed and asked to do it again. I told him over and over again that I did not want to but he begged me and wouldnt stop asking for it. We got married and relocated to San Fran for a 6 month job contract for him. He continued to bring it up and said he just asked this ONE thing and promises to never bother me about it again... I told him I did not want to but if this is what he needed then fine, only one time.


He starts messaging her on FB - saying things like "come out here and be my babygirl" "ill take good care of you" .. and so she buys a ticket to come out there. I THEN see these messages after her ticket is bought and get very upset because him talking to her like that was not in the plans?? He said he was just trying to get her to come out there and I had nothing to worry about. He stopped talking to her like that and then she flew out here..

That night he decided to try and get me EXTREMELY drunk .. (although I can be an angry one if i dont like something) and he of course did it so he could hook up with us and have a three some but I ended up getting extremely upset over them being all over each other at a bar.. and I made a huge scene. They end up LEAVING TOGETHER.. and left me there .. I walked home (drunk) and did not hear from them for 2 days.. They got a hotel both nights and finally came home on day 2 after dropping her off at an airport and lied and told me nothing happened. He finally told me on Monday morning before he had to go to work that he ate her out and they had sex. and that he was sorry but he felt like it was best if I went home because he needed his space and was "upset" with me because of how I acted at the bar.

Heart broken. I go home -- i was extremely upset and did not know what else to do. Later to find out .. He flew her back out there and they had sex multiple times - the week after I got home. The only reason I found out was because my neighbors out in california were so nice to me and texted me and told me she was here..

When I found out, I blew up his phone and he ended up flying home that night. When he got home he didnt even feel sorry.. he was just saying "if you want to work this out we can try" .. but no remorse in any way. I asked him a million questions and he answered them like this : q: "how could you fly her back out there" a:"I wanted to know how it felt with another woman" he had told her he loved her while she was there -- i asked him "why" a: "It was just something to say at the time" q:"how could you do this" a:"you pushed me to do this" q:"how could you do this with my COUSIN?" a:"It didnt matter who it was"

He wouldn't talk to me about anything else and I continued to feel like I was being lied to still. he was there for one week and had to fly back to work and i stayed in georgia because i was still upset .. he told me he would never talk to her again -- and then ended up telling me he was still talking to her and wont stop until he knows if we are going to try or not..

I decided i want to try because we just got married and only if he would go to counseling - so i flew back out here and have been out here for 2 weeks. he put in his 2 weeks at work and so we are going back to GA. we have not gone to counseling yet because we are going back -- but i cant but help sit here and questions him to death and he wont answer anything and still hides his phone and says "trust him" .. I have no idea what to do .. He seriously is not a bad guy, though it seems like it .. I just honestly dont know where to go from here and any insight would be VERY APPRECIATED !!!
 

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Annulment. That would be my answer.

Everytime I think MY husband is an ass, I read something like this and my heart just skips a beat. :(

He blatantly cheated, is still being dishonest, blames you - ugh, I wouldn't even deal with that. Just walk away before walking away gets really tough.

He really doesn't respect you... And honestly, I'd be on Springer with my cousin. Family should always be the ones you can trust. :(

Wish I was more informative or insightful... :(
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That's so wrong. I don't see how you can get past that. If he is like this early in your relationship, is it worth working on?
 

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You will never be able to trust him! I dont think I'd be able to get over the fact that he spent two days in a hotel with her and left you at a bar alone. What a jerk!!

With family like your cousin, who needs enemies!?
 

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My husband and I are young (24) and have always been up for having three somes because we are younger and just live a little on the crazy side when we go out and party...BUT nothing to this extent.
First I'm not a religious person so this isn't some knee jerk reaction.

When you had the threesome you basically told you husband it's OK to have sex with other women, and the same for you. The two told one another that you don't value the other sexually enough to only want them.

That action right there opened the door to cheating.

Now about your cousin. It's obvious they were having sex behind your back long before your husband got you drunk that night and your cousin came onto you.

See they were already a couple back them, and they decided to add you as the third to their bed. (see how this threesome stuff is nasty to relationships) At no time was it you and your faithful husband adding her, it was always her and her BF (your husband) adding you.

When you moved to CA your husband had to find a way to get her out there with him. Hence the story about inviting her out. You allowed your husband to pay for his lover to come visit so he could have sex with her.

You should be madder than h3ll and you should do the folllowing:

1. Get an annulment. He married you under false vows. He was already in an affair with your cousin.

2. Expose the affair to friends and family. Frankly, I'd start with the guest list to the wedding. Send each one of them a letter saying your cousin XXXX and your husband have been having an affair since before the wedding. You've now found out and are annulling the marriage.

3. See about suing your soon to be ex husband for the money he has spent on plane tickets and hotels to carry on his affair.

Sorry, but you are the third person in this relationship and always have been.

What's the story, why didn't he just marry the cousin? Is she already married? Does she have kids that tie her down?
 

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Oh, and realize that about threesome's: If they're willing to share you, they don't value you sexually. Sex is a strong bond between husband and wife. When you take away its value and give it away to a third person, you weaken that bond.

I recommend you don't do threesome in future relationships that you actually value. IF you need to swing and have an alternate lifestyle, then do it as a single person.
 

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Play with fire, you got burned---mge, is a 2some, TWO, do you understand that----you wanna be kinky---become single again, and do whatever

That said---your H, is one very large Ahole, and you need to get this so called farce of a mge, annulled----don't wait till you have to ge thru D., right now, you can just get an anulment

You know what your POS, H is all about---why would you stay with him one more day-------he cheated on you, he wanted to cheat on you, and by doing so, he "dissed", you and treated you like a POS---and basically that is what he thinks of you

It's your life, just remember, you only get one chance at life----do you really wanna stay with the scumbag H., that you have---or would you rather move on and try to find a decent caring man to partner with, who we will be there for you, and you only

Also "out" your cousin to the whole family, cuz she is lowlife scum also
 

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Threesomes have no place in a marriage imo.

Get an annulment, don't look back, and the next time you get married don't act like your single.
 

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Just remember... If you start airing the dirty laundry, be prepared for it ALL to be aired. Including your participation in a threesome with your cousin.

I'd just go for the annulment, and go from there.

C
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Now about your cousin. It's obvious they were having sex behind your back long before your husband got you drunk that night and your cousin came onto you.

See they were already a couple back them, and they decided to add you as the third to their bed. (see how this threesome stuff is nasty to relationships) At no time was it you and your faithful husband adding her, it was always her and her BF (your husband) adding you.

When you moved to CA your husband had to find a way to get her out there with him. Hence the story about inviting her out. You allowed your husband to pay for his lover to come visit so he could have sex with her.
Pay attention to this. This is exactly what happened. And he got you drunk that night to have an excuse to get you out of the way so that he could go off with your cousin.

Get an annulment.
 

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Sorry that you are facing such situation at such a young age and at the beginning of your marriage.

What Shaggy (and others) have said is perfect.Now either you have to suffer it for lifelong (Like me-not proud of it), or do as per point (2) in Shaggy's post.

Leave him yesterday, but first expose him.
 

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hey, I was hoping someone could help me. I have been married for 4 months now. My husband and I got married after 6 years of dating.

My husband and I are young (24) and have always been up for having three somes because we are younger and just live a little on the crazy side when we go out and party...BUT nothing to this extent.

About a year ago, something "extremely" crazy happened. one night me and him and my cousin go out and all have a bunch to drink, and she comes onto me. Much to my surprise because she is my family - she starts making out with me and trying to do other things. I found this strange, but my (then fiance) kept egging it on. I guess I was to drunk to handle the situation correctly and just kept going with it .. later to find out we all had a three some. I never brought it up to her again, I thought it was weird that she came onto me and just never wanted to talk to her about it. Time goes by and my fiance tries telling me that he really likes the fact that me and her hooked up a month before we are to wed and asked to do it again. I told him over and over again that I did not want to but he begged me and wouldnt stop asking for it. We got married and relocated to San Fran for a 6 month job contract for him. He continued to bring it up and said he just asked this ONE thing and promises to never bother me about it again... I told him I did not want to but if this is what he needed then fine, only one time.


He starts messaging her on FB - saying things like "come out here and be my babygirl" "ill take good care of you" .. and so she buys a ticket to come out there. I THEN see these messages after her ticket is bought and get very upset because him talking to her like that was not in the plans?? He said he was just trying to get her to come out there and I had nothing to worry about. He stopped talking to her like that and then she flew out here..

That night he decided to try and get me EXTREMELY drunk .. (although I can be an angry one if i dont like something) and he of course did it so he could hook up with us and have a three some but I ended up getting extremely upset over them being all over each other at a bar.. and I made a huge scene. They end up LEAVING TOGETHER.. and left me there .. I walked home (drunk) and did not hear from them for 2 days.. They got a hotel both nights and finally came home on day 2 after dropping her off at an airport and lied and told me nothing happened. He finally told me on Monday morning before he had to go to work that he ate her out and they had sex. and that he was sorry but he felt like it was best if I went home because he needed his space and was "upset" with me because of how I acted at the bar.

Heart broken. I go home -- i was extremely upset and did not know what else to do. Later to find out .. He flew her back out there and they had sex multiple times - the week after I got home. The only reason I found out was because my neighbors out in california were so nice to me and texted me and told me she was here..

When I found out, I blew up his phone and he ended up flying home that night. When he got home he didnt even feel sorry.. he was just saying "if you want to work this out we can try" .. but no remorse in any way. I asked him a million questions and he answered them like this : q: "how could you fly her back out there" a:"I wanted to know how it felt with another woman" he had told her he loved her while she was there -- i asked him "why" a: "It was just something to say at the time" q:"how could you do this" a:"you pushed me to do this" q:"how could you do this with my COUSIN?" a:"It didnt matter who it was"

He wouldn't talk to me about anything else and I continued to feel like I was being lied to still. he was there for one week and had to fly back to work and i stayed in georgia because i was still upset .. he told me he would never talk to her again -- and then ended up telling me he was still talking to her and wont stop until he knows if we are going to try or not..

I decided i want to try because we just got married and only if he would go to counseling - so i flew back out here and have been out here for 2 weeks. he put in his 2 weeks at work and so we are going back to GA. we have not gone to counseling yet because we are going back -- but i cant but help sit here and questions him to death and he wont answer anything and still hides his phone and says "trust him" .. I have no idea what to do .. He seriously is not a bad guy, though it seems like it .. I just honestly dont know where to go from here and any insight would be VERY APPRECIATED !!!
I have some news for you. You didn't have threesomes because you were younger. You had them because you have poor boundary issues.
Most younger people do not have threesomes. Really. They don't.
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Discussion Starter #17 (Edited)
It was more like we had been dating for 5 years and felt like spicing it up.. it hasnt always been like this. (sorry let me correct myself) we have only trying it a little over a year and had only been with another girl once before her.

i do get the feeling that it was happening before this, she would always be all over him and sit next to him on the couch .. but then i started to think maybe thats how she just is .. i just really dont know what to do now. Her friend messaged me being a b*tch saying that he was still talking to her, but that was after I had said some pretty rough stuff back .. so i have no idea of knowing if she is telling the truth.

i dont know, i just married him and thought we would be together for life -- through the good and bad, but this is really bad.. to bad for me to handle.

and yes, this is real and its my life lol. I have had an extremely hard past three years, and now this. seems unreal to me too.
 

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Just remember... If you start airing the dirty laundry, be prepared for it ALL to be aired. Including your participation in a threesome with your cousin.

I'd just go for the annulment, and go from there.

C
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Agreed, don't open that Pandora's Box.
 
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