[msander]

Hi there,

I have been married to my husband for just over two years. We have been together for four years. I have known about my husband's shoe fetish since early in our relationship. At first I was a little taken aback by it. I had never been with a person who had such a need for an object in order to be aroused. I did my best to indulge his fetish and would allow him to use my shoes if I wasn't around and wear shoes for him while we were having sex. However, I never really got the feeling that that was it. I soon found out he was also buying used trashed shoes online through ebay and he had a few female friends that would give him their shoes when they were beyond wear.

I confronted him about this. My issue is that I feel like he was going out of our marriage to obtain sexual gratification. He feels like it is not a big deal and doesn't not think that is cheating. I know he isn't sleeping with other women, but I feel like if he is getting sexual gratification from something outside of our marriage, after I was open to indulging him I feel betrayed. It seems more and more that he needs to have his fetish indulged in order for sex to work.

I'm not sure where to go from here. He now hides that he gets shoes from other sources, but we share a bank account so I can see when he orders something via ebay and I also find the shoes in his closet. I know he has conversations online with the women he buys these shoes from, they want to know "how he liked them" and he responds with praise.

I feel like I am second to his fetish. If we don't involve his fetish during sex he seems disconnected and uncomfortable. I want a man who can make love to me and is passonate about being with me, he is more comfortable making love to a pair of shoes than he is to making love to me. I have recently begun contemplating ending the marriage over this. I try talking to him about it, but he gets defensive or just says "well fine, I won't do it" and then I know he is just going behind my back to do it anyway.

Anyone else have a partner with a fetish that feels this way?

 

[roostr]

wow, thats definately wrong for him to go outside of the marraige for that, especially if you're willing to fullfil his desire. If there is sexual gratification involved with his fetish and he is seeking this gratification with others then its cheating in my book. There is nothing wrong with fetishes, if they are mixed in with sex and intimacy but in my opinion it seems some people with fetishes allow it to over take them and they become selfish by solely wanted the fetish satisfied. I think he needs help.

 

[mrsball]

my husband does a similar thing, satisfying his pedal pumping fetish watching women other than me... He doesn't see it as cheating either, as there us no other person physically involved. I agree with you, seeking sexual gratification from someone other than your parter is cheating. What do we do? I'm still trying to work it out...
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[Caribbean Man]

I want a man who can make love to me and is passonate about being with me, he is more comfortable making love to a pair of shoes than he is to making love to me.

^^^^^^^^^^
This right ther is the answer to your problem.
You catered to satisfying his sexual needs , even though it did nothing for you. But, he still betrayed you.
You discussed it with him, and he still does it behind your back, betrayal again.
Since his fetish does nothing for you, you may want to consider your options.
He is selfish.

 

[farside]

Its such a fine line. It goes along the lines of is pornography cheating? In the same way its seeking sexual gratification using materials from a third party. That said, this involves actual contact with and interaction with the third party and I think that is what crosses the line.

Regardless, if it hurts you than trust your instincts. It sounds like you have been very tolerant of this and he needs to respect your boundaries.

 

[roostr]

Its such a fine line. It goes along the lines of is pornography cheating? In the same way its seeking sexual gratification using materials from a third party. That said, this involves actual contact with and interaction with the third party and I think that is what crosses the line.

Regardless, if it hurts you than trust your instincts. It sounds like you have been very tolerant of this and he needs to respect your boundaries.

I dont see how watching porn is cheating at all, its just a way for people to get their rocks off, no emotional or physical connection whatsoever. No personal interaction

 

[wiigirl]

Its such a fine line. It goes along the lines of is pornography cheating? In the same way its seeking sexual gratification using materials from a third party. That said, this involves actual contact with and interaction with the third party and I think that is what crosses the line.

Regardless, if it hurts you than trust your instincts. It sounds like you have been very tolerant of this and he needs to respect your boundaries.

I 100% agree.....boundries...

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[40isthenew20]

Why can't he get into you wearing the same types of shoes hes jerking off on? I'm a foot/shoe guy and my wife's involvement is key. Just sniffing her shoes with her at work is only a tease.

 

[srotoys]

There is a site shoefetish bootfetish that discussion goes very deep into shoefetish behavior. Relationships are a two way street where everyone needs to win. Reading a site like this can provide important insights into fetish behavior. You can be kinky, but you must be fair. Buying used shoe on EBAY is one thing, getting used shoes from other woman makes me ask if someone isn't crossing the line even further???