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I have been married for 11 years. We have had our ups and downs,but always come through. Sex has always been a big issue in our marriage. We started our marriage by having children, and sex was not the first thing on my mind. He cheated on me numerous times during this period which just made me want to have sex less and less. Well we finally worked through that struggle and began to rebuild our relationship about 5 years ago. Since then we started having sex 1 time a day if not 2. This helped our relationship grow until a little over a year ago when out of the blue my husband tells me he doesn't think I enjoy sex with him. It was a shock to me I don't know where it came from or what caused it. I asked him about it to which he told me it was how I acted during sex. He started sending porn clips to show me what he wanted me to act like. I hated them! He would always ask me what I though of them and to compare him to them. I would never respond because when I did he would always say something about how I liked big penises and didn't like his. Through all this I have always told him that I am happy with him, he satisfies me , and I enjoy sex with him. He wont believe me. He always tells me that I don't feel that way. He will get so mad at me and start arguments for no reason about stuff from 12 years ago. One night a couple weeks ago (after dealing with this for a year) he started yelling at me. He told me I was worthless and was basically as bad as a homeless person begging. It hit me hard and in the middle of the agrument (that has lasted for 3hours with him yelling at me putting me down disrespecting my family) he asked me how I felt about his sex. I responded with well sometimes I want more . Yes I know it was mean but who doesn't want more with sex sometimes. He has even told me that he wants more out of sex. He thinks e everything has to do with his size. Since that argument I have told him numerous times that he makes me happy, and satisfies me. I try and show him with actions,but he tells me I am lieing. I don't know what to do. So I guess my questions are;
1) Ladies are you satisfied with your partner every time you have sex?
2) what can I do to show him I enjoy sex with him which I do?
3) how much arguments and being scared of how my husband is going to be feeling should I take? His mood changes by the min. I dont know if he is coming out of the bathroom happy or sad/mad?
 

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I have been married for 11 years. We have had our ups and downs,but always come through. Sex has always been a big issue in our marriage. We started our marriage by having children, and sex was not the first thing on my mind. He cheated on me numerous times during this period which just made me want to have sex less and less. Well we finally worked through that struggle and began to rebuild our relationship about 5 years ago. Since then we started having sex 1 time a day if not 2. This helped our relationship grow until a little over a year ago when out of the blue my husband tells me he doesn't think I enjoy sex with him. It was a shock to me I don't know where it came from or what caused it. I asked him about it to which he told me it was how I acted during sex. He started sending porn clips to show me what he wanted me to act like. I hated them! He would always ask me what I though of them and to compare him to them. I would never respond because when I did he would always say something about how I liked big penises and didn't like his. Through all this I have always told him that I am happy with him, he satisfies me , and I enjoy sex with him. He wont believe me. He always tells me that I don't feel that way. He will get so mad at me and start arguments for no reason about stuff from 12 years ago. One night a couple weeks ago (after dealing with this for a year) he started yelling at me. He told me I was worthless and was basically as bad as a homeless person begging. It hit me hard and in the middle of the agrument (that has lasted for 3hours with him yelling at me putting me down disrespecting my family) he asked me how I felt about his sex. I responded with well sometimes I want more . Yes I know it was mean but who doesn't want more with sex sometimes. He has even told me that he wants more out of sex. He thinks e everything has to do with his size. Since that argument I have told him numerous times that he makes me happy, and satisfies me. I try and show him with actions,but he tells me I am lieing. I don't know what to do. So I guess my questions are;
1) Ladies are you satisfied with your partner every time you have sex?
2) what can I do to show him I enjoy sex with him which I do?
3) how much arguments and being scared of how my husband is going to be feeling should I take? His mood changes by the min. I dont know if he is coming out of the bathroom happy or sad/mad?
Hey :)

I’m a male so cannot answer your qstn 1.

Wel, He is not enjoying sex for the reason (may be) he has started liking soneone else. Have an honest conv (if u hvnt) by asking if he has started taking interest in any other female. He’s mood swing may be due to stress or financial issues so try to dig whats in his mind rather than assuming things.

Dont forget, there are few men who cannot overcome their habbit of having extra marital affair even after you’ve forgiven him multiple times.


More on your reply :)


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Discussion Starter #3
Hey :)

I’m a male so cannot answer your qstn 1.

Wel, He is not enjoying sex for the reason (may be) he has started liking soneone else. Have an honest conv (if u hvnt) by asking if he has started taking interest in any other female. He’s mood swing may be due to stress or financial issues so try to dig whats in his mind rather than assuming things.

Dont forget, there are few men who cannot overcome their habbit of having extra marital affair even after you’ve forgiven him multiple times.


More on your reply :)


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He claims I am the one not enjoying sex. He is very open about what he likes what he doesn't like during sex, and I try to give him what he likes. He tells me I make him feel inadequate.
 

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Honestly, your husband is a bit delusional. REAL sex isn't a porn movie (although SOMETIMES it gets close! :)).
If he really thinks that real sex should look or act like porn, he needs to grow up.
Him screaming at you for three hours CERTAINLY isn't going to get him sex, NOR does it do anything to resolve issues.
Calm rational discussion can, but he's not doing that.
Sounds like he's been watching TOO much porn and comparing himself and coming up wanting. He's then projecting that on you.
 

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He claims I am the one not enjoying sex. He is very open about what he likes what he doesn't like during sex, and I try to give him what he likes. He tells me I make him feel inadequate.
What SPECIFICALLY does he complain how. How EXACTLY does he say you are making him feel like that.
Does he expect wild dirty talk and screaming at the top of your lungs?
Have you EVER acted like he says he wants? If not, why does he expect it to be different NOW?
 

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He claims I am the one not enjoying sex. He is very open about what he likes what he doesn't like during sex, and I try to give him what he likes. He tells me I make him feel inadequate.
Give him surprise sex invitation such as the moment he enter the house, push him to the shower and give him the wildest one you have neva done before. Try this out its worth it !


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He claims I am the one not enjoying sex. He is very open about what he likes what he doesn't like during sex, and I try to give him what he likes. He tells me I make him feel inadequate.
Give him surprise sex invitation such as the moment he enter the house, push him to the shower and give him the wildest one you have neva done before. Try this out its worth it !


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He claims I am the one not enjoying sex. He is very open about what he likes what he doesn't like during sex, and I try to give him what he likes. He tells me I make him feel inadequate.
Give him surprise sex invitation such as the moment he enter the house, push him to the shower and give him the wildest one you have neva done before. Try this out its worth it !


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Discussion Starter #10
Honestly I know what he tells me that I dont make him feel like he is making me feel good. He wants me to talk more. I have started saying things during sex and sometimes he likes it then other times he will tell me I'm lieing during sex. For example I will say something like " you feel so big" sometimes he will like it other times he will say your lieing.
No I have never been vocal during sex. I am a very private person and talking about sex was always hard for me. I have started being more open and still have a ways to go. Dirty talk honestly embarrasses me to say.
 

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What SPECIFICALLY does he complain how. How EXACTLY does he say you are making him feel like that.
Does he expect wild dirty talk and screaming at the top of your lungs?
Have you EVER acted like he says he wants? If not, why does he expect it to be different NOW?
Honestly I know what he tells me that I dont make him feel like he is making me feel good. He wants me to talk more. I have started saying things during sex and sometimes he likes it then other times he will tell me I'm lieing during sex. For example I will say something like " you feel so big" sometimes he will like it other times he will say your lieing.
No I have never been vocal during sex. I am a very private person and talking about sex was always hard for me. I have started being more open and still have a ways to go. Dirty talk honestly embarrasses me to say.
 

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Honestly I know what he tells me that I dont make him feel like he is making me feel good. He wants me to talk more. I have started saying things during sex and sometimes he likes it then other times he will tell me I'm lieing during sex. For example I will say something like " you feel so big" sometimes he will like it other times he will say your lieing.
No I have never been vocal during sex. I am a very private person and talking about sex was always hard for me. I have started being more open and still have a ways to go. Dirty talk honestly embarrasses me to say.
If he expect you to be expressive while having sex then do it that way. Start saying what you feel, genuinely. Give him blowjobs frequently and statements such as “i am not able to touch my nose to your abdomen coz it Cannot go deep into my throat”... he will like it...


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Honestly I know what he tells me that I dont make him feel like he is making me feel good. He wants me to talk more. I have started saying things during sex and sometimes he likes it then other times he will tell me I'm lieing during sex. For example I will say something like " you feel so big" sometimes he will like it other times he will say your lieing.
No I have never been vocal during sex. I am a very private person and talking about sex was always hard for me. I have started being more open and still have a ways to go. Dirty talk honestly embarrasses me to say.
If he expect you to be expressive while having sex then do it that way. Start saying what you feel, genuinely. Give him blowjobs frequently and statements such as “i am not able to touch my nose to your abdomen coz it Cannot go deep into my throat”... he will like it...


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Honestly I know what he tells me that I dont make him feel like he is making me feel good. He wants me to talk more. I have started saying things during sex and sometimes he likes it then other times he will tell me I'm lieing during sex. For example I will say something like " you feel so big" sometimes he will like it other times he will say your lieing.
No I have never been vocal during sex. I am a very private person and talking about sex was always hard for me. I have started being more open and still have a ways to go. Dirty talk honestly embarrasses me to say.
So, what you are doing is GREAT -- you are trying this stuff for him, trying to be more vocal. Not sure why he would be OK one time, but not the next?
BTW, you can google "dirty talk" if you want to get ideas to try, but again this should be because YOU want to, not because he is pressuring you.
Maybe stay AWAY from any reference to size since he is so uptight about that. LOTS of other things you can say though
 

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So, what you are doing is GREAT -- you are trying this stuff for him, trying to be more vocal. Not sure why he would be OK one time, but not the next?
BTW, you can google "dirty talk" if you want to get ideas to try, but again this should be because YOU want to, not because he is pressuring you.
Maybe stay AWAY from any reference to size since he is so uptight about that. LOTS of other things you can say though
I will Google it and see I never thought about that. Thank you.
 

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Whenever he says you're lying, or a negative comment, put him on ignore.

There are no laws that say you have to react or remark back to him when he says something that takes away from what you're doing or sexually talking.

Good job for branching out with the talking during sex. As a H, I can directly report it adds to the sexual encounter.
 

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I have been married for 11 years. We have had our ups and downs,but always come through. Sex has always been a big issue in our marriage. We started our marriage by having children, and sex was not the first thing on my mind. He cheated on me numerous times during this period which just made me want to have sex less and less. Well we finally worked through that struggle and began to rebuild our relationship about 5 years ago. Since then we started having sex 1 time a day if not 2. This helped our relationship grow until a little over a year ago when out of the blue my husband tells me he doesn't think I enjoy sex with him. It was a shock to me I don't know where it came from or what caused it. I asked him about it to which he told me it was how I acted during sex. He started sending porn clips to show me what he wanted me to act like. I hated them! He would always ask me what I though of them and to compare him to them. I would never respond because when I did he would always say something about how I liked big penises and didn't like his. Through all this I have always told him that I am happy with him, he satisfies me , and I enjoy sex with him. He wont believe me. He always tells me that I don't feel that way. He will get so mad at me and start arguments for no reason about stuff from 12 years ago. One night a couple weeks ago (after dealing with this for a year) he started yelling at me. He told me I was worthless and was basically as bad as a homeless person begging. It hit me hard and in the middle of the agrument (that has lasted for 3hours with him yelling at me putting me down disrespecting my family) he asked me how I felt about his sex. I responded with well sometimes I want more . Yes I know it was mean but who doesn't want more with sex sometimes. He has even told me that he wants more out of sex. He thinks e everything has to do with his size. Since that argument I have told him numerous times that he makes me happy, and satisfies me. I try and show him with actions,but he tells me I am lieing. I don't know what to do. So I guess my questions are;
1) Ladies are you satisfied with your partner every time you have sex?
2) what can I do to show him I enjoy sex with him which I do?
3) how much arguments and being scared of how my husband is going to be feeling should I take? His mood changes by the min. I dont know if he is coming out of the bathroom happy or sad/mad?
I do not know where to go with that.
It sounds like he has a lot of issues. Being unfaithful....it sounds like he has basically kind of warped his mind to some degree via porn watching. I'm going to go out on a limb and say if he had never cheated and didn't fill his mind up with images of porn and other women sexually and their sex acts he wouldn't be like this.
It is too late but I think taking back an adulterer is always bad news and to some degree you are now paying the price for keeping some lousy cheater around. If you choose to stay with a cheater be prepared to suffer for it.
Anyway, I digress. He has a lot going on in his head. I do not have a lot to advise or suggest. The only thing really is to just stay away from porn. Let those mental images and biases about how women are supposed to be and act fade away and let his sexuality only be expressed with you and let his mental imagery just be for you.
 

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he's a nutcase. at least when it comes to sex. personally i don't think any particular type of rational persuasion is going to resolve. he's already shown he's irrational about this.

he's going to have to come to grips with the fact that he's being a drama queen(king?). somebody he trusts is going to have to tell him. i don't know who, but it's going to have to be someone other than you. not that you're at fault, but he doesn't believe you for whatever reason.

most men would be thrilled that their wife is happy with the sex.
 

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Get an 8" toy as thick as your wrist enscribed with "Chad" if light in color or "Tyrone" if dark. Put it somewhere he can "discover" it. Maybe hit him in his insecurity to start a real discussion.

He has the problem and, while it affects you, he isn't your responsibility to fix.

He could probably use counseling but he probably won't seek it on his own initiative.

I would play a little rough with him to slap him into shape and you certainly don't deserve the treatment you have received from him.
 

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This is a tough one. Basically he is a prisoner of his own insecurity. Your post really makes me wonder how many guys are out here complaining about their sex lives, when the real problem is they can't get out of their own way. I am not sure how you convince him he is "good enough". Because you tell him to his face regularly it seems. Sounds like he just wants to make himself miserable. This won't work until he changes his perspective.
 
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