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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are young. I'm 23 and he is about to turn 23. We have been married over a year. We were each other's first sexual partners. I was his first girlfriend. While I had dated and even experimented in the past, I suffered from vaginismus which was not "cured" (after undergoing surgery and physical therapy) until my relationship with him. I really couldn't wait to be married to him. We were best friends and I trusted him.

He lacks in passion. For a while we had a "sexless" marriage even though we were eager before. We are starting to get more intimate, but I am left unsatisfied while he is not. I enjoy a man who can take control, but he is not like that. I've tried to tell him but the end result is the same.

Even though I am unsatisfied I still continue to go to him. I'm sure he thinks it's too much now, but I guess I won't stop until I am satisfied.

I had waited until marriage partially out of incident and I wish I hadn't. I wish that I could have explored more, which is weird because I was so sure of marrying him. I use to have this confidence about myself that I feel like I've lost since my marriage. This is the kind of confidence I need in my career but I just feel awkward.

We took the 5 love language quiz and I've noticed that he's perfectly satisfied in our marriage as a whole, while I am not. I've expressed this but to no avail. He's either busy or too tired or playing his computer games (which has always been an issue). I'm trying to balance my needs for him so he can still enjoy his life, but it is hard.

We've gotten so bad that I finally said I didn't know if I could continue like this because I wasn't being fulfilled physically, emotionally, and even felt a slight resentment because I had to put my career on hold for a while until we moved. He didn't like the sound of it and we have been okay since then, but still...

We are too young for this.
 

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Hi Believeinyou,

Couple of things--I think you should check out the "LD Husband Journal" thread. Sounds like some similarities here.

What was the cause of your sexless period in your marriage? How long did it last?

Do you have children yet? If not--DO NOT have children until this is resolved to your satisfaction.
 

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That's odd behavior on his part. As a young male he should be banging your brains out, or looking for every opportunity to do so.

Let me ask you....is he ashamed of his body? His penis size? Have you ever said anything hurtful or negative to him in the past that may be haunting him?

How is his health? Is he in shape or overweight? Does he watch porn? How many hours a day does he play on his computer compared to spending quality time with you?

Give us some more data.
 

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From the tone of your post, I think you could have left out the word "sexually" from the title. Is that a fair reading?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
We do not have children and definitely do not plan on it for a few years.

As for the cause of our sexless point? It was on his side. He just... didn't. His testosterone levels were checked and he's fine.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I've never said anything to him that would have hurt him. He would have definitely told me. He just goes on happily. He doesn't watch porn, nor is he overweight. He's fairly decent in all areas. He's comfortable with himself. I'm always trying to eat healthy and workout as I model and work in acting and music. He just laughs at me about it because he says he's fine with how he is. As far as the games..... a lot. I think he considers our quality time together as just being in the house together.

I know he loves me and is faithful. He's just... content.

I've thought about what it would be like if we separated, but I love him. I love his family and he loves me unconditionally. The things about me that have had past men run, he knows and handles well.
 

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Who typically initiates sex? Are you doing all the work to initiate or does he ever step up?

Are you able to O without him?

When you have sex, does he just roll over and stop? Have you asked him to try to help you out and he refuses, or do you not press the point?
 

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"I won't stop until I am satisfied."

This and............

"We are too young for this."

This!

Don't stop trying to make him understand and yes you are toooooo young. He needs to get his head out of his _______and be more intimate.

your marriage depends on it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I mostly initiate because if I left it up to him, we would probably have another 4-5 months of nothing. He only steps up when he is half asleep and then he barely gets to tease me before falling asleep on top of me. This has happened without fail.

I am able to O without him.

He does just roll over and stop. I've pressed the matter but it's like he dances around it. Not on purpose of course.
 

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He's being selfish. Whatever it is you're doing for him that makes him content in the marriage---stop doing it. Let him know it's directly a result of his selfishness. When he's ready to start holding up his end of the relationship, you can resume holding up your end. Make sure he knows the score--don't do it in a passive agressive manner.
 

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I guess I could have. I put the title first and then I just typed while thinking about all the info. Haha.
Then your problems are much larger than sexuality, and you won't fix the others by fixing the one, will you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
oh man. That's hard. Because then the house may fall apart. Haha. To tell you the truth I don't know what it is I'm doing or not doing that is making this happen. As far as him not reciprocating... he's really just... an idiot. But I know he feels bad about it.

We enjoy each other. We go on trips as we love to travel. Mostly small trips like Dallas to visit his aunt. Our plan is to move there when he finishes grad school. I'm like a completely different person whenever we are in a new city. We spent our anniversary in New Orleans (we are only 3 hours away). But we did nothing but watch tv and go sight seeing. My sis in law gave us her comped room at a casino resort in our hometown a few weeks ago... but watched Van Hellsing... Our honeymoon we went to Orlando and literally had no sexual encounters, though we had fun at Uni. Studios. Even our night of the wedding.... we watched The Mummy...

I guess I'm just blowing steam at this point.
 

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playing his computer games (which has always been an issue).
Been there. Done that. It is not good. The computer games have to go or be regulated. Is he married to the Xbox or you?

Further, at 23, does he have any sexual prowess? Probably not. This is something you acquire over time.

If it is not to much TMI for you, just what is he doing and not doing to satisfy you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Cletus

If we knew what our problems were then I guess we'd try haha. At this point though, I want to be treated like a wanted woman. Rather than the child I sometimes feel like. I swear I'm so awkward that it's like I'm going through puberty again. I thin it's starting to show in my performances.
 

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I mostly initiate because if I left it up to him, we would probably have another 4-5 months of nothing. He only steps up when he is half asleep and then he barely gets to tease me before falling asleep on top of me. This has happened without fail.

I am able to O without him.

He does just roll over and stop. I've pressed the matter but it's like he dances around it. Not on purpose of course.
Is there any porn watching on his part?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
The is barely foreplay. He's pretty bad at it, though I've never said so. I enjoy being physically shown that I'm wanted. If I showed him how, then that would also be a turn off for me. I guess I just like how men can have the "audacity". That's just a thing for me. He finishes before I am and then by that time he's too tired...
 

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Not that I am aware of and I am aware of a lot. His porn is his WOW playing. haha.
Great...another WOW friggin warrior. That crap needs to go. Does he play on teams? Chit chatting with any W who play this brain sucking game?

Look, I got sucked into these damn games. Ignored the wife. Did the do quickly so I could go play. Your H is doing the same if you ask me.
 

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The is barely foreplay. He's pretty bad at it, though I've never said so. I enjoy being physically shown that I'm wanted. If I showed him how, then that would also be a turn off for me. I guess I just like how men can have the "audacity". That's just a thing for me. He finishes before I am and then by that time he's too tired...
H needs to learn to satisfy you first. In due time his will happen. It's like this....men O and basically lose that super desire to go at it like Banshees. Nap time as it were. I know, I'm one of them. Soon as I'm done my drive is gone. Therefore, I assure that my W is satisfied to the fullest before I even think of having my O. As a result, my sexual prowess grows and intensifies. Wife receives her desired foreplay and O. At that time she is aroused to the point that is it no holds barred for me getting mine. Nothing short of incredible. (sorry if this seem a little to much TMI. No way around it really)

It seems to me you two at 23 have some learning to do in the sex making department. Once you H finds that spot it will be much different world for him than WOW.

Perhaps simply keping him from O before you is the trick. Once he O the party is over for you is over. Males are built that way. Done and run.
 
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