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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hello, I'm writing here because I need some objective opinion..should I accept the situation or somehow try to fight to save my marriage.



(Please excuse my English, it's my second language)



So this is my story



I'm 28, he is 36, we were together for 5 years (married for 3.5). The moment I met him I just knew he was the one..it felt like I knew him all my life and it was just love at first sight. Before him I was in a long relationship of 6 years and not in one moment I felt such strong emotions like with my (soon to be divorced) husband. He said he felt the same and that he never met someone who could understand him better. 
Everything was perfect except one thing..I was more introverted person and he was more like an extrovert. I had some trouble expressing my emotions in a way he expected it. He expected me to give him attention all the time and in a same way he did it. After 3 months of dating we had some serious talk about that issue because he thought that I'm not that into him. I assured him that I really like him and that I feel amazing with him and I would do anything for him, so I'll try to work on it. I also said that I'm sorry he can't see my emotions in the way that I look at him and worry about him and small gifts and gestures I do for him, but if it's not enough for him that I'll try to speak more with "his language".

Few days after he had some allergy problems and he mentioned that one time he almost choke because of swelling so he has to be careful with it. I said to him that we should be in contact every few hours just to make sure he's ok.
Long story short: He fell asleep and put his phone on silent..I couldn't reach out to him for hours and I was terrified and in tears. When he finally answered I couldn't stop crying and I was only able to say that I'm so happy to hear his voice and that he is well.


He was so in shock after that and he told me that now he can see how much he means to me and that he is sorry for thinking otherwise.


The next two years were just amazing.. I loved him more and more with every day and I was so thankful for having him in my life..he was so supportive and caring in every way, he gave me freedom to be who I am, he was my best friend and I managed to open up to him more and more everyday. Our sex life was also always amazing. We married and decided to move to other country together (because of our carriers). We decided that he would try to find job first because he was more experienced, and that I will follow him and then also find a job wherever we end up.

So he found a job and left and I stayed in our home country, I couldn't go with him right away because of some complications with visa so for the next 9 months we had a long distant relationship. 


Eventually I got my visa done and finally I moved in with him in our new home and we were ready to start our future together. I was so happy but my happiness didn't last long. Few days after we just moved in our new apartment he bursted in tears and said that he knows I'll hate him but he can't stand it anymore. 

He said he lost his feelings for me and he thinks because I was always introverted and closed person that he never really loved me the way he should.

I was in shock and felt like someone has ripped me in pieces. I just couldn't believe what he said. I knew it wasn't true because he showed me a million times he loved me.

We talked for the next few days and he decided he will give us another chance. I decided I'll be even more caring and open and that I'll do whatever just to make it work. 
For the next 5 months I really gave my best, I was everything he ever wanted me to be and I really though we are going somewhere..he was also caring and we had great time until 2 weeks ago when I noticed he is cold again. I asked him what's wrong and he started to cry again..he said he tried but he just can't love me anymore.

 And that was it...

Now we're forced to live together because I still don't have a job...he said that I'm so important to him that he would do whatever it takes to help me.
Whenever I mention moving out (as soon as I find a job) he is sad, he cries and says he is not well, he can't stand the fact that he is loosing his best friend and a person with so many qualities but he knows that (because of my introverted side) he would never be able to love me in a romantic way again.


I can't even try to describe how I feel..I just cry all the time and I just can't do anything:crying:... 

I should mention that he suffered from depression several times in life and he is really unstable sometimes. 

So what do you think.. should I accept it and try to move, or do you think there is some chance for him to fall back in love?




Thank you and sorry for the long post.

 

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Wow. I can definitely relate to your situation because I am the introvert and my husband is very extroverted and he gets so frustrated with my introverted ways too. You both have to get to a place of acceptance or else it will never work. You almost have to laugh at your differences instead of making it so serious. I encourage you to go on the internet and Google articles that talk about Relationships with introverts and extroverts. I found some good ones that helped me and my husband talk about our differences. Most extroverts have a hard time dealing with us introverts. But you have to figure out how you both can come half-way to help each other. It cannot be all his way and it cannot be all your way. You have to learn to express your feelings and he has to learn to give you your space. It all begins with communication. You would hate to throw away and entire relationship because you are different. If he REALLY can't deal with our introverted ways he needs to leave you alone and you need to let him go. Otherwise the frustration will grow because he is not really accepting you and in the end it will end ugly.

Again, start with printing some articles from the internet to get an understanding and then you both ask each other how can you make things easier going forward.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Wow. I can definitely relate to your situation because I am the introvert and my husband is very extroverted and he gets so frustrated with my introverted ways too. You both have to get to a place of acceptance or else it will never work. You almost have to laugh at your differences instead of making it so serious. I encourage you to go on the internet and Google articles that talk about Relationships with introverts and extroverts. I found some good ones that helped me and my husband talk about our differences. Most extroverts have a hard time dealing with us introverts. But you have to figure out how you both can come half-way to help each other. It cannot be all his way and it cannot be all your way. You have to learn to express your feelings and he has to learn to give you your space. It all begins with communication. You would hate to throw away and entire relationship because you are different. If he REALLY can't deal with our introverted ways he needs to leave you alone and you need to let him go. Otherwise the frustration will grow because he is not really accepting you and in the end it will end ugly.

Again, start with printing some articles from the internet to get an understanding and then you both ask each other how can you make things easier going forward.
It's good to know someone understand the situation :)

Our problem is that he never tried to tell me how much it bothers him. Instead he did a research about introverted people and tried to deal with it without telling me. What he was telling me is that he know how much I love him and that he is accepted me the way I am and that he loves me too.

When he finally told me how much it bothers him and that he can't deal with it, it was when he decided to leave me, it was too late and he was already out of love.
But what I noticed is that whenever he uses example of something I did that was a turn off for him it was something that was 2-3 years ago. Then I asked him to name the latest problem he had and he couldn't find one. I realised he made this decision more then a year ago and everything I did in that period of time (and improved in my behaviour) he just couldn't see it..or he didn't want to see. It was already over for him.

So he is done talking..his desidion is final, but I just can't accept it..there is just too much good material for one marriage to throw it away.
We are now living as roommates and I'm trying not to cry and look desperate in front of him and we agree very well. Few days ago I told him that I want to move on but it's just too hard because everyday I have a reminder of how well we are together, and how I love to live with him.
He said: "That's my biggest problem too, I'm aware how many good things we have and what I'm losing, but still the main problem is still here."

I'm disappointed because it looks to me that he is looking on this marriage just like a relationship and I feel he gave up too easily.
I'm confused because he is talking in the way that it's final desidion nut acts different. He still talks in a way of "we should", "Us" and act like nothing has changed except that we don't sleep together anymore. He still wants to spend time with me, to watch movies together..I'm his first call whatever new happens and so on. I'm not sure he is aware of what he is done and that he can clearly see that he's gonna lose me in that way too after I move out.

I feel guilt and I started to doubt myself.. am I really such complicated and "cold" person and will someone else have the same problem with me.

But overall I'm so sad because he's the love of my life, and I really think that he is my perfect match. I don't see how anyone could replace him with so many qualities.
 
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