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5 Posts
I can’t quite figure out what the problem is. I have been married for 2.5 yrs and dated for 3.5 yrs before that. Here’s a summary of our problems:
(1) I used to initiate sex often and he always claims he’s “not in the mood”. After a year of me explaining that sex for me is about feeling sexy and confident, he will 5% of the time force himself to go through it but vocalizes how he really doesn’t want to and sometimes can’t finish.
(2) About one year into our marriage, I decided I would win wife of the year by not initiating (since he doesn’t like that) but never saying no to sex. Whenever he approached me, I responded enthusiastically. After about three weeks of getting it whenever he wanted, he started complaining that sex was boring.
(3) In the first four years of our marriage, I would often try to surprise him with lingerie. He complained that my lingerie is not what he would have picked out and it’s the wrong time. (BTW my lingerie isn’t anything abnormal. From victoria’s secret or frederick’s of Hollywood.)
(4) I love to perform oral on him but he never seemed that into it. I kept trying. Recently he told me that he doesn’t really like the way it feels but he lets me do it because he knows that it turns me on. After 6 years!! But again his laying there like he would rather be somewhere else still feels like rejection.
(5) As if on a cycle, I get tired of the rejection and pull away from him showing no interest in sex. When this happens, he is suddenly all over me. It’s as if my disinterest turns him on.
(6) His rejection is not due to being tired because I get the same reaction when he has had a day off or when we are on a relaxing vacation.
(7) We have been ttc for the last 18 months. During that time we have had 2 losses. He told me early on that ttc was preventing his ability to perform because of the “pressure”. So, I stopped telling him when I was ovulating and made sure I was just as interested in sex throughout the month. He then started asking me when it was and when I answered his questions, he would be too tired or have some mysterious medical problems due to riding his bike. Mind you, these “medical problems” only lasted during the days I told him were key for ttc. After a few instances of that, I refused to answer him and he started to count days on his own and avoid sex. He tells me that he desperately wants kids.
I keep asking him why he isn’t turned on by me. He says he’s “just not that into it” and denies that anything is off. I guess I just don’t know what’s going on because he will have sex with me if I’m not in the mood but otherwise constantly rejects me. Also, I am 26 and in great shape. He is 32.
(1) I used to initiate sex often and he always claims he’s “not in the mood”. After a year of me explaining that sex for me is about feeling sexy and confident, he will 5% of the time force himself to go through it but vocalizes how he really doesn’t want to and sometimes can’t finish.
(2) About one year into our marriage, I decided I would win wife of the year by not initiating (since he doesn’t like that) but never saying no to sex. Whenever he approached me, I responded enthusiastically. After about three weeks of getting it whenever he wanted, he started complaining that sex was boring.
(3) In the first four years of our marriage, I would often try to surprise him with lingerie. He complained that my lingerie is not what he would have picked out and it’s the wrong time. (BTW my lingerie isn’t anything abnormal. From victoria’s secret or frederick’s of Hollywood.)
(4) I love to perform oral on him but he never seemed that into it. I kept trying. Recently he told me that he doesn’t really like the way it feels but he lets me do it because he knows that it turns me on. After 6 years!! But again his laying there like he would rather be somewhere else still feels like rejection.
(5) As if on a cycle, I get tired of the rejection and pull away from him showing no interest in sex. When this happens, he is suddenly all over me. It’s as if my disinterest turns him on.
(6) His rejection is not due to being tired because I get the same reaction when he has had a day off or when we are on a relaxing vacation.
(7) We have been ttc for the last 18 months. During that time we have had 2 losses. He told me early on that ttc was preventing his ability to perform because of the “pressure”. So, I stopped telling him when I was ovulating and made sure I was just as interested in sex throughout the month. He then started asking me when it was and when I answered his questions, he would be too tired or have some mysterious medical problems due to riding his bike. Mind you, these “medical problems” only lasted during the days I told him were key for ttc. After a few instances of that, I refused to answer him and he started to count days on his own and avoid sex. He tells me that he desperately wants kids.
I keep asking him why he isn’t turned on by me. He says he’s “just not that into it” and denies that anything is off. I guess I just don’t know what’s going on because he will have sex with me if I’m not in the mood but otherwise constantly rejects me. Also, I am 26 and in great shape. He is 32.
