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Found out my husband was cheating several days ago. I am angry, hurt, disappointed, sad. I also feel relieved the truth is out. The not knowing was killing me. He called to confirm it. He is very remorseful. He went to Ireland for work, he is self employed, and it all went wrong and he lost everything. He has been hiding his head in the sand. He has been drinking very heavily. He met her in a bar. She also drinks.

He is coming back to England in a week for work. He thinks our marriage is over becaus of his cheating. Besides a very brief call, I've had no chance to talk with him about it. He just seems unable to face it. I asked if I would see him and he said he's not sure.

My husband had a really dysfunctional childhood..mother was an alcoholic and the to kids were left to raise themselves and steal food when they could. He's never been in therapy. He has had a problem expressing his feelings and when I talked to him he couldn't even tell me how he felt about anything. He didn't sound like the same person.

I don't know whats going to happen but I want to see him and talk about what's happene, or maybe just do something together and talk when he's ready. Ive decided I want to reconcile and for both of us to heal. He needs to go into therapy and I am already working on myself. He just doesn't seem able to face it.
 

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Sounds like the very first thing you need to accept is that no matter how badly you want to reconcile you can't make him want to and if one of you doesn't want it there is no reconciliation. You can't let him off the hook for what he's done because he had a dysfunctional childhood or because he had a bad business deal, you must hold him accountable if you really want to reconcile vs. simply rug sweep. Reconciliation includes addressing the how and why so as to never hurt your spouse again, rug sweeping is simply sticking your head in the sand and hoping for the best - the later is apparently your H's natural reaction to difficulty.

If he's willing to be held accountable, and only if, then be on his side and help him get the help he needs. He left the marriage first, he has to come back before he should receive the benefit of a loving and supportive partner. Right?
 

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I have read that depression can be a factor in affairs. Not making excuses for him but if the marriage was good before maybe if the depression is dealt with it could be good again.

Good luck!
 

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Found out my husband was cheating several days ago. I am angry, hurt, disappointed, sad. I also feel relieved the truth is out. The not knowing was killing me. He called to confirm it. He is very remorseful. He went to Ireland for work, he is self employed, and it all went wrong and he lost everything. He has been hiding his head in the sand. He has been drinking very heavily. He met her in a bar. She also drinks.

He is coming back to England in a week for work. He thinks our marriage is over becaus of his cheating. Besides a very brief call, I've had no chance to talk with him about it. He just seems unable to face it. I asked if I would see him and he said he's not sure.

My husband had a really dysfunctional childhood..mother was an alcoholic and the to kids were left to raise themselves and steal food when they could. He's never been in therapy. He has had a problem expressing his feelings and when I talked to him he couldn't even tell me how he felt about anything. He didn't sound like the same person.

I don't know whats going to happen but I want to see him and talk about what's happene, or maybe just do something together and talk when he's ready. Ive decided I want to reconcile and for both of us to heal. He needs to go into therapy and I am already working on myself. He just doesn't seem able to face it.
He has to face it head on and take responsibility for what he did. He can't continue to bury his head in the sand, if he does it will more then likely happen again.
 
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