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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I have been married for over 2 years. When we got together we both appeared to have the same views, we both wanted kids, a house, pretty much all the normal desires. Anyways he also had seizures when we started dating. I didn't like seizures (which really who does) but I wasn't about to walk away from a great guy because I was scared of seizures or anything. He had no intention of doing anything to become seizure free, but I told him it'd be a good idea since he wasn't able to drive or anything and he was having up to 40 small seizures a week. I went through everything with him like tests for brain surgery and all of that. Anyways, before he had brain surgery we ended up getting married and 5 months later he had brain surgery and was in the hospital for 3 weeks. After he got out I took care of him but within weeks I started seeing a change in personality. I figured he was stressed or excited because he was seizure free and it was different. Well, it hasn't been a good change and it keeps going.

He used to talk to me, care about me, and treat me amazing... hence why I married him. He was the perfect guy and I was incredibly happy. Now, he works 72 hours a week, has bought 2 cars (which he bought without consulting me), and won't talk to me or listen. For 2 months straight I would cry every day because I felt helpless in my marriage. I told him even the smallest changes would be nice like asking how my day was, how work was, if I wanted to go on a date... anything. Nothing's changed, when I cry it does nothing and he doesn't even pay attention. I've tried everything I can think of trying to get through to him. Also, he used to like kids but not he wants nothing to do with them and he talks to everybody like they're not as good as him. Of course, I wouldn't bring kids into our marriage at it's current state but I still want kids someday. Has anybody been through this or have any advice? I feel stupid because I didn't think things would change for the worse after he became seizure free but I was wrong.

Sorry this is so long! Thank you for any advice. :)
 

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First - what kind of seizures did he have? Grand Mal (Clonic tonic), or petite mal (focal seizures)?

Second, what kind of brain surgery did he have?

Epilepsy has long been know to dramatically change personalities in people and animals...

I am sorry for what you are going through... I can't imagine how difficult this must be! :(
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I'm sorry, I didn't expect anybody to ask for that information but I should've included it.

For the most part, petite mal but the occasional grand mal.

They removed the dead tissue that was causing the seizures in the short term memory part of his brain.

Yes, the same ones he has always been on though. Lamictal.
 

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Did he have any tumors or anything else complicating the seizures?

Have you guys talked to his doctor about his personality changes?

Unfortunately, I don't think there is anything they can do, as personality changes pre-and-post op are not all that uncommon.

What does your husband think of all this? I assume you have tried to talk to him about it?
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
No, everything went good and there were no other problems.

Honestly, I haven't been to the doctor with him since his 6 month post-op appointment when he was okayed to drive. At that point there had been a little change, but he still showed some concern. Now it's down to nothing.

I've told him that he's changed and listed reasons like he doesn't care about me and all that, but he really doesn't respond it it. I don't think he likes to acknowledge that he may have changed.

I never knew him when he was single and without seizures, but I know he didn't date much and some of his friend's wives didn't care for him. I just don't know if this is how he used to be or if it's just me. We don't really hang out with his friends much because he's always at work, and it's like he doesn't see a difference in his personality because he won't acknowledge the change.
 

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Hmm... The best advice I can give you is to go with him to his next appointment and express your concerns to his doctor.

I'm assuming he had scar tissue in his brain (from?) the seizures that were exacerbating them? So much information depends on the types of meds he was given, the tests given, what kind of operation he had and what the initial cause of his seizures were.

How long has he been post-op? I've done a little poking around on the internet and it does seem that some people who have had personality changes after surgery go back to being "themselves" between 6 to 24 months after surgery.

If you have any more information to share I'd be glad to help you research it. :)
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Discussion Starter · #8 · (Edited)
The scar tissue was believed to be from when he was a baby and had a few seizures due to high fever. They came back again when he was 23 (he's 29 now) and in a car accident, but there wasn't any other damage. He had an EEG, intracranial EEG, MRI, PET, Wada test, Neuropsychological and Psychiatric evaluations to qualify him for brain surgery. Everything turned out normal. When they did the before and after for psychiatric they didn't see anything different.

It was a temporal lobectomy.

I guess I didn't think that it could still be from the actual surgery, it has been 20 months since the brain surgery.
 

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It could just be a classic case of the guy who changes after marriage, coupled with newly discovered ability to be independent with work and driving.

I changed after a brain injury...for the better for me, for the worse for my husband. I lost my ability for logic (oxygen deprivation) and so had to rely on feelings/intuition. This didn't go over well what with the cheating and lying and manipulation...all of the logical cover-up failed.

I guess if your husband has changed, and you're not really sure how he was before, if you really want to find out, you are going to have to start asking some difficult questions to these people you say who seemed not to like him. Just tell them you're trying to differentiate between the guy you thought you knew and married and the guy you're living with now, and that it makes a difference to you (if it does) if the changes are due to the brain surgery (which was your idea, but of course he complied) or to being duped into marriage by a nice-guy act.
 

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Interesting POV, Homemaker.

I have to admit, primary reason I was interested in this thread, (other than thinking I might have something useful to contribute), was that I had a dog with Idiopathic Epilepsy for quite a few years. I saw her personality radically change, sometimes moment to moment.

She had severe Clonic Tonic seizures... Even on barbituates, they usually occurred daily. Seizure activity in animals is very much the same mechanism (usually) in people. Anatomically, they "happen" the same way, with the same results.

She would go from outgoing, playful and bubbly to quiet - almost fearful and withdrawn. She never became aggressive, though I did see her through blind and deaf moments - even moments where I am sure she didn't recognize me or her environment.

I can't imagine going through this with a husband - and then finding out the "cure" may have also caused some personality changes. My sister's husband also has traumatic epilepsy, although this has been controlled with medications. (He was injured overseas serving in the Army). So, all of what I've learned about post-op epilepsy personality changes has been researched and not experienced first hand.

Homemaker I think you make an especially good point about OP's husband finding his newfound freedom! It hadn't even occurred to me that this might be happening.

Hang in there, OP. Talk with his doctor about it and see what can be done... ((HUGS))
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Unfortunately I had thought about the newfound freedom thing, but I was hoping he'd realize that I had been with him through the worse so he'd appreciate that. Regardless, I'm not going to give up on our marriage that easy since I didn't give up on him during the health issues. It's kind of sad for me though that I was trying to help him in making his life better by not having seizures, but that's what ended up hurting us.

I will just hope it could be one of those "everything will go back to normal," but remain semi in tune with reality knowing that could not be the case. I'm just hoping it wasn't a "nice guy act", but it very well could have been. From what I've heard, they didn't like him because he was a jerk but apparently that changed when we started dating. Thank you very much for your posts and time. :)
 
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