[Crushed79]

Married six yrs two beautiful kids......found text message scheduling to meet for sex with a mutual good friend and our sitter! Both went on the defense blamed me that I was crazy and it was an inside joke.....there was nothing funny about it! Friend has since vanished from my life....wonder why. Fast forward about a week ..... He was on his phone I took it (its always locked) so I had to take it while he was in it already.....told him if you have nothing to hide there is no reason you shouldn't let me look thru it for peace of mind two minutes into looking with him watching I was about to go into a chat app....he grabbed from me we literally struggled over it and I smashed it to the floor......psycho I know but I had my reason.....he yelled blah blah blah...left broken phone on kitchen counter....I removed his SD SIM card.......note to non computer savvy people.....YES deleted photos and texts CAN be recovered! And so I did a data recovery of his deleted info to my laptop.......expecting to find more texts......instead shock of a life time.....self taken pics of Multiple different woman giving him blow jobs and sticking it inside them one he was with two girls and one took a pic of him doing the other girl bent over the same couch girl one just sucked his penis on...kneeling non the less on his softball pants I'm sure he had asked me to make sure they were clean for his game! No condoms either! Just received my blood and urine to be tested for everything under the sun and thank GOD they are all negative! HIV needs a recheck in 6mo to be in the clear completely but first is negative.........I've lost 20ponds and finally after 5 weeks been able to eat solid food without puking....thank goodness soup and ensure was getting old!

I have NOT confronted him yet. Trying to be strong for my toddlers and get thru Christmas and my sons third bday this month also.....however he knows something up.
I was cleaning the kitchen floor when he came downstairs and whipped it out while I was picking up crumbs.....I just looked at him and snapped "if I do will you take a picture?" He said what why?
I just walked away that was 8am he went straight to the couch and layer there until 430pm........not a word. Then got up went upstairs and cleaned all three bedrooms...complete with moving furniture beds etc to vacuum......this is unheard of he never cleans anything! I guess guilt.....however my mothers first thought was...he's looking for something bc he has no idea how you know! Hmmmmmmmm
The dr gave me Zoloft and Xanax to calm down to get through until I confront him and I scheduled a therapist /psychologist for this week to help process and learn the best way to confront him to make it to my advantage.....I mean its not "are you cheating" it's I have all the freaking pictures you pig!!!!!!!!!

Anyone else have ideas to cope for the kids sake!?
Anyone ever find this kind of proof?
Help and suggestions welcome......five weeks of processing and I can't cry there's nothing left inside.....it's like I'm just comfortably numb......

 

[ihatefacebook]

I don't have the experience or expertise to offer any advice, but I do have a question: I realize you have two beautiful kids together, but why haven't you already started divorce proceedings??? I just can't imagine it being good for the kids that you look and feel this way. You, and they, would be much better off if you left him.

 

[PHTlump]

Anyone else have ideas to cope for the kids sake!?
Anyone ever find this kind of proof?
Help and suggestions welcome......five weeks of processing and I can't cry there's nothing left inside.....it's like I'm just comfortably numb......

You need to decide what you want. Do you want to divorce, or do you want to reconcile? I recommend you file for divorce. Even if you want to reconcile. Immediately forgiving him, or forgiving him after a minimal amount of work will only encourage him to cheat again in the future. If you file for divorce and keep the option of reconciling an unlikely possibility, he won't feel like he got away with it. You can usually end the divorce proceedings if he convinces you that he has repented.

Also, run the 180. It's to help you emotionally distance yourself so that you are better prepared to end the relationship.
The Healing Heart: The 180

Good luck.

 

[EleGirl]

Sorry to hear you are living through this horror.

Make sure you backup all the incriminating data ofsite, meaning someplace other than your computer.

If you know who those women are, send the photos to their husbands/SO's right after you confront him. do not tell him that you plan do to this.

 

[Pluto2]

You sure have enough to confront. I would not wait. Go see an attorney. You are not helping your children in your present state. Even extremely young children know when something is wrong, even if they can't understand what that is.
If you really care about the children, confront, tell H of course he can see the children on xmas, but he needs to leave. How do you know he is not having additional hookups? This is no way to live.

 

[mahike]

I know the holidays are coming up but you cannot sit on this type of info and wait it out.

I found pictures of my wife nude and a video of her taking a shower. It was heal to deal with. I am so sorry you are going through this crap.

Confront him know and expose this to the family. If any of these girls are known to you confront them and their whatevers they have.

The stuff going through your head is hard to erase. Did you get checked for STD's?

Stay tough for the kids but deal with it know

 

[Crushed79]

Yes all my tests came back clear today for all stds.....I am a stay at home mom and have no one to watch them until my mil returns from vacation this week then I will be contacting a lawyer. My issue is I cannot afford the house and bills on my own about 5k not including regular living expenses. All my family lives in fl I moved here to be with him....I have no help here so yes I need and will be seeing a lawyer I need to see if I can take my babies to fl or if I would get enough to stay here.

 

[Crushed79]

Ele girl ..... I did the sim a cd copy of the recovery as well as printed texts and a screen shot of his plenty of fish website as well are all safely in Florida with my mom should he find and destroy anything here

 

[Crushed79]

Oh I'm OUT there is no reconciling this crap it wasn't a one time thing he could possibly say he made a mistake.....it's multiple hook ups from hook up websites all nasty looking girls in their homes.....no way I'm done. I don't tolerate that......it's nauseating........just looking to see about others who had this happen I'm strong I'm done I'm out my mom just booked a flight to come up and care for the kids so I can find a good attorney and get things going

 

[momma2four]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I sent you a PM. I was wondering how you got info off his SD SIM card. Was it an iPhone?

 

[Almostrecovered]

SD card readers are cheap and easy to buy online

iphones don't have them

 

[Crushed79]

momma2four no it was an android...iphones do not have a sim card BUT you can recover his deleted info however you would need access to his phone as you would have to actually plug his phone to your computer using the usb cord that came with his phone, tricky but possible...search how to retrieve deleted pictures from iphone.....ehow.com has a really good tutorial and information on it...........
just prepare yourself for what may (or hopefully may not) be there.......I was just looking for text messages between him and our mutual good friend who I would never in a million years suspected!!!! what I found were the completely unexpected pictures....and they are pretty damn raunchy

 

[TCSRedhead]

Good for you for being tenacious and finding the information. I believe (but an attorney could quickly confirm) that you can boot him out and he has to pay the bills in the interim until your divorce is settled.

I know if I were to find that, I could not stomach looking at him every day.

 

[momma2four]

momma2four no it was an android...iphones do not have a sim card BUT you can recover his deleted info however you would need access to his phone as you would have to actually plug his phone to your computer using the usb cord that came with his phone, tricky but possible...search how to retrieve deleted pictures from iphone.....ehow.com has a really good tutorial and information on it...........
just prepare yourself for what may (or hopefully may not) be there.......I was just looking for text messages between him and our mutual good friend who I would never in a million years suspected!!!! what I found were the completely unexpected pictures....and they are pretty damn raunchy

Thanks for your reply. I have access to his iPhone (no password). He received a text message from his friend about a month ago with a pictures attached. He was out of town when he received the text w/pic. He deleted the text before he got home and I want to know if there is a way to recover that text w/picture. I am sure he has since sync'd his phone to his computer is it gone? I can't get on his computer at all, it's his work laptop.

 

[Crushed79]

tcsredhead.......I cant stomach him but fortunately the same job hours etc that allowed him to be out all day and at anygiven time of night with hundreds of unknown numbers to his business cell phone making what he was doing easy and unquestionable....also THANKFULLY keeps me from having to see much of him.....we only see him on sundays and the other 6 days hes out the door by 8-9am and not home until at least 10 11 midnight 3am whenever. if im not asleep I pretend to be!!!! I just need to find a GOOD lawyer and I don't know where to start, anyone know of any attorney website with the rating and credentials or something? I cant seem to find much

 

[TCSRedhead]

I really don't know - my divorce was a quickie since there was no one contesting it. Do you have any friends/family in the area that have gone through a recent divorce or had any legal help?

Sometimes, you can get a divorce attorney referral from a general attorney that you trust, too.

Ugh - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have to give you credit for not falling apart and keeping focused on what you need to do.

 

[momma2four]

I found this site. It might help.

Lawyer Referral Directory - ABA

 

[Crushed79]

momma2four.....im not sure =( IF you can get in his phone android has an app called sms tracker it shows up in the backround his phone as "health system" so it doesn't look suspicious....but again you need his phone to install the app then you can monitor from YOUR computer his texts emails pics web searches and even location if his gps in enabled......search keylogger as well if you can get onto his computer ......you buy it and it emails you a link to your email to download the program ....if you can get on his work laptop open your email and download the program to his computer.....its really for like tracking your kids activities etc but yeah works this way too.....you then set up an account on your computer which allows you to view what hes doing on his captures messages websites chats passwords etc..... you can either view it in real time or just pull reports for the day week whatever.....hope that helps.......A SCORNED WOMAN IS BETTER THAN THE FBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Crushed79]

tcsredhead thanks no sadly they own a business here for 60 years and everyone I mean everyone knows who they are im not sure who to trust to ask!!! my family is all in florida like an idiot in love I moved up here for him since his business was here......going to try and look a few cities away maybe even into NY only 20-30 min ride from where I am

 

[momma2four]

momma2four.....im not sure =( IF you can get in his phone android has an app called sms tracker it shows up in the backround his phone as "health system" so it doesn't look suspicious....but again you need his phone to install the app then you can monitor from YOUR computer his texts emails pics web searches and even location if his gps in enabled......search keylogger as well if you can get onto his computer ......you buy it and it emails you a link to your email to download the program ....if you can get on his work laptop open your email and download the program to his computer.....its really for like tracking your kids activities etc but yeah works this way too.....you then set up an account on your computer which allows you to view what hes doing on his captures messages websites chats passwords etc..... you can either view it in real time or just pull reports for the day week whatever.....hope that helps.......A SCORNED WOMAN IS BETTER THAN THE FBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thx again. I guess it's kinda past the point for me anyway. I was in a holding pattern in our divorce proceedings, but my husband has not done anything on my list (i.e. get IC and full financial disclosure). Just a gut feeling that things are still going on underground. I called my lawyer this morning to continue with the divorce and our court date is next week. Your strength has assured me I am doing the right thing. I wish I would have done this a year ago.