[alone in love]

I'm upset right now and don't know what to do. My husband is a spender. He has a good job, makes good money, but spends much more then he makes. When he maxes out a credit card, he opens up another one. He won't eat "bag lunches" but I eat Ramen noodles. I work one full time and 2 part time jobs. We each work about 12 hours/day. I can work my 2 part time jobs with my little girls with me, so I don't think he considers them jobs. We make good money. I have had issues with credit cards in the past, but I was honest with him about it. I spent alot of money because of his very high child support, and then because we were having marital issues and I was trying to make myself feel better. We BOTH had the same amount of debt, but we did a re-fi and paid off mine. We agreed to be more careful. But he started hiding money, and credit cards and we're drowing. I found another cc bill that was to the max. I need to confront him. Any advice on what to say? As I said, I'm not completely innocent when it comes to money - but I'm honest.

 

[turnera]

BTDT. Don't be nice about it. He's acting like a child so talking to him like an adult isn't going to work. Tell him you won't accept living like this and he can either get on board and hand over control of the money, or you two can work on separating. Because you won't CARRY him for the rest of his life and keep paying off his debt. Sorry, but you can't just be nice about this.

 

[turnera]

Make it a boundary, not a threat. That means you state what you're willing to live with (no hiding cards) and, if he breaks that boundary, his consequence will be moving out. Then, it is HIS choice whether to go along; if he doesn't want to go along, he is choosing to move out.

 

[bribrius]

Ask him how far you both are in, and if you need to consult a bankruptcy attorney.

 

[rj700]

You might also give some serious consideration to separating your finances and changing what assets are in whose name. CC debt is like quicksand, looks relatively harmless at first, but you already know how it can suck you in. If he is unwilling to make a real effort to control this, you need to take steps to protect yourself financially.

 

[I'mInLoveWithMyHubby]

I see this as an addiction. I have many family members who have spending addiction/problem. It's a very big issue and should be treated as such. My ex h was a big spender as well. He spent 10x's more then what I made. I was paying for the rent, utilities and groceries. His debt was unbelievably high when I left(more then my current mortgage bill). I made sure through my lawyer I wasn't responsible for any of it.

My ex got to a point where he was hiding the spending and the "goods". He'd spend 5,000 in one purchase. He never did quit. In fact he and his wife have filed bankruptcy 3 times in the last 10 years or so. None of my family members quit either.

I thank God that I did not marry a spender. Both my husband and I are savers. We are very frugal.

I wish I could help and have answers, but the person who has this addiction must realize they have a problem. I don't see this any different then a gambling, alcohol, or drug addiction. There needs to be a help center for those who have spending issues.

 

[Navy3]

my husband ran up huge credit card debts. he's done it more than once. each time the amounts are getting higher. the last lot of debt was over £50k,including cards i never knew he had,a secret overdraft on our joint account plus a £15k loan!!!!!!

i feel my husband has been stealing from me. sorting all this out means my life is effected,not much £ around,credit rating is shot,no holidays,don't get out much etc etc. trust is shattered.

i'm still not sure where all my husbands debt was - it was on cards,loans etc but i have a niggle that he has been gambling but i'm not sure. i/we haven't got the material goods to account for the level of debt.

read up on financial abuse/infidelity. it is considered a form of domestic violence- shocking. one point opening your own bank account with your own money is vital. it takes courage,hug x

 

[CaliRN]

Cares more about spending than the well being of the family, needs to read the responsibilities of a husband
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[aahnaagrwal]

Actually to make your husband to be less spending money then you have to first spend more money compare to him.Then he will realize about the value of money.So to realize him about this do tit for tat.


_________
love Problems

 

[ShawnD]

Obvious question: mental illness?

Most common causes of mania:
-bipolar disorder
-dopamine stimulant drugs (amphetamine, cocaine, methylphenidate)
-MAOI drugs (for depression/OCD/PTSD/parkinsons)

 

[Mr.D.E.B.T.]

You will never be able to fully control the actions of another person, but you can try to get a better understanding of his actions. Also, make sure you talk with him and not to him. Making this a we situation often helps.

 

[Kelgirl]

WOW... one of the post hit the nail on the head.. SPENDING ADDICTION. That's my husband... he definitely has a spending addiction. Money burns his pocket. Our house almost went into foreclosure.

I had to take over paying the bills.. he was in charge of the mortgage. He now gets an allowance.. I don't think that sets well with him but that's the way it has to be for now. House is still in jeopardy of foreclosure but I don't stress about it anymore.

If your husband has a spending addiction.. there is not very much you can do about it. You can suggest taking over paying the bills..good luck. Its hard living with a someone that has a spending addiction.

KG