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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay...I'm furious and need someone to help talk me through this! I'm a College Teacher. My husband (a Navy Chaplain (yes, a minister) told me he wanted to get a gun (because his coworker got one) right after the Colorado Theater massacre six months ago. I said...no...I don't like guns and I don't want one in the house. We have a 4 year old son and have heard of too many accidents with guns. My husbands very own cousin shot himself in the chest last Friday and the funeral is today. (IRONIC THAT I FIND OUT TODAY my husband has had a gun this whole time!) All those months ago, I said, if you get one..please keep it at your mom's house or wherever else..not here. So, all these months he's pretended he does not have a gun and today I find out that he has had one the whole time and has kept it in his office at work. Now, I just found out (through his Amazon acct) that he's had a gun for months and kept it at his work. He's been lying to me this whole time....and pretending he does not have a gun...but that he might someday want one.

Would not be so hard if this was the first lie in our marriage but there have been so many others. Lies about Porn use, lies about where he was going on his business trips...I really don't think he can be married. He wants to be FREE to do what he wants whenever he wants to do it! He has a total double standard. I just don't trust him anymore.

Now I'm wondering how many times he's been to shooting ranges and practicing with this gun and not telling me about it. Why does it feel like this gun is another woman?

The WEIRD thing is that when we first met he told me he was against guns and could never be a hunter and would never want a gun in the house. Why the sudden change? I don't get it?

What do you think? HELP! (Sorry for rambling but I'm just so angry!)
 

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Because MEN like guns!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, HA, HA , HA , HA!

But lying, thats not good, there is somthing wrong in the dynamic of your relationship(it may not just be him) and he has a lack of character especially for a chaplain (that is just him).

You two need to come to grips with who you are!
 
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I understand your anger. It has a lot more to do with just owning a gun. My husband is a retired Army officer. Guns were always in our home. However, we both knew how to use, and respect, firearms. When hubs went off the deep end after his last deployment, I removed all guns from our house.

Just because your husband is a minister doesn't mean he won't lie or be free from viewing porn, among any number of other vices. He's a human being first, and a minister second. But ongoing lies about a multitude of issues? Uh, this isn't the type of chaplain I would have felt comfortable talking with.

There are bad cops, bad doctors, and bad ministers, even though we wish people in these professions who pursue the higher ground when it comes to morals and ethics.

I think the gun is just the icing on the cake. Was your husband deployed to the Mideast prior to purchasing a gun? Any chance he has PTSD? Have you noticed other changes in his character?
 

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Where's the lie? You told him if he were to get one that you wanted him to keep it someplace other than your home. It's at his office. Do you screen all your purchases through him? He's a law-abiding adult. It's his right to own a weapon. Some would argue it's his duty. I would certainly hope he's been to the shooting range. Owning a weapon one wasn't trained with would be idiotic. A wife's disapproval isn't a husband's marching order.
 

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You really should not be surprised at his lying and lustful desires. I have yet to find a man or women who has not told a lie or had lustful desires, so that means he is just like the rest of us flawed creatures. As for guns, I know a great many people who own guns. I have owned them since I was 13 years old, though you would never no it if you visited my home. More people get hurt and killed with cars every day and yet you continue to operate one every day.

If he is a Navy Chaplain and he is keeping a personal firearm at work, that is a problem, not having one in his home. You have to understand there is nothing wrong, legally or socially with his behavior, this is more about your phobia. Still if this is a die on the sword issue for you then so be it, do what you feel compelled to do, but don't project it as something he has done wrong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
The LIE is a LIE! The Lie is that he's been pretending (and stating clearly) that he does not have a gun this whole time! The other day we passed by a gun show and I said:

"Why don't you go look for a gun there." He said..."I thought about that." What he should have said was...."I already bought one."

A few weeks ago at our 4 year old's birthday party I said in front of my dad: "Honey...I think my dad would let you keep a gun at his house if you buy one." Trying to be a supportive wife since he wanted one so badly.

He said, "that's a good idea--I'll consider that when I buy one." when he should have said, "I already bought one and it's in my office....it has been there for 7 months now."

You see....a lie of omission and pretending IS STILL A LIE!

Like when he told me he had to go on a business trip for 7 days but I find out later it was only 5 days...where was he the last 2 days???

Like when he told me he was no longer looking at porn in our house (and he had told the counselor he was not doing it anymore as well) because he can't perform in bed when he's addicted to porn... and then I find it all over his computer and he's actually doing it in the car! (Well, I guess the car is not in the house so he's not lying in your book?) YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

A LIE IS A LIE IS A LIE!

In my book he's replaced the gun for porn and like the previous military wife stated...this is about control and something deeper. He does have PTSD, he's on anti-depressants, his father died a horrible death of Pancreatic cancer...all just before he bought the gun. If he can't self-medicate with porn anymore he can self medicate with the thrill of having a secret gun and firing it in secret.

I feel sorry for him and for my son. Did you know if he had been honest on his gun application that he has a history of depression and he's on anti-depressants they would not have sold him the gun?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
HE HAS DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLY WRONG:

1. LIED TO HIS WIFE WHO WAS JUST BEGINNING TO TRUST HIM!

2. KEPT A FIREARM (ILLEGALLY) at a military installation...AGAINST THE LAW!

3. LIED ON A FIREARM PERMIT when he has a serious history of PTSD and DEPRESSION...and is on Anti-Depressents.
 

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All those months ago, I said, if you get one..please keep it at your mom's house or wherever else..not here. So, all these months he's pretended he does not have a gun and today I find out that he has had one the whole time and has kept it in his office at work...He's been lying to me this whole time....and pretending he does not have a gun...but that he might someday want one.
Note: emphasis MINE

I really DON'T get the anger about the gun. You told him "if" he got one (acknowledging that he MIGHT) he needed to keep it somewhere else. He got one; he kept it somewhere else.

He DID lie by omission, but considering the big deal you're making out of an action that you ACKNOWLEDGED he might do AND were apparently begrudgingly accepting of (IF you buy it, put it somewhere else), I can see WHY.

Have you and H been to marriage counseling? I think it would do you BOTH a world of good to learn how to communicate HONESTLY (on his part) and without judgement (on YOUR part).
 

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WTF a gun has never killed anybody, just bad people or careless people with a gun. Here's a idea if someone breaks into your house you might want that gun to keep him from raping you and killing your child, or maybe you can ask the nice criminal to just leave. gimme a break I have never lived in a house that didn't have firearms but we were taught to respect them. My son knew from the time he could walk not to play with certain things. I know I know those evil guns go around killing people well I wonder how many people get killed in car accidents everyday of how many people you could kill with a car on purpose, maybe we should just outlaw cars. People fear what they don't understand. You don't want to own a gun thats fine more for me. I personally could not lay down and sleep at night knowing I had no way of protecting my family.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Unbelievable, VFW, Homebuilder, and Slowly Getting Wiser: You four don't seem to understand that my husband is not the kind of man who should have a gun. HE's not normal emotionally like you! He can't control his anger, he has severe depression, etc... He's been in war zones, seen too much death, too many suicides, pulled too many dead bodies from the water, etc...diagnosed with PTSD.I have good reason not to want a gun in ths house. I'm afraid for my life and the life of my child and that my husband MIGHT want to commit suicide and kill us too! (These are the images that came to my head when he first told me he wanted to buy one.) Would you let a spouse like that bring a gun into your house? I THINK NOT!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
At least if it was at my dad's house or at another location, he would have to go through someone else before he gets it if he plans to hurt himself or us! (Think about the position I'm in?) Trying to be supportive of my husband's desire to be like all other guys, but trying to protect him and my family because I know his DARK SIDE.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Good for you! But I'm not you...and I can choose not to have a gun in my house. Judge me all you want! It's our lives (and the life of my 4 year old) are more important and precious than a man's need for a gun. We have plenty of protection in our house. We have a Tazer gun, knives (many knives), bats, alarm system, Personal Alarms, Mace...I don't need anything else.

All of you men are acting like a wife has no say...but I do...women do have rights. A man and wife have to agree about having a firearm in a house. It can't be a one sided decision. Mutual respect, compromise. The way I compromised was to say..keep it somewhere else and enjoy shooting with the boys. I did not say, "keep is somewhere else and LIE ABOUT IT!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Why don't I get the gun and keep it? I DO NOT WANT A GUN IN THE HOUSE! My grandfather accidentally shot is brother. My neighbor's 10 year old son accidentally shot a friend (playing with the gun while parent's were at work)....I'm sorry....I don't trust my husband with a gun and I don't trust my son won't find it one day and have an accident.
 

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This is part of the problem with this media, the way information is conveyed. You are obviously stressed and if you look at your initial post, which is what we responded to, has been drastically modified with your last two posts. You have upped the ante on both. For example the original post is just a man buying a gun to a guy who has anger management issues and is manic owning a gun. The original post had a guy looking at dirty pictures to someone exposing themselves in public. I am not criticizing you here, but you can see my point.

I think you need to take a deep breath and ask yourself seriously if you fear for your or your family's safety. If you do then you need to report this. Make sure this is not a reaction to your hatred of guns. If this is just a irreconcilable difference than you may be better off terminating the relationship. Best of luck to you and your family.
 

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Ever had anybody in your family killed in a car wreck? Nobody said women didn't have rights. If the criminal breaks into your house with a gun none of those things will be worth a crap. Burglar alarms are to slow you'd be dead before the cops got there. I own guns and if my wife said I couldn't I wouldn't have a wife. You should take a self defense class and a gun class. Most of the time accidents with guns happen because of lack on knowledge and being careful. I"ve owned guns all my life and lived with guns all my life and I've never had an accident because it was beat in my head to be careful
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
I did not reveal the nitty gritty in the first post because it's embarrassing for me to talk about my husband's dark side and would not have even brought it up if the other military wife had not asked the question about PTSD. All issues like this are a combination of many factors and it's multi-sided and multi-dimensional. That's okay...just like you guys all assumed he's a normal guy without issues. The opposite is true he has an addictive personality and problems with depression. I am a MAMA BEAR PROTECTING HER FAMILY and will do whatever it takes to protect them! If it means that my husband chooses a gun over us (his wife and child) then I will divorce him. If I have to have a gun in the house to be married to him..then I don't want to be married to him anymore. (SIMPLE!)
 

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I live in Australia so our gun laws are much stricter, don't know what I would do in the U.S. myself, when everyone can be legally armed. So much for using fists when everyone can just pull out a gun. Still...

He did NOT have the gun in your house, and you can't really say tell men off when it comes to our hobbies. But, you mentioned other lies, porn, his business trips; he must have a reason for all of this.

Personally it looks like you've convinced him that he can't be transparent with you, considering your temper now - if he gets a gun, he gets yelled at, if he looks at porn, he gets yelled at, and when it comes to his business trips -> there must be a reason why he doesn't want to tell you so he doesn't get yelled at.

But that's just my opinion
 

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Oh the irony. In my area the Evangelicals carry a Bible in one hand and a gun in the other hand. What would Jesus do? We are throughly missing something here.:rolleyes:
 
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