[dilhrchick]

***Especially interested in a male point of view, especially if you're a gamer....***** I'm recently married, a little over a month ago, to a man 14 years younger than me. After the marriage, it became apparent that he's addicted to WOW. He plays every night until 3 or 4 am sometimes. I've asked him to not play so much, but it just causes arguments. He has told me numerous times that he will stop, decrease his playing time etc but it never happens. I've even found an inappropriate conversation through Skype, which is what he uses during his game. Now when I wake up at 3am and find him playing I actually have a small panic attack and cant go back to sleep. I've told him how much this bothers me but he still doesn't change his behavior. I can see from his browsing history that he's also looking at porn during the night, which isn't really a problem except that we are hardly having sex at all. He never gave me the time to get past the original inappropriate conversation he had (which he vehemently denies was him.....it was magic apparently). So now every time he plays I wonder who he's talking to and what he's talking about. Help..........I don't know what to do...........

 

[dilhrchick]

Re: Husband addicted to gaming....

I've also found a FB message to his ex-wife asking for sex, which he also denies and says he didn't send. Magic again? I have the passwords to all of his stuff, which he readily gave me. But I can't get past it if 1. he won't admit it and 2. he doesn't change his behavior to give me time to trust him again. Last night I was online playing pool and a female friend of his on Skype sent him a message saying she was horny for him again. I responded and told her to watch what the f she is saying to my husband. It got ugly from there, with her being completely inappropriate and disrespectful. I ended up deleting her and blocking her. He actually got mad and said I shouldn't be talking to his friends, and he warned me how she is. He said I should just log out of his Skype account when I'm on the computer. He has since apologized for HER behavior but said he tried to warn me. I feel like he thinks it's ok for his friends to disrespect me because that's just how she is. That's so hurtful.....

 

[dilhrchick]

Re: Husband addicted to gaming....

In his browsing history I've also found a website MULTIPLE TIMES looking to hook up with LOCAL women in our area. Our area is clearly listed, but I can't find an actual page with his profile. That's not a coincidence. At first I thought maybe it was a pop up page from a porn site, but the same page multiple times, listing he's a male and our city? Too much to be a coincidence........

 

[Acoa]

Sounds like he is using wow to escape from dealing with life. I've been there, it can really get its your claws into you.

The Skype stuff with the female friend you mentioned is totally inappropriate. The porn sounds like a problem too. Porn is fine if you both use it together to enhance your sex, but it sounds like he is using it to avoid sex, this is NO GOOD.

Write him a letter, tell him how his habits make you feel. Make only 1 demand, that you start going to marriage counseling together. Don't pester him on anything else. Counseling sessions will force the communication, and therapists are good at getting the emotionally distant to open up.

If he refuses counseling 180 him. Porn, inappropriate contact with other women and neglecting you for a game are enough. Don't give him a chance to get physical with his ex. Nip this in the bud now.

 

[dilhrchick]

He has clearly admitted to using the game and weed as an escape for the problems in his life right now. But no matter how much I tell him that's what I'm here for, he refuses to talk. He says he never has and never will. I've asked him to go to counseling and he refuses at first, but then says ok. That has yet to be seen as we have no insurance and have to find a cheap counselor.

 

[Acoa]

Find an Alanon meeting near you. He may not be an alcoholic, but the same principles apply to any addiction. You may find it beneficial.

 

[dilhrchick]

Thank you, I'll definitely look into that option.

 

[Hope1964]

Any way you can get a keylogger on his computer? That would dispel the 'magic' excuse once and for all.

You need to draw your line in the sand. Tell him he either stops this behaviour, or.............whatever you are willing to follow through on. And you MUST follow through. Otherwise his behaviour will not change.

 

[justonelife]

Why did you marry this man? It sounds like you didn't know anything about him before you married him.

I've been married to a gamer who cheated. I yelled and screamed and cried and gave ultimatums. Eventually I divorced him. All you can do is decide what you are willing to put up with and what you are not willing to put up with. Then follow through.

He has shown you what he is capable of a month into the marriage. He should be head over heels in love right now and giving you anything you want. If it is this bad now, it's unlikely to get any better.

I'm sorry to be so negative and I'll admit that I am biased to this issue, but this early in the marriage, this is a VERY bad sign. He has no respect for you.

 

[Toshiba2020]

Sounds like he has a lot of addictions and isnt ready for a real life or a grown up relationship. youre getting into some heavy topics I recommend therapy from this point. Also, if you plan to keep an eye on him i recommend not going crazy and bringing everything up you find otherwise he will start to pull away and hide his tracks.

I speak from first hand experience, my wife became obsessed with tracking every thing i did on the computer. in response i hide everything i do, even simple things like looking at the weather or checking my email i do in a private browser and have changed all passwords and they get changed on a regular basis. She broke that level of trust we had and she has yet to regain it...you dont want to go down that path, it just makes communication that much harder.

 

[Maricha75]

My husband and I quit WoW a few months ago. I liked the game, I liked the friends I made there. He did too. What didn't we like?

1. Addictive. We were on that damn game from the moment we woke up until we went to bed every night. Yes, we still took care of the necessary things around the house, and we spent time with the kids. But the game was logged on all that time. And we raided nearly every night.

2. Some of the TYPES of people we met... we drifted further away from each other. We both got involved in emotional affairs with people we met on that game.

We figured out, before it was too late, that WoW wasn't worth it. Our marriage is worth more than $15/month to stare at a bunch of pixels.

Ask your husband what it is about WoW that has him hooked. And, ask if he would be willing to look for an alternative to playing it...something that doesn't have so much contact with other people. And, unless he has kids with his ex, that woman needs to go, like, NOW! And, even if they DO have kids, their conversations should be limited to child related conversations ONLY.

I agree with justonelife. He doesn't respect you. So, the question you have to ask yourself is how much more of this are you going to put up with?

 

[ohlife]

Without knowing the good stuff about your relationship, it sounds like he doesn't love you at all and is too scared or lazy to tell you. It sounds like he is a little boy who wants a maid while he has hot skype affairs. That isn't healthy. Definitely go to counselling. If he won't, the only thing you can do to help him (not to mention yourself) is to leave.

Honestly, if someone sent my husband a skype message saying they were horny for him again, I'd leave. It means they haven't got the decency to conclude your relationship before pursuing another, and that means they don't have a character worthy of respect.

 

[Bottled Up]

Your husband is not making you his top priority... In fact it sounds like he's making you his dead last priority. Yes he's addicted and yes he's cheating on you. You already know this... The evidence he's left all over the place for you to discover easily implicates him for the kind of man he is. How long will you stand there and take it? Long enough for him to give you a STD?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Stonewall]

The gaming is the least of your problems here. You need to address the ***** dog side of this equation first. Put your foot down and tell him you will not put up with this s**t and you will dump him like hot potato if this doesnt stop immediately. And you need to mean it and follow through.

This guy has no respect for you or the relationship.

 

[kipani]

My boyfriend also met a girl on wow and had an Emotional Affair with her. I gave him the ultimatum to block her or I was leaving. After that I thought for sure I was safe again whole month of no contact!!! Now I am paranoid because I think I saw him talking to her just the other day on there but he closed the window when I came closer. I tried to log onto his account to see if she was on his list again and off block but now he has an authenticator on it..

 

[CorkonAFork]

Gamer here.

Not Wow, but the more, um, 'more cerebral' EVE online. Likely just as time-consuming as wow, as it is a SLOW game and takes hours for a group to form a fleet and shoot internet spaceships.

Can't say I ever used to play til three in the morning, but yes, there were times I did play several hours at a time, and wouldn't tolerate interruptions. My wife hated it with as much passion as I liked it. Sound familiar?

Of course, I did the majority, if not all, regular housework. I also work full time (she does too), I pay all the bills, and pay the mortgage. We have no kids.

My wife primarily reads or watches tv, plunks herself down on the couch, and eats. And leaves the dishes piled up around the couch. I neither enjoy reading or watching tv, so I was happy to do my 'own thing' while she was doing this.

This went on for a very long time. She complained, and eventually gave ultimatums for me quitting Eve. So I did. For a year (we were in counseling the entire time btw). I went from being a hardcore gamer to joining a local woodsball (paintball) team. I went from sitting at my desk all weekend to putting on 50lbs of tactical gear and running around the woods for approx ONE FULL WEEKEND DAY EVERY WEEK (vs her claim I spent 60+ hours a week gaming previously). I put on quite a bit of lean muscle, got a lot of sun, and made 'real' friends!

Interestingly, I also got new ultimatums. I was doing paintball too much with my new friends. She wanted me to curb it. So I compromised, and I went down to going out twice a month with the team. Not a month passed when suddenly I have a new ultimatum that I was spending too much on paintball now.

Talking about this with the counselor enlightened me to something called co-dependence. I came to realize that no matter what I liked, my spouse will hate.

So, where am I now? We're doing an in-house separation now (I'm sure not leaving since I pay for everything). I've come to terms with how unhappy I am in my marriage. I hope we can remain friends, but I am almost certain D is the only solution now (even the counselors say so)

So, did I get back into gaming? After separating, yes, I actually do play a bit of eve online for a few hours here and there. Not as much as I used to. Still enjoying the paintball and all my new friends also. Found out a lot about myself. Found there's a lot to be happy about. Also know I will be happy after D.

I hope this post was not all that you expected. But perhaps it will put a light on that not all gamers are bad people.
I'd advise not to bother with ultimatums TBH. Just leave. You'll be happier. He probably will too.

 

[Murphy93]

it sounds like he doesn't love you at all

 

[Benevolence]

First of all to better understand WOW addiction, look up WOW addiction on youtube... some of those people become ENRAGED if they are interrupted whilst playing their game.

I game a bit daily but its just something to pass the time. The people I play with are all respectful and genuinely decent, that being said, I have seen the ugly side of gaming.

I have seen some people say things that are inappropriate for any game that children could easily access, they are obviously looking for cyber sex. Their public chat is way out of line, these people need to be censored, both men and women.

As for your hubby, no possibly cheating about it.. he looked at porn and wacked off for his skype pal.. plain and simple.

Drop him like the bad habit he has become and save yourself years of heartache.

Good luck.

 

[jennyjane]

My husband is a WOW addict too... for seven years I'm living with this situation, now I feel so tired, depress and unloved. I tried to communicate with him tell him how I feel but I really feel he doesn't care...

His schedule is as follows: Wake up at 10am, working and inbetween playing WOW, finished working at around 7:30pm, will start his raid again at 9pm and ho to sleep at around 3 to 4am, this is his routine, sunday to saturday...

I don't know what to do anymore....

 

[RandomDude]

You're dealing with a child, not a man.

I'm a gamer myself but I know my responsibilities as a husband and father. Not only that, but I don't make promises I don't keep. But then again, I've never touched WOW... I heard it's dangerously addictive. Maybe I should try...

My wife will KILL ME hehe, I still have an unopened copy a mate who worked at a game store gave to me - and to this day I've yet to open it heh.