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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi apologies in advance but this may be long. My husband is addicted to cannibis. Some would say not a big deal, but in my life it is a massive deal since although undiagnosed I swear my husband suffers from drug induced pyschosis. Ok I'm not a doctor but his GP has referred him urgently to mental health. I was waiting for the referral to come through as that felt like light at the end of a very dark tunnel. He smokes and becomes a monster, if he isn't verbally abusing me he is talking the most amount of crap I have ever heard. He claims cannibis high makes him more intelligent, and artistic. However it makes him disjointed and come across as he is rambling and very narcissistic. When he isn't smoking (after it wears off) he is the opposite absolutely lovely. His latest he left the house today and all was fine but I knew he was going to smoke. He has been smoking for the past 18 months. His latest he returned home kissed me after 10 minutes of him sending tweets to himself!!!! Then he said from today onwards when he is in the house I should only communicate with him by text or via Facebook!!!! He has moved into the living room and that is the end of it. If I 'love' him I should accept that he wants this. He just topped it off with a text message that makes lots of sense(verbatum):

'today I want a divorce. Before I go to sleep every night I will send you my last message. In it I will right if today I want a divorce or I want a wife. By valentine day I will count which one weighs more. If divorce is something I want everyday that I live with you, them I will have the paperwork ready for you to sign on April's pay day. It's a Friday for me.#ioUaxxam'

So when he smokes weed he doesn't want to be married and when he isn't on it I'm the best bloody thing that has happened to him and he is blessed I am in his life!!! He is very insecure when he isn't on weed and is frustrated with his job. I noticed a pattern that when he had bad days at work he would smoke. I earn more than him and that seems to bother him, hence his frustrations with work. I tried to involve his family, they have seen it full effect and I was glad as it meant they could understand he needs help. I guess so far I haven't given enough examples of the crazy activities but it was enough for his GP to refer him to mental health. His family decided that I am to blame, apparently his mothers logic - I should quit my job as it is a reminder to him ( what century is she in). His dad has alcohol addiction so she is imparting great advice - stick by your husband forget about what you want!

Examples, he decided whilst high he has cancer! He announced it on twitter and called his boss and took time off work! I was cringing when his work came home to discuss the cancer! His latest today is that he is 'disabled' by short term memory loss (hello it is the weed that makes him forgetful). He has had bouts where he is conducting experiments so I'm not allowed to use the water in the house at all. His artistic side that comes out is disturbing. His cousin once started laughing, when I asked her why she was laughing she said she was nervous because the pictures look like a crazy person has done them. He goes out and about and pretends to be deaf or blind or both, clearly sane people know he isn't.

All in all I'm waffling on and now at the end of my tether because I know there is a great person in there, I feel as his wife I should see him through this as his family will turn a blind eye and whether I stay or leave I will be the reason for his addiction. Equally I feel like its time to go and not look back, I feel stupid for allowing myself to be treated in this way but I know he is ill. He is making me feel insane! I need help

I couldn't post this last night as he switched the wifi off! This morning he comes in my room asking what time I'm going to work. I mentioned to him that he said I was not to speak to him only via text- to which he replied - I thought I would be civil today. What the hell!
 

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Maybe you could video tape him when he's high and show him what he's like.

However, when he came in this morning and said that he thought he would be civil, he was not high, right? This means that he is remembering what he things and does when he is high. Could this be an act to get on disability? Has he ever mentioned getting on it?

I agree that this might be the time to leave. YOu cannot fix this. He has to hit rock bottom before he will face up to what he is doing.

How old are the two of you and how long have you been married?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Maybe you could video tape him when he's high and show him what he's like.

However, when he came in this morning and said that he thought he would be civil, he was not high, right? This means that he is remembering what he things and does when he is high. Could this be an act to get on disability? Has he ever mentioned getting on it?

I agree that this might be the time to leave. YOu cannot fix this. He has to hit rock bottom before he will face up to what he is doing.

How old are the two of you and how long have you been married?
We are both 37 been together around 11 years married for 7 coming up to 8 in march. Lol he called me this morning and chatted to me like nothing happened. I often don't know how to react since to the outside world I'm the difficult one as they don't see what he is like to me. I haven't filmed him but I have recorded many conversations or should I say outbursts. Thinking about it now I can't think why I'm even recording it. Maybe if I listen it will give me the push to leave. We went away over Xmas and it was pure bliss no drugs for 20 days. This is what makes it hard as he was himself. This is something (drugs) he did before we married he was badly affected whilst we dated, talking in another voice keeping me up for days on end with stupid conspiracies etc. we got married and moved away from his stoner network and he was clean for over 6 years. Then one day he said he really wanted to do it. I relented and that was it. He spent 5 hours talking about a spoon! He didn't really stop since then. He created an art piece on a mirror I have and I get embarrassed when ppl come over as it is a scrawl at best but he is so proud of his art! I then noticed when he was frustrated with work he would smoke heavily and start dressing like a hobo and chatting crap. I've tried to be supportive but this is hurting me. I did move out last year for 3 months, he asked me back and he did stop for 3 months- the trigger to stop was he tried to strangle me whilst I was sleeping - he doesn't remember or chooses to deny it I don't know which! He once pinned me on the bed as I came out the shower and wouldn't get off me so I bit him hard on his shoulder to move him off me. He touts this to his family saying he is an abused husband and he is really scared of me!!! I'm stupid as I'm writing it here when really I know what I should do but I find it so difficult
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Pot smokers talk sh-t but they aren't violent. As for making him intelligent... no, that's an illusion the drug brings. Marijuana isn't chemically addictive but it sure is addictive in other ways.

Looks like he needs rehab, pronto. And if you really had enough of it, and if you want change, you need an ultimatum. You can't deal with an addict the same way as you can with other folks.
 

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You need to set boundaries, and if he crosses those boundaries then there should be consequences, and if those consequences mean you leave then you do. Most people don't learn unless there are consequences for their actions put into place, and sometimes they still don't learn. You need to take care of you, its all you can do right now.
 

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When is his referral? Personally, I wouldn't put up with it, but that's me. By doing so, you're telling him that his behaviour is acceptable to you, and he has no reason to quit as long as you continue enabling him.

C
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you all I appreciate that ppl have taken the time and consideration. I've felt so alone for so long that this is touching and makes me feel strong. I get made redundant from work next week. I plan to book a ticket and just go and not look back. Enough is enough and my sanity has been compromised far too much. I love him dearly but his behavior on cannibis is controlling and mysgonistic. It is the only option for us both to separate and cut our losses. This isn't what I'd hoped from marriage and I took my vows seriously but when your husband tells you he doesn't want to be married to you and has never needed me and doesn't want me - that is the end! Apparently it's because I never 'loved' him! This is the hardest thing I am doing in my life , trust me I've known hard times in my life but always dealt with what life had thrown at me and smiled at the other end. Far from perfect myself but the writing is on the wall.
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
It's strange how the universe lines things up, god I sound like him now. But the redundancy from work felt like a blessing to me and I have been counting down the days to when I can go. He knows no consequence and is so self involved that me leaving us a self fulfilling prophecy as he will play victim with I knew she would just leave me. I am not his mother who has put up with an alcoholic for 40 years and has no sense of who she is anymore. We all have choices he chooses to take a drug that alters him, me staying is a choice but I'm sending the wrong message that I accept being treated this way. Oh my where has this clarity come from
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I took my vows seriously but when your husband tells you he doesn't want to be married to you and has never needed me and doesn't want me - that is the end
Oh...

Well in that case, regardless of the cannabis (blame him not the grass btw), fk it. It's good you're taking a stand, in the end it looks like he himself has set the stage in motion.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Oh...

Well in that case, regardless of the cannabis (blame him not the grass btw), fk it. It's good you're taking a stand, in the end it looks like he himself has set the stage in motion.
Well that's when he is on the weed, when he has been off it I am the best thing in his life and he can't believe his fortune in having me in his life blah blah blah is all I hear now. You see I believe he loves me etc but I don't like to believe he doesn't want me etc. this has happened so much that I only recently made that realization that I'm readily accept the good and fight the bad
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Seriously he really isn't using harder substances but nowadays who knows where the weed is coming from and made! It really has that effect on him. It's like the ppl who advised me and they are pot smokers they tell me that it's an issue with him and stop blaming the pot. So yes I'm turning to that viewpoint. I'm leaving its unbearable, I leave on the 20th and don't intend to look back. Now I've taken marriage vow blinkers off I'm starting to see I've made myself a victim and he is treating me like a doormat. I deserve better and hopefully he will normalize. God harder substances don't bear thinking about if this his reaction to pot. I see it like this I have an intolerance to morphine, when it is administered to me I'm hell I end up wrenching and throwing up constantly and can barely lift my head of the pillow. Another person has it and they are fine. Horses for courses
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I have never heard weed having that reaction on anyone, ever. I grew up in an environment where people smoked weed as a part of life, and never, have I witnessed a fraction of what you've described. I myself smoke pot every few months, and I don't behave that way at all. I'm actually able to fully function in life (cook, clean, go out and have fun, even work). He clearly has psychotic episodes that are triggered when he smokes pot, but people don't behave that way. If I knew any people who behaved that way smoking pot, drinking or anything, I'd be like eff this! He sounds so ridiculous and immature.


Have you tried recording him and showing him to prove how stupid he looks and behaves?


You are seriously describing someone who uses crystal meth. Make sure you know what he's smoking. Soup to nuts it's not weed, and I find it hard to believe that even if he had underlying psychosis, it would make him trigger like that.


Are you familiar with what weed is? how it's suppose to taste and smell? something is telling me he's smoking meth, not weed. He sounds like a tweeker.

I had a neighbor who acted just like that, total nutcase, and he was a meth-addict.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Hey thanks but I am serious I know weed is a green plant like thing. I know the smell and hey many moons ago university days I made weed cakes! So I am well acquainted with it. Although I never ate those cakes or ever smoked it. I believe that this brings psychotic episodes in him and I have recorded many ramblings hey go onto twitter and follow him xxi_c and see the pictures he does and all his references to smoking wood. He truly believes he has created a code for twitter and mainly writes in hash tags! It's all nonsense! I've found he hides the weed I found it taped to the back of his drivers license and I see the joint ends all over the place. Hey he has told me to amputate my leg off while he was high, and said he couldn't remain married to me unless I did that! Go figure. From the 19th it's not my problem. Can't believe I've lived this nightmare life for the past 18months
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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Reading the responses I actually feel like I'm the mad one! I know what I see and as unbelievable as it sounds this is weed that does it to him
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Reading the responses I actually feel like I'm the mad one! I know what I see and as unbelievable as it sounds this is weed that does it to him
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I believe you. as has been mentioned, it sounds entirely reasonable that pot could exacerbate some underlying disorders or quirks.

But back in the day, all I wanted to do was order a pizza, fool around, and maybe watch "The Wall".
 

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Reading the responses I actually feel like I'm the mad one! I know what I see and as unbelievable as it sounds this is weed that does it to him
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No, you're not the mad one, it's just that I never heard of anyone behaving that way with pot. Anything is possible.

Could it be that he's mixing, or that he smoked the other thing and uses weed as a cover-up. You'd be surprised the lengths drug addicts go through to hide their habit. They are sick people.

There are ways to see if his weed is laced. Maybe he doesn't know it is.

Other - How to tell if your cannabis is laced with meth - Drugs Forum
 
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