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From your very long post the one thing that sticks out is you took no action. Talks get you nothing in these situations except more of what you’ve gotten.

Actions are the only thing that counts. Look up the 180 no contact and apply it fully.

Refuse to live in infidelity.

The only one that can make you a chump is yourself.
 

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Hopeful Cynic

That's very much how it goes.

I offered a separation/divorce and she said it wasn't enough. She wants 1/2 of everything which seems incredibly unfair. I WANT to end this nice, but .... I lost my wife, I'm losing her family which I've been close to, I'm 51, I'll be alone, ... I wanted something I could say hey, I got a little win of some kind out of this.

So she doesn't like my offer, I don't want to give half. I moved into a spare bedroom, minimal contact, I took control of all our finances and in the coming days I am going to get off any/all credit cards that has her name. My lawyer said make it uncomfortable, don't be a butthead too much .... its so against my nature to that. For 24 years I've done everything for her with her and ..... its hard.

I was cold last night in bed. I had no one to snuggle to. Its crushing

I want her to settle with me, give me something, and go. I want to rebuild my life somehow. truth is .... I wanted her to fight for me, to rediscover her love for me ..... its not going to happen, so here we are
How hard is living with a lying cheater?
 

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Discussion Starter #23
I meant my separation offer was paying her $2500 a month for the next 18 months so she can finish college. I want her to get her degree.

I thought with the offer she'd think she could have her freedom, her boyfriend, independence. Instead, she said she felt cheapened by the offer, insulted. wow ... ok, that's how I've felt right?

She says she there isn't a future with that 21 year old.

I think she wants to stay married for the next year and half, her doing whatever she wants, me paying for it all. She knows without me ... financially she'll hurt.

I question if she's cheating right now ... I don't think she is. She has said her heart will probably never be mine. She isn't sure she wants to stay married. She won't leave, she doesn't want a divorce for less than half

:(


this is hard
 

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I meant my separation offer was paying her $2500 a month for the next 18 months so she can finish college. I want her to get her degree.

I thought with the offer she'd think she could have her freedom, her boyfriend, independence. Instead, she said she felt cheapened by the offer, insulted. wow ... ok, that's how I've felt right?

She says she there isn't a future with that 21 year old.

I think she wants to stay married for the next year and half, her doing whatever she wants, me paying for it all. She knows without me ... financially she'll hurt.

I question if she's cheating right now ... I don't think she is. She has said her heart will probably never be mine. She isn't sure she wants to stay married. She won't leave, she doesn't want a divorce for less than half

:(


this is hard
You have got to be kidding. You need to go to the ER for "terminal Nice Guy Syndrome".

Did you read what you wrote? OF COURSE she is cheating now. You think she is going to give up a young stud for YOU????

Are you serious?

SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU... From what you have written, I don't think she EVER LOVED YOU.

HOW CAN YOU BELIEVE A WORD of what you have written.

Dude, wake up, get a divorce and move on for Goodness sake...
 

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Discussion Starter #25
"From your very long post the one thing that sticks out is you took no action."

um .... actions like asking her to leave or divorce papers earlier than now or ?

I took a lot of actions ..... trying with counseling etc. She says the way I interact with her now is so much better, why didn't I do it all those other years? Thing is ... I did for the most part, she just never noticed.

Oh, I admit my things. Sometimes I didn't listen well. I never gushed on her in part because she said it was cheesy. Never abuse of any kind and in fact, we never had fights which I know now is a sign of marital breakdowns. We agree on all that and we also agree the choices in cheating was hers.

I have said all along had she told me all these things years ago I'd have addressed them. I'd have had a choice. She removed that choice from me.


Today, I have removed my name from all 3 credit cards we have. They are all in her name only now.
 

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Discussion Starter #26
BluesPower

thank you

I do what I do, how I do for me ... I wanted to try as hard as I could. I have. I just want it to end nice now and it doesn't look that way
 

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I meant my separation offer was paying her $2500 a month for the next 18 months so she can finish college. I want her to get her degree.

I thought with the offer she'd think she could have her freedom, her boyfriend, independence. Instead, she said she felt cheapened by the offer, insulted. wow ... ok, that's how I've felt right?

She says she there isn't a future with that 21 year old.

I think she wants to stay married for the next year and half, her doing whatever she wants, me paying for it all. She knows without me ... financially she'll hurt.

I question if she's cheating right now ... I don't think she is. She has said her heart will probably never be mine. She isn't sure she wants to stay married. She won't leave, she doesn't want a divorce for less than half

:(


this is hard
BS, you acting like a chump, and she's throwing right back in your face. So you don't think she's humping toddler boy, think again and as her future with baby boy means she's just in to getting banged by anyone else. Quit being the victim here Arkansas, quit being that nice guy is so pathetic.
 

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I meant my separation offer was paying her $2500 a month for the next 18 months so she can finish college. I want her to get her degree.

I thought with the offer she'd think she could have her freedom, her boyfriend, independence. Instead, she said she felt cheapened by the offer, insulted. wow ... ok, that's how I've felt right?

She says she there isn't a future with that 21 year old.

I think she wants to stay married for the next year and half, her doing whatever she wants, me paying for it all. She knows without me ... financially she'll hurt.

I question if she's cheating right now ... I don't think she is. She has said her heart will probably never be mine. She isn't sure she wants to stay married. She won't leave, she doesn't want a divorce for less than half

:(


this is hard
I wasn’t clear on the 2500. I misunderstood.

In other words she wants her cake, you to frost, serve it to her and bow down before her to feed it to her as well.

Unless she showed true remorse I wouldn’t want her there.

Tangled web of politically correct world. :(

ETA: you are a slave neo.
 

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"From your very long post the one thing that sticks out is you took no action."

um .... actions like asking her to leave or divorce papers earlier than now or ?

I took a lot of actions ..... trying with counseling etc. She says the way I interact with her now is so much better, why didn't I do it all those other years? Thing is ... I did for the most part, she just never noticed.

Oh, I admit my things. Sometimes I didn't listen well. I never gushed on her in part because she said it was cheesy. Never abuse of any kind and in fact, we never had fights which I know now is a sign of marital breakdowns. We agree on all that and we also agree the choices in cheating was hers.

I have said all along had she told me all these things years ago I'd have addressed them. I'd have had a choice. She removed that choice from me.


Today, I have removed my name from all 3 credit cards we have. They are all in her name only now.
Yuk!! Nice guy syndrome, nice guy syndrome, nice guy syndrome.
 

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Discussion Starter #31
"In other words she wants her cake, you to frost, serve it to her and bow down before her to feed it to her as well.

Unless she showed true remorse I wouldn’t want her there."

this is true



I know where I am right now. I am losing the love of my life, faced with possibly losing 1/2 of what I have earned (I earned, she never worked really) being alone at 51 years old and I hate it.

I started this thread for "talkaboutmarriage" ........... thank ya'll for talking.
 

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Today, I have removed my name from all 3 credit cards we have. They are all in her name only now.
From an marital asset standpoint, I'm not sure that matters. Typically the debt is shared regardless of whether your name is on it or not. One way to ensure the debt is not yours is to create a legal separation agreement. That can set a point at which the state of the shared assets and debt are known and anything in the future would be separated. But without something like that, it doesn't matter. She could go out today and charge $10k on the CC in her name and you'd be responsible for half of it.

You've definitely gotten some harsh advice here, but it's because we all want the best for you. You can't be super nice throughout this. You'll get destroyed by her and end up with nothing. Also, you need to be tough for the sake of all guys out there. If you're easy on her, that's the takeaway she'll learn from all of this and she'll tell her friends how easy it all is. She'll learn that it's okay to hookup with other people and it's still easy to get divorced. Her friends will learn that lesson and do the same to their husbands. So for the sake of all men, you need to teach her the lesson that when she f's up like this, her life gets f'ed up.
 

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Everyone is blindsided and in shock for the most part upfront.

You’ve come to the right place for info. Take what you need and leave the rest.

The worst thing you can doin these situations is nothing.

Get strong and stay there. You’ll come out better that way.

Keep posting
 

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From an marital asset standpoint, I'm not sure that matters. Typically the debt is shared regardless of whether your name is on it or not. One way to ensure the debt is not yours is to create a legal separation agreement. That can set a point at which the state of the shared assets and debt are known and anything in the future would be separated. But without something like that, it doesn't matter. She could go out today and charge $10k on the CC in her name and you'd be responsible for half of it.

You've definitely gotten some harsh advice here, but it's because we all want the best for you. You can't be super nice throughout this. You'll get destroyed by her and end up with nothing. Also, you need to be tough for the sake of all guys out there. If you're easy on her, that's the takeaway she'll learn from all of this and she'll tell her friends how easy it all is. She'll learn that it's okay to hookup with other people and it's still easy to get divorced. Her friends will learn that lesson and do the same to their husbands. So for the sake of all men, you need to teach her the lesson that when she f's up like this, her life gets f'ed up.
This is correct. Better get moving
 

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I question if she's cheating right now ... I don't think she is. She has said her heart will probably never be mine. She isn't sure she wants to stay married. She won't leave, she doesn't want a divorce for less than half

this is hard
Typically the betrayed spouse want to believe the lies so they can put off making a decision.

They normally don’t stop cheating they just cover it better.

You aren’t fully awakened to reality yet.

She’s telling and showing you what you need to know. You’d be smart to believe her.
 

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Yes, this is talk about marriage, Arkansas but you don't have a marriage and that came straight from the horses mouth.

But we are telling you to protect your self and the kids, which I'm sure will want to stay with you. Quit loving her away, she's told it plain and simple you or your children are not what she wants she wants that special feeling you can't give her. Get to the lawyer today and file as it was told so you don't lose any more.
 

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You seem to be dragging your feet hoping it’ll all just go away. I suspect this’ll end up putting you in a worse financial position.

You can always slow or stop a D but if she goes on a spending spree without paperwork in place you’ll be on the hook for half of it.

Most will say “she wouldn’t do that to me”. You never though she’d cheat either did you?
 

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Like I said...

You need to stop the negative self talk.

YOU will not be alone unless you want to be.

And hey, you may think she is the "love of your life", but she does not and never has felt that way.

I know that this is hard, but you really need to wake up to reality...
 
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