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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband regularly jokes around about stress and then says he's going to kill the family. He says it jokingly but is that normal? I respond by saying you are not right. I say let me know before you get to that point. He says nope wife first. Then laughs like it's no big deal.
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Uh, no ... I fail to see the humor in killing. We recently had a spate of senseless killings by deranged people in this country.

Does your husband own any firearms?
 

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I don't thinks it's normal, and I don't think it's funny. If my husband said that I would call him on it and it wouldn't be a laughing matter. My take, it's creepy, not a joking matter, just too many headlines about this really happening.
 

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Does he keep a gun in the house?

Just curious.

Edited to add

I see another poster had the same question. For good reason.

I'd tell him you're uncomfortable with his jokes and to please refrain.
 

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It's not funny at all. People often use humor to express the truth under cover. In my way of thinking, believe what people say.

Last week a 15 year old boy in Albuquerque shot his parents and his 3 sibling, killing them all. The father was my the pastor of my youngest brothers' church. So my brother knew the family well.

There are some things you just do not joke about.
 

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I'll joke about just about anything even those taboo subjects that can really offend the heck out of some people.

But a husband joking to his wife about killing her and the kids?

Something ain't quite right there.

Sometimes people with OCD can get these horrible, obsessive ruminating thoughts that they're going to do something violent to someone else. That's not abnormal, it has something to do with how the brain works and how we handle acceptable versus unacceptable behaviors and sometimes that crazy part of our personalities that wants to go against the grain sort of squeeze out a few crazy ideas.

That's a lot different than acting on them.

Maybe hubby is experiencing those troubling thoughts and doesn't know what to do about it.

Consider asking him why he seems to derive pleasure, comfort, or satisfaction by joking about such a dark subject. Ask him if he ever does seriously have homicidal thoughts because there is a possibility that he's got some issues that need to be dealt with, and you can start with OCD.

Here's one link I found

The Different Types of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder | OCD-UK

This one's better, it will open a pdf file.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...A4rWcZDkFTEWsOQ&bvm=bv.41524429,d.dmQ&cad=rja
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
No guns in the house thankfully.
I thank you for your input. Just didn't want to say anything if it was just me who thought it was weird.
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It's distasteful, for sure. It can be a sign of someone with deviant thoughts, but yes, it can also be intended completely as a joke.

Before coming to either conclusion, I'd ask myself whether I see any other signs of risk in him:

-withdrawing from others
- fascination with killing scenes in movies (talking about them afterward in excess detail, for instance, or describing how he would do it differently)
- any history of violence
- his overall sense of humor

But if you don't like it, you have every right to ask him to stop. If it scares you, you have every right and reason to get to a safe place.
 

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Not right and I'd probably take it as a threat.
 

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Your husband plays a lot of video games, right? Are a lot of the games about shooting people?
 

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There's an element of truth in every joke.

Your H is desperate. He is stressed. Killing the family has crossed his mind but he quickly dismisses it because it's not socially accepted.

However...it's in his mind. He is homicidal and suicidal. If it were me, the next time he said it, I would call the cops. No joke. Have that man evaluated. It's not a joke. He says it, you don't laugh and he says it again. Not cool. ALmost like he's warning you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Last night he played til 3:30 in the morning. He is going back on now to play more. He plays all weekends. Some weekdays. Would that have anything to do with his behavior?
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Maybe he should get another job with all that time he wastes killing his brain cells. No wonder he has money issues. I don't understand these boys who dress up like men.
 
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How long has he been doing this?

It's not normal and I would be unnerved too. He's thought about it. Maybe only transiently, but the idea has crossed his mind. At the least, he's letting you know he's having trouble coping with current stress.

Is there a male relative he could talk to? A family friend? If not, you could talk to him about perhaps speaking to a pastor or counselor, and if he's agreeable, arrange it for him. He needs to find an outlet--someone he trusts to help him figure out solutions to whatever is weighing on his mind.

I'd suggest getting him support, telling him you're there for him to discuss anything that's on his mind, and also letting him know you don't want to hear the jokes anymore. If it persists, then I'd probably warn him that the next time he does it, I'm taking it seriously.
 

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Last night he played til 3:30 in the morning. He is going back on now to play more. He plays all weekends. Some weekdays. Would that have anything to do with his behavior?
I was just talking to my brother, the one who knew the pastor's family that was killed. The topic of killing in video games came up. That 15 year old was not allowed to play that kind of game at home. But apparently he did play them at the houses of his friends.

My brother says that the military sometimes uses simulators to teach people to kill as most people have a block to killing. He was listening to some big named psychiatrist who was talking about the elementary school killing a month or so ago. The Phsych. was saying that many of the video games are desensitizing many to the idea of killing just like the simulators that the military uses.

While they do not affect everyone that way, I think that they might affect some that way. And a grown man who spends most of his free time playing games where he’s killing what appear to be other humans has serious emotional/mental health issues.

So yea, I think that since your husband is spending hours a day ‘killing’ his threats could very well be coming from the way he spends most of his time.
 

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Last night he played til 3:30 in the morning. He is going back on now to play more. He plays all weekends. Some weekdays. Would that have anything to do with his behavior?
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Sounds like an addiction to me. And he gives you some quality time ... when? I'd be very nervous around this man. In fact, without meaning this in a snarky way, why are you with him? And he's a sociopath?

If that diagnosis is accurate, I'd be gone. Yesterday.
 
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