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HUGE FIGHT with my wife over birth control and condoms

18K views 57 replies 36 participants last post by  bkaydezz 
#1 ·
My wife recently visited her doctor.I won't get into the exact medical situation,but her doctor took her off of the pill.We were about to have sex and she told me I had to use a condom.There was a lot of back and forth,some arguing.I suggested that we just use withdrawal.She was saying that that wasn't a good method for preventing pregnancy.I didn't get married so I could use condoms.Anyway,there was definitely some yelling and screaming that resulted from the conversation.For those of you who don't know my wife recently lost about 200 pounds.We have been trying some new things.Her mother is moving in in two days,which I'm afraid will mess with our sex life.And now this...It seems all these things are happening all around the same time...I'm not sure yet how long she's going to want me to use the condoms.
 
#2 ·
Aha. Now I understand the fascination with anal.

The only thing withdrawal is guaranteed good for is the 18 year effect it has on you bank account.

If you're not ready for kids, you need to do better than withdrawal. There are lots of alternatives to the pill, some for her, some for you, but you'll need to pick one unless you want a smaller, whinier version of you running around. Would you rather use a condom or raise a baby?

Until then, get used to condoms. They're your best friend. I'd go online and shop at a place like Condomania. They have dozens of brands, some that are "oversized" to allow you more enjoyment than you might think.
 
#3 ·
My H feels exactly the same as you. Actually we decided that I would use whatever form of birth control I decided was best for my body and he would get the vasectomy when we were done with kids.

However, there was a time where my doctor took me off if the pills due to concerns with my blood pressure, and until that was figured out we used condoms for about a month or two.

I think at this time you should calmly try to find out how long, and discuss other methods, but ultimately, you may have to accept using condoms for a while. I do think it's odd that you didn't find out until right before sex, but maybe she was afraid of your reaction
 
#17 ·
Gosh your reaction was so selfish. It is not like she made a choice to be off birth control. For medical reasons she had to be off birth control. Mind you she was on them for a reason, she is trying to prevent pregnancy and you shouldn't want to risk that because you don't want to wear condoms for awhile.

Do you know what you will be risking if she has a kid during your withdrawal method when she didn't want one?

If that happened you could apologize about it all you want and she wouldn't forgive you. So don't risk it, wear the condoms until she finds an alternative method that makes her comfortable.
 
#18 ·
you're in a tough spot if you don't like condoms. my H HATES them. when he got his vasectomy, he had to ejaculate something like 20 times in 20 days or something like that. No problem, I thought. I got condoms. He wore it once and that's it. So I thought, I have to give him a BJ every day??? that's when I discovered that he must masturbate, because he said, "forget about it. i'll take care of it."

but since a V doesn't seem an option, since it sounds like you'll want kids, sounds like you have no choice, unless your wife has other options. I got headaches a lot from the pill. much better since I'm off it.

withdrawal is not an option unless you're totally irresponsible or if you don't care if your wife gets pregnant.
 
#19 ·
I'm just in a tough spot,as you said.And I don't believe I acted selfishly.No,we don't want a kid right now.But I believe the withdrawal method can be an effective method for preventing pregnancy if done right.What was irritating to me was the fact that she wasn't willing to listen to point of view and my take on withdrawal.
 
#45 ·
She did have weight loss surgery and honestly, the pill isn't AS effective with those of us who have had WLS. That's why we are told to use not one, but TWO methods of birth control to prevent pregnancy. And, that is even if using CONDOMS!
 
#25 ·
My husband has never been a fan of condoms.. We have never used any form of birth control, but i know my body and my cycle, so that helps but it is never 100% foolproof. I am not all that fertile anyway (or my husband isn't)
 
#26 · (Edited)
Jack -

Neither of you are being reasonable at this point. Being right does not solve the problem.

You and your wife are not discussing let alone considering empathetically each others position.

Why not read up on birth control methods and calmly approach your wife? You should be open to really hearing her concerns and hopefully she will respond in kind.

At any rate, I think that taking the concern from yourself and putting it were it should be - concern for you And your wife is the only way to solve this amicably.

Birth control methods fact sheet | womenshealth.gov
 
#27 ·
I went about 6 years with condoms after my wife went off the pill - finally she let me withdraw after I asked for enough oral. I got to the point I couldn't even finish with condo a and asked her to finish off with oral. By that time she felt raw from 30 minutes of sex and hated hummers and so finally said just pull out. Mjnd you in ) years I have probably had sex about 30 times total anyway...sooner or later you are bound to become just a tool getting your money spent for you and made to feel like a horn dog for wanting sex at all. Good ones ahead!
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#28 ·
For a woman who doesn't want pregnancy, a trustworthy form of birth control is a must. Frankly, I wouldn't even trust condoms. When I had to come off the BC pill I had an IUD fitted AND used a diaphragm AND a spermicidal. I was probably a bit OT, but If you're serious about not wanting children at this stage, you have to be serious about BC.
 
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#30 ·
For the first several years of our marriage, my H and I practiced withdrawal combined with keeping track of my cycle. I had to stop birth control due to side effects. It worked for a while...but I did eventually get pregnant. I remembered the sexual encounter that resulted in my pregnancy. I know for a fact that my H did not even come close to ejaculating inside me. Sperm does exist in "pre-cum". I have a handsome and wonderful 14 year old son to prove it! DO NOT rely on withdrawal if you absolutely don't want a pregnancy to occur. Thankfully in my case, I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant, even though it was an "accident".

Birth control is the responsibility of BOTH partners. She took birth control pills for a while. And now that it's your turn to step up to the plate, you throw a tantrum because you don't want to be inconvenienced by condoms. Your reaction seems a bit self-centered to me. However, I do agree that she should have talked to you about this right away when she stopped taking the pill, not wait until right before you were going to have sex. Both of you could've handled it better.
 
#37 ·
Well if you wouldn't mind the probable pregnancy, then go for it. But you can't come back here saying "MY WIFE IS PREGNANT NOW!!!! WHY DID SHE DO THIS TO MEEEEEE?!?!!"

So if the idea of a child is unappealing to you both right now, sorry charlie, but suck it up and wear a rubber for the time being.
 
#39 ·
We gave up on condoms after the fifth or sixth time we had sex, the condom broke. I'm pretty sure if we kept using that method our lives would be quite different now. At least with withdrawal I can take responsibility for the outcome and not blame some sh!tty piece of latex for tearing open.
 
#40 ·
Withdrawal is THEORETICALLY effective, when executed perfectly, assuming you are one of the guys who does leak any sperm into the precum. However, in real life, this method has a notoriously high failure rate. What makes you think that you're the exception? She has a valid reason to be concerned.

Look at condom use as a temporary solution until you find something else. An IUD, maybe?
 
#41 ·
I would have been pissed too. I didn't get married to have sex with a bag. Not going to happen. That said, withdrawal is not birth control. But there are lots of different methods than the pill. Better start researching.

For the record, I'm skeptical of this coincidence of mil moving in at the same time she springs this on you. She trying to kill sex.
 
#42 ·
There are so many bc methods to use. Not only is withdrawal unreliable, it actually lessens the intimacy of climax in my experience when it continues over a period of time. I hated when we used it. Not to mention after a really good night spent drinking and screwing, we now have a five month old son who was not originally in the plan. Why not look into an IUD?
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#43 ·
I haven't read anything on this thread, I'd recommend the copper IUD... if you already have kids, even more so. So long as you are monogamous, she is not allergic to copper... no uterus problems ... this, I feel , is the best thing on the market for married women.

No hormones, no mess, no pills, can be put in 5 minutes tops in the Docs office and stay in for 12 long years.

ParaGard® (intrauterine copper contraceptive)
 
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