Huge fight with husband

1509 Views 9 Replies 5 Participants Last post by Bellavista, Nov 6, 2012

Bellavista

Discussion Starter · Nov 5, 2012

We have a battle royal going on at the moment.

As per usual with us, it is over money. I am supposed to be working part time for H & cleaning part time to supplement my income.

H goes on all of the time that he is stressed about money, whenever I get an account that relates to the kids that I can't pay, he cracks up & goes on about he does not know how he is going to pay for everything.

Fair enough. Today I said I would go & find a full time job to relieve the financial burden for him. As it is, I have not grocery shopped for about 6 weeks, I am selling little things of mine to get some spare cash & I am trying to balance everything.

He has stormed out now, saying he obviously can't talk to me about anything. What am I supposed to do? Just keep being a financial burden to him or get a full time job?

I am so tired of fighting about money, we just go around & around & never solve anything. I cannot see what else I can do other than take on more work.

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helpwanted

· #2 · Nov 5, 2012

Honestly I would get a full time job if you have the time. Open your own bank account if you don't already have one and just focus on you and the kids. Maybe him selling his stuff and having the stress about where his next cent comes from will kick him into gear.

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Dubya

· #3 · Nov 5, 2012

Sounds like you should have gotten a job a longtime ago. Or are you talking about a second job? It's a bit vague.

Either way, you two have to get on the same side of this fight.

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Dubya

· #4 · Nov 5, 2012

helpwanted said:
Honestly I would get a full time job if you have the time. Open your own bank account if you don't already have one and just focus on you and the kids. Maybe him selling his stuff and having the stress about where his next cent comes from will kick him into gear.

I didn't read what she said the same you did.

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Bellavista

Discussion Starter · #5 · Nov 5, 2012

I had a full time job until april this year. I was stressed so i left and went part time in a different indusrty. I am working 2 part time jobs but one is for H.

I am thinking i may have done our marriage in this time. I am sitting in a corner in the dark with my heart breaking. There is no easy way to resolve these financial issues. It will do my head in going back to fulltime realestate.
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PBear

· #6 · Nov 5, 2012

Bellavista said:
We have a battle royal going on at the moment.

As per usual with us, it is over money. I am supposed to be working part time for H & cleaning part time to supplement my income.

H goes on all of the time that he is stressed about money, whenever I get an account that relates to the kids that I can't pay, he cracks up & goes on about he does not know how he is going to pay for everything.

Fair enough. Today I said I would go & find a full time job to relieve the financial burden for him. As it is, I have not grocery shopped for about 6 weeks, I am selling little things of mine to get some spare cash & I am trying to balance everything.

He has stormed out now, saying he obviously can't talk to me about anything. What am I supposed to do? Just keep being a financial burden to him or get a full time job?

I am so tired of fighting about money, we just go around & around & never solve anything. I cannot see what else I can do other than take on more work.

Have you two thought about financial counselling? Debt restructuring? Any sort of external help?

Just to point out the obvious... Separating (and divorce) won't make a bad financial situation better. In fact, you'll be supporting two households on the same income, plus the added expense of legal fees, deposits,etc.

C

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golfergirl

· #7 · Nov 5, 2012

Bellavista said:
I had a full time job until april this year. I was stressed so i left and went part time in a different indusrty. I am working 2 part time jobs but one is for H.

I am thinking i may have done our marriage in this time. I am sitting in a corner in the dark with my heart breaking. There is no easy way to resolve these financial issues. It will do my head in going back to fulltime realestate.
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From what I've been told - it kicks a man in the self-esteem when he can't provide for his family. It's a catch 22. On one hand, some people (you included) are jumping in looking to you to solve the problem, but doing just that calls him a failure as a man in his own eyes. Give it a day or two and see if things calm down and if you and he can approach this as a team to solve the problem. What he hears right now from you is, 'I guess I have to go back to that job I can't stand because you aren't man enough to look after us.
Old fashioned and makes no sense - yep, but my H is the same.
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Bellavista

Discussion Starter · #8 · Nov 5, 2012

I know Golfergirl, that is exactly it, but I can't sit and wait for money to appear. I did go about this the wrong way, I know. I tried to explain why i was submitting my resume, but all H heard was ' I have no faith in your business'. Not, 'I need to bring in more money to help you.'

No, I am not happy about it, but that is life. H has put me through far more heartache than this and I forgave him. If he cannot get past what he thinks I don't know what will happen.

I just can't take anymore fighting about finances.
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golfergirl

· #9 · Nov 5, 2012

Bellavista said:
I know Golfergirl, that is exactly it, but I can't sit and wait for money to appear. I did go about this the wrong way, I know. I tried to explain why i was submitting my resume, but all H heard was ' I have no faith in your business'. Not, 'I need to bring in more money to help you.'

No, I am not happy about it, but that is life. H has put me through far more heartache than this and I forgave him. If he cannot get past what he thinks I don't know what will happen.

I just can't take anymore fighting about finances.
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Give it a day and say, 'I know I approached you wrong and I don't want you to feel I don't have faith in you because I do. We need an extra income to get over this hump, let's sit together and come up with some ideas.'
And yea one of them will be you retuning to other job. It's not too late, most people can accept a sorry. And the sorry is for your approach, nothing else to be sorry for.
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Bellavista

Discussion Starter · #10 · Nov 6, 2012

Well, this morning we sat in silence in the office, both sniffing and acting like the other was not there. Yeah I know, really mature..

After a while H said he was working on a proposal to make sure I had enough income from both part time jobs. I thanked him. He told me to stop being a munter (his word for an idiot). I told him to get over himself & all was good from then on.

The finances are such a big issue because we both stress badly over it. It will probably come up again. In the meantime, I do still have my resume out there.

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