[WB7]

OK, Ive been married almost 10 years and Im very happy. But lately, I just dont want to have sex! My hubbys belly has grown so much and its a major turn off. When he gets naked, all I see is this enormous belly and I just cant get into having sex! Its just NOT sexy! I work really hard to stay slim and my belly is perfectly flat...do I tell him that this is why I dont want to have sex? I have told him to join the gym and have been on him for a few years already but he works a lot and doesnt seem willing to fit the gym into his schedule.... Am I being too superficial? I love him, he is a wonderful man....

 

[Hope1964]

My hubby has a big belly too, and when we were having problems it really bothered me. Now, not so much

Are you sure there isn't anything else going on with the two of you? We do tend to magnify others faults when our love bank with them is in the red.

 

[WB7]

No...I love him so much..He is an amazing man...Im just soooo not into big bellies...When we first got together he was totally in shape and the other day he told me, "Im just gonna get fat and you're gonna like it." Uh no.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

I think you should tell him. But I'll tell you what I often tell the men; reward his good behavior, and discourage his bad behavior. After you tell him, "catch" him going to the gym....and pour on the affection (that's a polite way of saying enthusiastic sex). And when he skips a workout, well, keep doing what you're already doing. Let him start adding 2+2 in the back of his mind.

 

[KathyBatesel]

Sexercise him!

When he can't keep up like he used to, I bet he'll find a way to start getting in shape more.

 

[Hope1964]

"Im just gonna get fat and you're gonna like it."

And he's an 'amazing' man??

 

[WB7]

he is an amazing man with a big belly.
he is kind, loving, loyal...I just cant get into having sex when I see what looks like a 9month pregnant belly
Just being honest...

 

[WB7]

LOL He was joking when he said that but it was a jerk thing to say..You are so right.

 

[oneMOreguy]

OK, Ive been married almost 10 years and Im very happy. But lately, I just dont want to have sex! My hubbys belly has grown so much and its a major turn off. When he gets naked, all I see is this enormous belly and I just cant get into having sex! Its just NOT sexy! I work really hard to stay slim and my belly is perfectly flat...do I tell him that this is why I dont want to have sex? I have told him to join the gym and have been on him for a few years already but he works a lot and doesnt seem willing to fit the gym into his schedule.... Am I being too superficial? I love him, he is a wonderful man....

...exercise is very important to health....but it is simply not possible to overcome and fix a weight issue with exercise.....weight is primarily an overeating issue........a combination of exercise and healthy nutrition is the path to fixing this....my best advice is to address both issues, and start tracking what he eats so he can see an accurate calorie balance.....good luck

 

[Hope1964]

I am not sure how you can tell him without it offending him, really. Do you think he doesn't know he has a big belly?

You also can't change him. He has to want to change himself.

I changed my eating habits a few years ago, hoping hubby would follow, but he didn't. He eats way too much carbs and junk food, and doesn't exercise anywhere near as much as he should. We're both guilty of drinking beer more often than we should too.

I've just come to accept the whole package - the belly is part of it. Filling each others love banks has helped tremendously for us to accept certain things and concentrate on what we CAN change.

 

[KathyBatesel]

LOL He was joking when he said that but it was a jerk thing to say..You are so right.

I think his remark was an attempt to pretend he's not bothered by it. He knows. He doesn't like it. I think if you realize that it's part of the wonderful guy that he is, that without the belly there'd be no "him" in your life, you might learn to overlook his belly and perhaps even come to see it as something "fun." I know how crazy that sounds, but millions of people adore the jolly ol' fat guy at Christmas, right? Joking aside, it's true that the more we admire someone, the more we're able to overlook their flaws and even find those things attractive.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

I am not sure how you can tell him without it offending him, really. Do you think he doesn't know he has a big belly?

You just tell him. Yes, it might hurt his feelings. But we're guys. We're kind of used to it. You're thinking of it like a woman would take it. I would never tell my wife to lose weight. But she's told me to. If I let myself go for a while she'll just come out and say it "look at your belly. That is just not a turn on. Yuck." I'm not claiming he'll like the comment, but he won't react the way a woman would. I know, I know, double standard. Sorry about that.

 

[WB7]

UGH. I cant just accept the big belly. Im not into that, never have been...and really am grossed out with it. I cant help it. Ive tried to accept it and then for a while I forget...and now its GINORMOUS. I mean its HUGE!! :O I have to tell him...
Whats worse is that a few years ago his belly got huge...and I told him, and he LOST IT IN 3 weeks. Yes in 3 weeks. He hit the gym and bam! He was back in shape..Its so easy for him....

 

[KathyBatesel]

UGH. I cant just accept the big belly. Im not into that, never have been...and really am grossed out with it. I cant help it. Ive tried to accept it and then for a while I forget...and now its GINORMOUS. I mean its HUGE!! :O I have to tell him...
Whats worse is that a few years ago his belly got huge...and I told him, and he LOST IT IN 3 weeks. Yes in 3 weeks. He hit the gym and bam! He was back in shape..Its so easy for him....

Then why are you even asking this here?

You already know how he'll respond.

 

[Hope1964]

You just tell him. Yes, it might hurt his feelings. But we're guys. We're kind of used to it. You're thinking of it like a woman would take it. I would never tell my wife to lose weight. But she's told me to. If I let myself go for a while she'll just come out and say it "look at your belly. That is just not a turn on. Yuck." I'm not claiming he'll like the comment, but he won't react the way a woman would. I know, I know, double standard. Sorry about that.

So are you more likely to try to lose your belly if your wife just out and tells you, or if she models the changes she'd like to see?

 

[WB7]

I have told him to join the gym and have been on him for a few years already but he works a lot and doesnt seem willing to fit the gym into his schedule....

This is the 2nd time around and this time he just hasnt done anything about it. THATS WHY!!!!!!

 

[WorkingOnMe]

So are you more likely to try to lose your belly if your wife just out and tells you, or if she models the changes she'd like to see?

I'm pretty self motivated. She's only telling me what I already know. She tries to model the behavior, but her diet is completely unrealistic for me. I seriously get dizzy spells and can't stand up if I try to limit to the amount of food she eats. Low blood sugar I guess.

 

[ladybird]

Sexercise him!

When he can't keep up like he used to, I bet he'll find a way to start getting in shape more.

My husband also has a big belly, the rest of him isn't fat. He has issues in the bedroom and he has not done anything to change it. His own Dr told him if he lost weight, it would greatly improve his sexual function. He has yet to do anything about it and I am really growing tired of waiting. I am not getting any younger.

I have never told him that he is fat or a turn off, that would make things worse.

 

[WB7]

Ive been modeling the change for 10 years. I work out, eat right and still weigh exactly what I weighed when we got married. I dont know how much more to model the change! And I've had 2 kids!!!! It hasnt been easy because I LOVE FOOD!

 

[Deejo]

So ...

We consistently walk on egg-shells and deal with an emotional powder keg when it's a man addressing this issue with a woman.

My advice in your case is very straightforward.

Shame him. Don't couch it. Don't soft peddle. Be creatively cruel to be kind.

He wants sex? Say something like "Oh, honey, I don't want to hurt the baby." and gingerly rub his belly.

That kind of thing.

If it isn't ok with you, than it isn't ok.

You can say; "I want to find you sexually attractive, but sadly I just don't."

That kind of stuff is usually sufficient for a dude to get the message.