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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hubby commented about a female coworker always posting depressing stuff on Facebook. Said he offered to take her out to breakfast.

How would you feel about this?
 

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The main question is: How do you feel about it? If my wife wanted to take a male coworker out to breakfast because he was writing depressing stuff on Facebook, I wouldn't be too happy about it. If fact, I'd find out what restaurant she was going to take him to and I'd be sitting right at the table next to them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Obviously I don't think that it's appropriate that he take female coworkers out to eat, but fear if I say something I will come across as too controlling and will push him away. That old 38 Special song comes to mind "hold on loosely, but don't let go if you cling too tightly you're gonna lose control."
 

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I'd be nervous because I don't know anything about her. She's vulnerable and sometimes people get sucked into the lives of vulnerable people because they think those people need them. She might become clingy. My husband goes out with women (though it's usually in a group), but even if it was alone, if I knew it was his secretary, who I've known for 20 years, or another woman, who's husband is sick, I'd feel better, but this "breakfast because she's depressed," doesn't sit right with me. I'm not sure I'd outright tell him not to go, but I might express my concerns.
 

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Your H getting involved in a female co-worker's personal life isn't a good idea, as it opens up the door to emotional bonding between them. It would be more appropriate, IMO, for your H to perhaps solicit the help of another female co-worker to support this woman.

Protecting your marriage by having healthy boundaries cannot be construed as controlling, IMO.
 

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Obviously I don't think that it's appropriate that he take female coworkers out to eat, but fear if I say something I will come across as too controlling and will push him away. That old 38 Special song comes to mind "hold on loosely, but don't let go if you cling too tightly you're gonna lose control."
curlysue: I'm going to tell you what I tell every testosterone free guy here who's wife is out trolling on them: "grow a pair". If you are not comfortable with this, tell him. Talk it out. If he dose it anyway despite your feelings, then make sure he knows you are not happy about it. You women have a way of making it very clear when you are unhappy with us guys! :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
The problem is he has a female friend he has had since high school. She is well over 200 pounds and I am not treatened by her at all, but I don't think she makes it a steady habit to go crying on his shoulder for emotional support. That's what significant others and girlfriends are for. They are just friends. I don't know if the coworker is younger and attractive. I just have a problem with other women using my husband for emotional support. My exhusband had women crying on his shoulder all the time. I couldn't even sit down and have a meal with him without him texting all through it.
 

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Nope Nada Zilch..... if she's depressed, she needs to use EAP (free counseling services most employers offer) to discuss her issues; not your husband. Unless, of course, your husband is a trained counselor/therapist; if so, then the hourly rate should apply.
 
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Hubby commented about a female coworker always posting depressing stuff on Facebook. Said he offered to take her out to breakfast.

How would you feel about this?
I wouldn't stand in his way but would certainly expect to be kept in the loop about what exactly happened when they were together, just in a casual conversational sense. Only if he appeared guarded about opening up would I start to have any ill feeling about it.
 

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Hubby commented about a female coworker always posting depressing stuff on Facebook. Said he offered to take her out to breakfast.

How would you feel about this?
This is not for business reasons, this is to give her emotional support with the intent of cheering her up. This sounds like a date. This potentially could be the starting point of an emotional affair (EA).

Although most couples do not allow for opposite sex friends (OSF), many do. Most that do allow OSF have established boundaries that they both follow with these OSF. The most common boundary is that the OSF must know the spouse and be a friend of the marraige; this other woman does not meet this reasonable boundary requirement. Another is that the spouse must be welcome to attend all meetings with the OSF; again this meeting does not comply with this. Thus this meeting would be considered by the majority of couples to be inappropriate, and you would be within your rights to ask him not to have this meeting with this other women.

Going forward you need to discuss and establish OSF boundaries with your husband.
 

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So your husband is asking you if he can date a woman he works with?

The answer should be no. Why would he want to get involved in the drama. If he goes, go and meet her.
 

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By the way, what is his position compared to hers? Is he above her in the chain of command? On equal level?

Him asking her out could be construed as sexual harassment.
 

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You should not be afraid to have good clear boundaries in your marriage.

You need to talk to him about emotional affairs and what you need from him- for example an emotionally faithful husband who puts your marriage first.

I personally think having lots of co workers on face book is a a bad idea too, unless you are both friends.
 

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This is not for business reasons, this is to give her emotional support with the intent of cheering her up. This sounds like a date. This potentially could be the starting point of an emotional affair (EA).

Although most couples do not allow for opposite sex friends (OSF), many do. Most that do allow OSF have established boundaries that they both follow with these OSF. The most common boundary is that the OSF must know the spouse and be a friend of the marraige; this other woman does not meet this reasonable boundary requirement. Another is that the spouse must be welcome to attend all meetings with the OSF; again this meeting does not comply with this. Thus this meeting would be considered by the majority of couples to be inappropriate, and you would be within your rights to ask him not to have this meeting with this other women.

Going forward you need to discuss and establish OSF boundaries with your husband.
This is great advice. I have had this convo with my wife several times. She had the tendency to live like a single teenager. She has worked on this a good bit, still annoying and damaging. It is important to let your spouse know that you will not tolerate any violations of the rules you both set.
 
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