I have been married to my husband for 5 years. It has been some what rough. He has been arrested for stealing, he has been emotionally abusive and I think he is narcassisitic(SP). I am not perfect either though. This relationship has really turned me into someone I am not happy with at all.
I have turned into someone who is overly aggressive, non trusting and extremely stressed out. I wanted to bring up some very strange behaviors that my husband partakes in that I don't quite undertsand. Well one, he has a bad spending problem. This isnt what is strange, but what is strange is that he spends like there is no tomorrow and doesnt really try hiding it. Well he tries hiding the receits, but he knows I can call the bank or see the bank statement and see all that he has spent.
One week he spent $650 on nothing but food on himself and things for his rc cars, this hobby that he has and gas for his truck. He didnt even pay the insurance on the truck and it was cancelled. When I asked him if he paid it he said yes, knowing he hadnt but trying to lie to me about it. I already knew he hadnt paid it but but wanted to give him the opportunity to tell the truth.
Now our family is going without things we need, like food and a vehicle because we cant afford right now to get insured until next month and he acts like he has done nothing wrong at all. He has denied all wrongs. When I finally did confront him that I knew he didnt pay on the insurance, he turned it around on me, and he said that the reason why he quit paying the bills was because I am uncommitted to our marriage.
The reason why he is saying that is because I have threatened divorce in the past but that wasnt the current situation or problem at the time. I have no idea why he is bringing that up.
Whenever I bring up any viable issue that he clearly has done wrong like lie, or hide something from me, or whatever it may be, he always scoffs or laughs and acts like I am up in the night and just crazy or he admits to it but turns it around on me like I forced him to do the action by the way that I act.
I feel like he has a mental illness or something. I know I have issues also, and I know there is so much I need to work on, but I know that I do not lie, I do not ever spend behind his back, I put our family first in all that I do, and all that I do is worry about our problems and taking care of our day to day issues. This is not him at all. He sneaks around, he lies quite a bit, I catch him just about everyday in a new lie, he isnt even good at it anymore, he is annoyed and mean to our kids and he acts like our bills are no worries or concerns to him and that I am just a worry wort.
He will even become angry for and flustered for what seems like no reason at times. I ask him what is wrong, and I always try (not perfect at this but make an effort) to be calm and ask him whats wrong and if something is bothering him. He just yells and says "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME, JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE"! He really gets rotten. If I leave him alone when he is like this he gets mean and nasty and if I try talking to him, he is mean and nasty. it is seriously a lose/lose situation.
This year he is trying to make me tell my parents that they aren't aloud to get our kids anything for Christmas because he thinks our kids have too many toys already (they don't). He isnt telling his Dad this, it is just my parents.
I have thought of leaving him many many times. I fear that won't help. He is to into himself to care if we are gone at all. I fear our kids will go without a Dad. My family thinks I am completely crazy for staying with him.
What would you all do if your spouse lied habitually and would sneak constantly? What would you do if they spent your money dry at times putting you in the negative and then when confronted acted like it was your fault they did it? What would you do if your spouse never took any responsibility for the wrongs they did, and scoffed and laughed at you when you tried talking to them about it or acted like you were just crazy?
This is where I am and frankly I am at a huge loss right now as to what to do. Any advice is very welcome. Thanks.