Hi, sorry for a long one, but I'm dealing with 2 years worth of pent up frustration and anger since my husband changed his mind and decided he didn't want a second child. I'm not sure how to continue our marriage as this has been devastating for me and the feelings of resentment and anger are just building and building. Meanwhile Hubby thinks everything is just hunky-dory, even after I've sat him down several times in the past 2 years and told him how unhappy I am.
A little background: My husband is 13 years older than me and it is his 50th birthday today. I'm 37 and we have a 3 year old daughter. We've known each other for 13 years and have been married for 7. Before we got married, I specifically told him that I would only marry him if he agreed to have children. It is that important to me that it was a deal-breaker. He was ambivalent about kids but did agree to having them. Then we talked numbers and agreed to have 2 kids.
We ended up needing invitro for the first one but still were talking about our next child all through the pregnancy and for the first 6 months after she was born. We did have a rocky start with 6 weeks of colic but after we discovered the cause (I stopped eating all dairy products) she became a much easier baby. She is the apple of her Daddy's eye and he loves her to pieces.
He has said he doesn't think he can go through that first year again and he said he started crying just thinking about it. Now he says he doesn't want to have another child at his age for fear that he'd die and leave us alone to cope. He has also said he doesn't think I would handle another baby very well as I had to call him home from work 4 or 5 times at the beginning because I was so frustrated. We live nowhere near any family and my friends all work full time so I had NO help with my colicky baby and I actually feel quite proud for how well I did under the circumstances. I found his questioning my mothering abilities VERY insulting and hurtful and he's trying to turn it around so it's because he's got my concerns in mind. He broke his PROMISE to me and I feel betrayed.
As for dying, that's why we have an insurance policy and I'm a professional who can make more money alone than most dual income families can, so money is not at all a concern for me.When I decided to marry him, I accepted the fact that I would likely be a widow at an earlier age. There's nothing new there.
Lastly, I do NOT want my daughter to grow up as a lonely only child. I have been reading a lot about only children and speaking to some adults who were only children and despite the fact that studies say they are no different, my friends tell me they hated it and were so lonely and would NEVER have just one child (they all have 3 or 4). I had an ideal childhood with an older brother but my hubby didn't have it so easy and he was the oldest of 3 with an absentee father and says he would have rather been an only child.
How do we resolve this? We talked about this first 2 years ago and then again last year and even now neither of us has budged an inch on our wishes. I don't think I could divorce him and destroy the family I do have in the off chance I could have another, especially not at my age. This is so frustrating!!!
A little background: My husband is 13 years older than me and it is his 50th birthday today. I'm 37 and we have a 3 year old daughter. We've known each other for 13 years and have been married for 7. Before we got married, I specifically told him that I would only marry him if he agreed to have children. It is that important to me that it was a deal-breaker. He was ambivalent about kids but did agree to having them. Then we talked numbers and agreed to have 2 kids.
We ended up needing invitro for the first one but still were talking about our next child all through the pregnancy and for the first 6 months after she was born. We did have a rocky start with 6 weeks of colic but after we discovered the cause (I stopped eating all dairy products) she became a much easier baby. She is the apple of her Daddy's eye and he loves her to pieces.
He has said he doesn't think he can go through that first year again and he said he started crying just thinking about it. Now he says he doesn't want to have another child at his age for fear that he'd die and leave us alone to cope. He has also said he doesn't think I would handle another baby very well as I had to call him home from work 4 or 5 times at the beginning because I was so frustrated. We live nowhere near any family and my friends all work full time so I had NO help with my colicky baby and I actually feel quite proud for how well I did under the circumstances. I found his questioning my mothering abilities VERY insulting and hurtful and he's trying to turn it around so it's because he's got my concerns in mind. He broke his PROMISE to me and I feel betrayed.
As for dying, that's why we have an insurance policy and I'm a professional who can make more money alone than most dual income families can, so money is not at all a concern for me.When I decided to marry him, I accepted the fact that I would likely be a widow at an earlier age. There's nothing new there.
Lastly, I do NOT want my daughter to grow up as a lonely only child. I have been reading a lot about only children and speaking to some adults who were only children and despite the fact that studies say they are no different, my friends tell me they hated it and were so lonely and would NEVER have just one child (they all have 3 or 4). I had an ideal childhood with an older brother but my hubby didn't have it so easy and he was the oldest of 3 with an absentee father and says he would have rather been an only child.
How do we resolve this? We talked about this first 2 years ago and then again last year and even now neither of us has budged an inch on our wishes. I don't think I could divorce him and destroy the family I do have in the off chance I could have another, especially not at my age. This is so frustrating!!!
