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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband smokes pot it used to be from time to
Time. Then last summer it became a daily thing
And became a problem he would drink and smoke
And get to the point hed be so
Out of it. Friend even stopped hanging out with
Us because of it. I td him it's me or drugs and he stopped but tonight
He smoked again and it really hurt me. I said to him
What about me I hate you when you are like this. Did I
Over react I'm just scared a once in awhile thing will become ugly
Again. I don't know what to think
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I have a similar issue with my husband, went from over drinking to quitting cold turkey to starting to smoke pot, then quit that after a wierd episode to starting to smoke cigarettes. Wierd. He just changes addictions over the years. Makes me wonder after 13 years of marriage where the next 50 years will take us? Whats next? I think that he has an addictive personality, maybe even a "disorder" Maybe your's has something similar? When ever I ask my husband to stop, he really doesn't. He stops when something makes him want to stop. We have two small children and I always have a fear in the back of mind.... whats gonna happen next?
 

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You did not overreact if that is how you feel. If he can't stop, if you're losing friends because of this, if this is the predominant issue in the marriage, if it makes you feel bad a lot, then you need to tell him that his addiction is threatening the marriage. He then needs to decide if he loves pot more than you. If you can steer him towards a treatment program and go yourself, then that is progress, but if he refuses, then you have to decide if this is something you want to tolerate for the rest of your life. At that point you have to accept that you can't change him, but you can only change yourself, and change might mean walking away.
 

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I agree he's escaping.

talk to him about finances & his job. Talk about acceptable escape points that you agree with.

Tell him about how you feel when he crosses the line, or does it too often. I agree with using the "I" statements.

"I get worried that you are going to get addicted"
"I feel shut out of your life while it's happening"
"When you do it so much I worry that something horrid is going on in your life that you can't open up & share with me"
"I worry about your job while you are doing this"

etc
etc
 

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This is my viewpoint on the subject, some people choose to have a drink afterwork to unwind, others smoke. If your man smoked before you got married, you can't make that now a deal breaker, because you knew it going into the marriage. You can however decide is this really a battle you want to fight, if it is, be prepared to stick to your guns and leave. If you aren't willing to leave over it, than talk to him about it in an unarmed way and tell him how it makes you feel, but that you are going to work on it, and request something of him in return, like compromising a deal (only on weekends as an example, only when the kids are in bed is another example) but figure out if this is really a deal breaker, and if it is, pack up and leave.
 

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My husband smokes pot it used to be from time to
Time. Then last summer it became a daily thing
And became a problem he would drink and smoke
And get to the point hed be so
Out of it. Friend even stopped hanging out with
Us because of it. I td him it's me or drugs and he stopped but tonight
He smoked again and it really hurt me. I said to him
What about me I hate you when you are like this. Did I
Over react I'm just scared a once in awhile thing will become ugly
Again. I don't know what to think
Posted via Mobile Device
It's like this, you have been married 2 years.
The drugs are causing a problems to the point of losing friends.
You told him to choose between you or the drugs.

He chose the drugs.

The ball is in your court.

Do you have someone to go stay with for awhile?

You already issued the ultimatum and he didn't care. If you don't do what you said, he will never take you seriously again.

When you issue an ultimatum you must be ready to do what you said.
 

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It isn't about you at all. My ex smoked 24/7 and if it wasn't pot it was alcohol or pen or video games. Addiction is an illness. The best thing you can do is allow the natural consequences and hope he gets to the point he wants to quit. That may mean losing friends or job. Everyone's breaking point is different. Mine has never stopped and I asked him to move out two years ago. He would rather lose his family than his high. Pm me if you need to talk. Hugs
 

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You need to tell him how it makes you feel, using "I" statements...
As a man who enjoys alcohol and prescription drugs, I can tell you right now this is the second least effective thing you can do. The least effective would be yelling.
you: "Shawn, it hurts me when you drink beer and play video games. What would Jesus think?"
me: "Jesus would tell you to grow the hell up already. As someone who changed water into wine, he was obviously pro drinking. You can either be happy with me while I'm drinking or you can sit in the corner and pout all day."


Drugs actually work to fix certain problems. If someone is having a hard time with drugs, then that's a good sign they should talk to a doctor. One of my friends spends as much money on marijuana as some people spend on car payments. I asked him why, and his answer sounded like he has an anxiety problem, possibly depression as well. Some people drink alcohol because everything is super fun when drinking, but some people drink because they have anxiety problems.
 
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