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Discussion Starter #21
I have lots ways of initiating with BF of almost 2 years...they range from a soft kiss that gets more intense. Just walking up to him and taking off my shirt. Walking up to him with no pants on or coming out of the bathroom with some lingerie on that he loves. I might just start playing our favorite song to have sex to in the bedroom and he comes running LOL Sometimes I just walk up to him and undo his belt and pants and grab (gently) what I want. The choices are endless really. I don't think he really cares how I do it, just that I do it...like everyone else in this world, he likes feeling wanted.

But, to quote my BF "You know how to make sure you don't get laid Jamie? Feed me after 8:30pm." So I pay close attention to dinner time :)
If you can keep like that after becoming a wife it will be very good. The complaint is usually that we stop being good once we get married and the men get tired of initiating or assume we don't want sex with them. It is up to us as women in long term relationships to show that these assumptions are not generally true.
 

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Women...initiating? Never heard of such a thing.

Well, I did have a GF in college who was a sex fiend. She wanted it all the time and used to rip my shorts down and ask for it.

I probably should have married her :)
This. My wife initiated once in 30 years... whilst one of my ex girlfriend was the "impromptu blowjob in the woods" type of girl. I should have married her too... :rolleyes:
 

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If you can keep like that after becoming a wife it will be very good. The complaint is usually that we stop being good once we get married and the men get tired of initiating or assume we don't want sex with them. It is up to us as women in long term relationships to show that these assumptions are not generally true.

Well, we have no plans to marry anytime soon. We've been essentially living together for about a year. I still have my apartment in the house that I share with exH but I rarely sleep there anymore. Due to Covid I had to move in with BF to quarantine and I never really moved back out. Things are going very well.

We both know what it's like to feel unwanted by a partner and neither of us is interested in making the other feel that way. I feel blessed to have found someone whose sex drive matches mine and who appreciates me for who I am. We just fit and damn it feels good. He's a very good lover and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. Maybe in 20 years when I'm in my 70's I won't be down for quite as much sex but I'm thinking he won't either. For now I'm not worrying about it.
 

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But, to quote my BF "You know how to make sure you don't get laid Jamie? Feed me after 8:30pm." So I pay close attention to dinner time :)
LOL What is it with men and their bellies? My bf likes to eat by 6 and when he's here, I try to accommodate that, but sometimes it doesn't happen and if I want sex, it's me on top and him like a sloth if dinner's later :ROFLMAO: .
 

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In my marriage there are a lot of dynamics that impact the opportunity of intimacy. Mostly the challenges surrounding us both keeping very busy schedules. My wife tends to enjoy a great deal of nonsexual intimacy. She wants to be able to enjoy that without feeling pressured for more or worrying that I'll get my feelings hurt during the moments she just needs a hug.

So more important to us is working out how to keep things cooled down but playful when the time is not right. We then verbally agree in advance when the timing is right and it is going to be a sure thing.

This way in the meantime she gets to initiate all the nonsexual intimacy she wants and we enjoy being flirtatious with one another. As a result when we do have time for sexual intimacy we feel a lot more connected. The result is that sexual intimacy is never really initiated but instead scheduled and agreed upon in advance.

Things do happen spontaneously on occasion. We both feel confident enough to just let the other know it is TIME and we make it happen!
 

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LOL What is it with men and their bellies? My bf likes to eat by 6 and when he's here, I try to accommodate that, but sometimes it doesn't happen and if I want sex, it's me on top and him like a sloth if dinner's later :ROFLMAO: .
Well, he normally eats at 4pm as he has a very early work schedule. So by 8:30 a full belly will just give him food coma and he’s fast asleep. But he also doesn’t like having sex with a full stomach...but neither do I so we’re a good match that way.
 

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Well, he normally eats at 4pm as he has a very early work schedule. So by 8:30 a full belly will just give him good coma and he’s fast asleep. But he also doesn’t like having sex with a full stomach...but neither do I so we’re a good match that way.
Mmmhmm, my dude's an early bird, I'm a night owl. I dose him with digestive enzyme tablets if it's after his usual dinner time. Maybe try that? We don't see each other as often as we'd like due to our schedules, so ain't nobody got time for digestive comas.
 

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I think women initiate in ways that go over men's heads because they're not overtly sexual. I don't recall that ever being a problem in my younger years and I believe that may have come from watching porn and getting unreasonable expectations about being sexually aggressive.
 

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Mmmhmm, my dude's an early bird, I'm a night owl. I dose him with digestive enzyme tablets if it's after his usual dinner time. Maybe try that? We don't see each other as often as we'd like due to our schedules, so ain't nobody got time for digestive comas.
It’s not a problem for me. I get up very early too so if it’s too late then I’m tired. Our schedules mesh well. I wasn’t complaining about it, I just thought his statement was funny.
 

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Where are these unicorns married 20 plus years and having sex six days a week? I’ve read about them, but have never met one in real life. It’s Big Foot. If anyone ever catches one, it’s going to make history.
I think its a false perspective too. If my wife posted here she would be saying we have a great sex life and have sex 2-3x per week...even though we don't. But in HER mind we do.

Not saying some couples do not but I think the numbers are skewed. i.e. couples that do, like to talk (brag) about it as they have something most couples do not.

We travel to Europe most years so my wife and I could go on travel sites talking about how frequently we travel to Europe which many Americans do not. So yeah, some things can easily look better than they are.
 

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My wife never tried to argue frequency with me but I wanted to track it when I gave her an ultimatum to make sure things were improving.

So I started journaling it and she knows I journal it. Now I have many months of accurate data. 6 days last week and 2x on one day. Been married over 20 years.
 

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Discussion Starter #34
I think its a false perspective too. If my wife posted here she would be saying we have a great sex life and have sex 2-3x per week...even though we don't. But in HER mind we do.

Not saying some couples do not but I think the numbers are skewed. i.e. couples that do, like to talk (brag) about it as they have something most couples do not.

We travel to Europe most years so my wife and I could go on travel sites talking about how frequently we travel to Europe which many Americans do not. So yeah, some things can easily look better than they are.
I have always recorded my numbers dating back from when i found out that sex reduced the risk of certain cancers in men and I told him to pull his socks up and try to double the numbers as I don't want any cancers in my family. Years later he was shocked to find I have recorded the frequences since. In the whole of 2020 the figure was 266 which was 19 times higher than the year before. Lockdown was credited for the difference but we also did not travel with work.
 

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I think its a false perspective too. If my wife posted here she would be saying we have a great sex life and have sex 2-3x per week...even though we don't. But in HER mind we do.

Not saying some couples do not but I think the numbers are skewed. i.e. couples that do, like to talk (brag) about it as they have something most couples do not.

We travel to Europe most years so my wife and I could go on travel sites talking about how frequently we travel to Europe which many Americans do not. So yeah, some things can easily look better than they are.
Sounds like someone is jealous.
 

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I have always recorded my numbers dating back from when i found out that sex reduced the risk of certain cancers in men and I told him to pull his socks up and try to double the numbers as I don't want any cancers in my family. Years later he was shocked to find I have recorded the frequences since. In the whole of 2020 the figure was 266 which was 19 times higher than the year before. Lockdown was credited for the difference but we also did not travel with work.
That is awesome!
 

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in my limited experience, there are women who will NEVER initiate. the man has to start it.

And of those women, there are two camps...those that do not initiate due to a lack of libido, who often CAN be stimulated for a short period of time to get horny and have fun,
OR
those that ARE horny, but due to their mindset, or how they grew up, just never do initiate
 
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