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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Last year i had an EA with someone i never met. It was going for 1 month until i ended the EA becuase it was wrong and i wanted to be with my husband, even though we were not at our best.

I kept the ended-EA as a secret for few months before my husband discovered the EA yesterday and it ruined our wonderful past few months (i actually changed for better and loved him much more then i used to do). It ruins my whole world and his, as i realised during those past few months that my husband is a good man and i only want to be with him. And we are happy that a baby is coming (the babys his, because i never slept around and im 5 months pregnant). Im sad and deeply regret that it needed an EA to realise how important he is for me, and how he is my life and i wouldnt exchange him for anything (dumb me for not knowing this before the EA).

I hurt him badly. I know he wont be able to trust me again. But i really am sorry and i know i wouldnt do it to him again. Hes my whole world, i love him so much more,, it feels so much more better. I know i should of just came clean, but i reasoned my self that ill just live the guilt and i dont want to hurt him, since I actually stopped contacting the OM and i focused on our relationship and our little family.

Idk what i should do anymore. My mother in law already said she will find him another girl if he left me. And im willing to do anything for him, like anything..

I screwed up big time. I failed him. I disapointed him. I disappointed my self. I keep asking myself how could i do this to him. I hate myself, i hate how stupid i was. The only thing that keeps me alive atm is the baby im carrying, cause hes part of my husband.
 

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It (your EA) has hurt him like a hell. Probably he thinks all your married life with him is a farce. He is in pain and has to recover as soon as possible. Do whatever you can to relieve him from the pain.

Sit him down, feel sorry for the pain you caused. It will take time for him.

As a preg woman, you should not have negative emotions. Take care.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I cant sit with him. He was on the phone with me and said he was shaking and needed me but we are separated atm (what happened was, he went back to his home country to prepare for our new life there with the baby and stuff, and the OM messaged him or something). Thats why its really hard because we are separated atm. The plan was im coming to his country by Feb 7th.

I know ive hurt him badly. I wish i was the one feeling the pain, id do anything to take it away but im just useless piece of meat. He doesnt even want to remember the good last few months we had, cause he thought it was 'borrowed' for i didnt come clean after it was ended.
 

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So, when you meet him on Feb 7th, pour your heart to him. Ask for forgiveness.

He has very little trust in what you say because you have been hiding things of your EA/ A.

It will take some time for him to gain trust and you should do the hard work for it. First step, is to say sorry, ask for forgiveness, and say the mistakes will not recurr. More importantly, remain completely transparent.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Tysm :)

Is there anything i can do before i come? I mean hes going to his parents now (who hates me, thats why he wouldnt get any objective insight from them) and he kept saying hes thru and its over etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Before he asked me to not have any phone, laptop, internet connection etc. and i agreed to that because nothing is more important than my husband. He even wrote me :

I love you more than anything else in this world. I am committed to you and you alone. We have both made mistakes in our marriage and I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I know that you have made mistakes, too and I forgive you. I know that neither of us purposely tried to hurt the other, although that's what we ended up doing. I will do my best to never hurt you again and all I ask is that you love me as much as I love you, and keep your promise to never cheat.

But im not sure why he kept changing his mind. Just then he said he took it back and dont want us anymore :(
 

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Before he asked me to not have any phone, laptop, internet connection etc. and i agreed to that because nothing is more important than my husband. He even wrote me :

I love you more than anything else in this world. I am committed to you and you alone. We have both made mistakes in our marriage and I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I know that you have made mistakes, too and I forgive you. I know that neither of us purposely tried to hurt the other, although that's what we ended up doing. I will do my best to never hurt you again and all I ask is that you love me as much as I love you, and keep your promise to never cheat.

But im not sure why he kept changing his mind. Just then he said he took it back and dont want us anymore :(
WTF is he accepting equal blame for YOUR affair, and more to the point, WHY ARE YOU ACCEPTING IT? If you really loved him, you'd admit total fault. He's done nothing wrong, and you have totally betrayed him and broken his heart. Take some ownership FFS.
 
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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
WTF is he accepting equal blame for YOUR affair, and more to the point, WHY ARE YOU ACCEPTING IT? If you really loved him, you'd admit total fault. He's done nothing wrong, and you have totally betrayed him and broken his heart. Take some ownership FFS.
He ment something from the past. We both made mistake and hurt each other. And i had hard time accepting and letting him back in. For the EA, i take the total blame and i admit it was all my fault and he did all right.

I know i have to pay for what i did, but i just still have a little hope that he would at least try....
 

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How did the OM know how to contact your H?

Did you send the OM pictures?
Did the EA consist of video, text, email, and voice or just email?

Did you confess everything to your H, including how and why you stopped?

Are you goth from the same culture?
 
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