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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband I are having problems healing. For much more detail, here's a thread of mine- hope it works, never done this before...

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http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/67019-secretly-videotaped.html
Anyhow, what steps can couples go through to learn to and earn trust? I have a fear of asking for complete transparency which may lead him to hide something even further from me. Where instead I could NOT ask and take more of a chance of discovering betrayal.
 

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You should have no fear of asking for complete transparency. I do that with my H and could care less how much that bugs him...sorry he ****ed up now this is his life and how it has to be. I should add that he knows if I find one thing..no matter how little it is, he is gone and it will not be a pleasant friendly divorce.
 

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http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/67019-secretly-videotaped.html

In a nutshell, OP found out that her husband was secretly videotaping their sex life. When she first found evidence of the cameras, the husband gaslighted her and made her feel like she was a bad person for not trusting him, "how dare she accuse him of such things", etc... Later, finds out that he was in fact videotaping their sexual encounters and there was a lot of footage over the past 2 years.

Basically, no infidelity, but a lot of the betrayal of trust, secretive dealings with taping, gaslighting, and the attempted rug sweeping appears an awful lot like what happens in cheating.

To potentially compound the issue, the OP MIGHT have had an EA - not sure. She had a male friend she confided in. She claims nothing sexual or anything inappropriate happened, but there the relationship was kept secret from the husband. Was videotaping revenge? Who knows at this point in time.

I think we're all caught up now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks Plan9... Yes, I guess you could count it as an EA, I kept it from my husband when I shouldn't have. I confided in an ex which was wrong. Also, it was completely over the phone, and truly there was never any physical contact (many states away).

Furthermore, my husband was already videotaping me at the time... so it couldn't have been revenge. Man, have we got issues- ack.
 
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